rebeccafisher2 Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 We used to break up more than most couples. in the first 3 years several times, but he would always beg and plead and make amends straight afterwards. He used to call every day, be upset, write long long emails and letters etc. I fell pregnant and we were both happy. but since the birth of our baby boy (he is now 18 months old) i can see that he wasnt ready for fatherhood. He loves him son, but didnt make the effort to learn how to be responsable for a baby. he liked to play with him sometimes ,thats all. I have changed a lot in the last two years. I used to be fun and easy, loved clubbing, going to bars with him, having a blast most of the time. Fast forwad to since the birth, obviously as I became a mother everything changed. I was in every night. All i did all day was take care of our son, my conversations were a lot about our son. I gained weight also. We rarely went out and our relationship was just completely different. He carried on going out at night and had work and hobbies and everyone, but I just went into full time mum mode. 10 weeks ago we split up. I initiated it and he agreed fully (first time he ever agreed) he managed NC, got on with his life and never asked me ONCE to reconcile in any way. Was the reason because he know he doesnt want a long term girlfriend and baby? He had one and a half years to see what its like and I think he felt stuck, as he didnt realise what its like. He sent me a closure letter recently, and in the past weeks I cant explain it solidly but its apparent that although I said lets break up, it was him that broke up with me by the way he treated me causing me to end it. It was even clearer in his email, he was trying to alleviate his guilt about not trying harder after the split to work on things, or harder before. Just curious if anyone could empathise or has been in the same situation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 He sounds very immature. He didn't want to be a dad yet. It's unfortunate, and I feel for you, but this is what I see. You are better off without him. It sounds to me like you were a single mom before he left. Now you only have to look after your son, not him too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebeccafisher2 Posted May 12, 2010 Author Share Posted May 12, 2010 Yes insane heart your right he can definitely be immature. Does anyone know what I mean, that although I said the words let split up, I am actually the dumpee because he made the relationship get to the point where we HAD to split up? i definitely feel like a dumpee! Also the fact that he never once said lets try or lets talk afterwards, I feel that I am the one that got left. (in the meantime all of his family and friends feel I left him and I am crap for doing that as we had a baby together) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alezia Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 Have you tried to meet half way during the relationship? It seems like your lives completely diverged. Have you guys trying going on date nights? Did you try having other hobbies outside of your son, or integrating your son in them ex: mommy and baby gym time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebeccafisher2 Posted May 12, 2010 Author Share Posted May 12, 2010 I did try to stay interesting. I did have some hobbies, saw friends when I could, tried to concentrate on my ex when he came home. I just think that we got stuck in a big rut. It plays on my mind sometimes ... why didnt he try to reconcile this time?? And the only reasons I can think of is my weight gain, the fact that he wasnt ready for family life, or that I wasnt anymore this attractive fun social butterfly that I was before our child. On another note (I cant post a different thread it wont let me) quick question.. should I make my facebook private? I can imagine that he checks it from another account because he is like that. (he blocked me so cant check from his account) should i put my facebook as just info and not wall?? if he has been checking in so far, I have been putting pics of me and our son etc and I kind of liked the idea that he could see im moving on from all my activity on FB but now I am not sure. Maybe if it was private he would miss me more and regret more (thats if he does check it I just have a feeling that he would) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaStranger Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 I'm in the same situation! I left the flat we shared after a particuarly aggressive row with my ex...where he got quite nasty and scared me! I thought it would just be a few days while we sorted things out and made a fresh start but he just shut down and didn't want to make any effort to work on things... So ultimatly I believe that although I left, I am the dumpee and I have suffered as if I were the dumpee! On top of this, because he can't take responsibility for his own choices, I have had to listen to being blamed for everything... It's all my fault because I left!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebeccafisher2 Posted May 12, 2010 Author Share Posted May 12, 2010 sucks huh bella Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
urrie Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 How old is the father? Maybe he's not ready because he isn't old enough for the responsibility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebeccafisher2 Posted May 12, 2010 Author Share Posted May 12, 2010 He is 27 ... Another thing I dont think he liked is that I was a sahm and didnt have a job, he mentioned once after our split that he didnt think I had been very creative during our time together. He doesnt think much of office jobs, but I think he would have respected me a lot more if I had had a good interesting job. Aaah I dont know anymore. Its like the other thing .. I am not sure if he fancied this other girl that he saw sometimes through work. Its just a hunch that he fancied her for the last month of our relationship BUT I CAN NEVER KNOW! It would make sense if he was into someone else in someway because he was SO distant at the end, kind of detached Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaStranger Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 Yeah it does rebecca! It sounds like you are just searching for answers about why this is happening to you and why he has made the choices he has made, iv been there, I'm still there to an extent, but we do have to accept that these are answers we may never get!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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