What is my Best Friend thinking?

[alwaysbelieve]

I had a very interesting conversation with my best friend today over lunch. We brought up the topic of opposite-sex friendship. I'm a girl and he's a guy. He gave me some prospective on what guys think when the person they are dating have a guy bestfriend. He told me that some guys will be a little jealous, but play it cool because they do not want the girl to think that they are insecure. My best friend also told me that some of these guys will hang around and wait until the best friend does something bad, then they will manipulate the girl into thinking that the guy best friend is not really a good friend to her. Then eventually the friendship will end. My best friend also told me that when I do find that special person, he will willingly leave the friendship because he doesn't want to cause any friction between me and the guy. He only wants to see me happy. I said "no", I don't want that to happen. But he told me that it'll be healthy for my relationship, because the guy can feel completely secure in the relationship. I have told him about my past relationships, and he has always been there for me, no matter what..I don't know how to take what my best friend told me. Is he being extremely sweet, or does he want me out of his life. I have known my best friend for 15 years. What do you guys think?

[Maverick44]

He's right and he's just being honest. He'd rather not be the reason for a break-up. You'll have to be the one with a backbone to your signficant other in telling him that your friend is going to stay around no matter what. That will be a conversation that would most likely occur and it could mean the end of your relationship with your partner if he did not want your best friend around at all.

 

Maverick

[Dragunov-21]

Tell him to stop being an idiot

 

You might want to point out a few things.

 

- "Bros before hos" still applies here. You've known him for 15 years, chances are you're pretty close. He's worth more than any boyfriend you aren't in love with, and you won't (shouldn't) fall in love for someone for a reasonably long time. To truly love someone, you have to actually know them. So him buggering off to prevent "risk" to a new relationship is not a good thing (IMO).

 

- Forewarned=forearmed. You're not going to be "turned against him", especially if you go into a new relationship aware of the fact that it might happen (though I've not experienced it, and most of my friends are girls.

 

My best friend's bf is a little funny, but that's because everyone at school thought she and I were together when they started dating. They've been together 5 years now, and it's a standing joke between them).

 

The moral of it is that any guy worth his salt will grow to trust you enough, as your relationship grows. Maybe that trust is more important to me than others because not having girl-who-are-friends, for me means having pretty much no friends.

 

In any case, the judgment call is not his to make pre-emptively. It's YOU that will be in the relationship, and bettre-equipped to judge whether the friendship is having a detrimental effect on your romances. Tell him to shut up, you're a big girl and you'll handle it yourself.

 

Or it could be that he just likes you

[geekgirl4]

It's not his call to make to cut himself out of your life when you don't want him to. Compromise does work out and not every guy will be jealous like that. There are guys who are perfectly fine with you having a best guyfriend.

[AlwaysUsed]

I hate to say it but your friend is right. I am man and my best friend was a woman, we were friends for nearly 10 years, we no longer speak and it all started when she met someone, he turned her against me because he didn't like us being friends.

 

Cherish the friendship you have now, I have no doubt one day me and my friend will become friends again but it will never be the same again, which is something that is unfortunate and sad really.