First family event with bf's ex

[LostLeo42]

Hi ENA,

 

Tomorrow my BF's nephew is graduating from college. I had another post related to how he lied about being invited. But this morning he decided to go and asked me to go with him. This will be the first time that I have been invited to a family event where his ex wife and ex in laws will be attending. I'm really nervous. Even though it was his ex wife's decision to leave the marriage and I only started seeing him after the separation, she hates me. I'm afraid she will start something with me and I'm afraid of what my reaction will be. I'm really proud of my BF for finally taking me to a family event. Its been a real source of arguments for us and this is a big step for him. I don't want to make him sorry. How can I keep my cool? Anybody have any tips for dealing with the nasty ex?

[DN]

Be polite and do not engage in any argument. If she makes a nasty comment say something like "Nice weather we've been having" or "the food here is really good". If she doesn't take the hint and continues, then smile, say "please excuse me" and walk away.

[sidehop]

I'd be as far away from her as possible. And walk away like DN said, nothing would be worse than her trying to start an argument to push you over the edge during graduation.

[LostLeo42]

It's not so much the graduation ceremony that I am worried about. There is a family gathering at his neice's house afterward. This is the part I am worried about. I'm not even sure he will want to go, but I am hoping once we get through the ceremony he will want to go back to her house with everyone else. I am fine with everyone else on that side of the family except for the ex wife. I should point out that these are his neice's and nephew's - they are his sisters kids.

 

I will try to just stay as far away from her as possible. Not sure how big the neice's house is. I'm not going to drink at all either, this way I can make sure to have better control over my emotions.

[ghost69]

why is his ex and his ex's family going to his family event? are they still linked together somehow? ie. kids, still hang out, etc.?

[LostLeo42]

Well he was married for almost 20 years so his ex wife and her family were very close to his sisters kids - his kids and his sisters are all around the same age. My BF is also still close to some of the nephews on his ex wifes side of the family for the same reason. They all live in the same area and were all very close. Just because the marriage didn't work out they are not going to cut all ties. I certainly can accept that and have no problem with it. I also am very friendly with some of the ex wifes family. We all went to the same high school. Its just the wife and myself that don't speak at this point.