i feel so awful,need help..

[nix192]

Irealy need some good advice as i dont think can takeany more.Two years ago i seperated from my husband of 21 years.I really went through hell and it was only about 6 months ago that i started to feel better.So for a laugh i joined a dating site and it was quite a confidence boost,then i mwt a really lovely guy and we started texting and calling each other.He started telling me he loved me,i was his soulmate etc and dont ever leave him cause he couldnt bear to lose me.To start with it was wonderful he constantly told me how much he loved me and we even talked about him moving in(even got a builder out to price up some jobs).Then all of a sudden the loving texts stopped and he went cold on me so for a couple of weeks i kept asking if he was still ok with me and did he want to be with me,he always said yes definatly.

Then a couple of weeks ago he went on a course from work and i didnt hear from him for 2 days so when he eventually did call i asked him what was up and to my horror he said he thinks he still has feelings for his ex wife and didnt think it was fair on me to keep seeing me.I was deverstated.Then he asks if we can keep in touch as he would still like to be friends(LOL).

Anyway me being me said ok and since then he has caled or text me nearly every day.This week he has gone away on his own apparently to get his head sorted.He said he was going yesterdaybut called me at lunch time and said he hadnt gone yet but not sure if he would leave it till this morning,He said while hes away hes going to turn his phone off to get some thinking space but a couple of hors ago i got a text to say hes arrived there and its sunny.

Im just really sick of all th head games i had enough of that with my ex husband but i still cant help but miss him terribly.what should i do?

[iJester]

Definitely do not remain friends with this man. Tell him that you want a relationship, and will not deal with him in any other context. Tell him not to contact you again unless it is about seriously dating. The other half of this is following through and not speaking to him anymore unless he says he is trying to start a real relationship with you.

[HeartGoesOn]

Have you met in person, or is this just over the internet?

[Brigadoon]

Definitely do not remain friends with this man. Tell him that you want a relationship, and will not deal with him in any other context. Tell him not to contact you again unless it is about seriously dating. The other half of this is following through and not speaking to him anymore unless he says he is trying to start a real relationship with you.

 

I second this; You will never have any hope of getting what you want from relationships if you consistently settle for less than you have asked for. You need to make it absolutely clear that you mean what you say and that you are prepared to not see him again if he does not want the same thing as you.

I'm sorry; It sucks but so does waiting around hoping and eventually having to give up. You might as well be on the road to healing with the door open rather than standing around waiting for him to make up his mind *hugs*

[coolchick64]

I've been through similar stuff with mine. I finally had to block him because I needed the peace of mind . . . his texts and emails didn't add up to a hill of beans and every time I heard from him it sent me into a tailspin. And when I didn't hear from him, it was even worse. Get yourself off this rollercoaster. Let him know friendship's not an option for you and do whatever it takes to have some peace in your life. If he changes his mind, he'll know where to find you.

[AutumnBorn]

What a horrible situation. On the one hand, it's good that he realizes he's not completely over his ex and needs to sort things out. On the other, he definitely should have figured that out before he dropped the L word.

 

I think giving him space is a good idea. Let him go and concentrate on yourself, embrace your life, work to do all the interesting and exciting things you'd like to do. Become the best possible version of yourself. Never define yourself by your primary loving relationship or lack of having one. You determine your value as a human being, nobody else.

[Brigadoon]

Never define yourself by your primary loving relationship or lack of having one. You determine your value as a human being, nobody else.

 

Well said Autumn

[nix192]

Thankyou all so much for your kind words.I think you are all so right i need to let go.And yes we had met many times he came and stayed with me or came and picked me up to go down and stay with him and his mum,He even booked a holiday for us in july.We were in serious relationship or so i was led to believe,he even told me that in the event of anything happening to him he wanted me to be told first.He also made comments about asking me to marry him.lol.

[Brigadoon]

We were in serious relationship or so i was led to believe,he even told me that in the event of anything happening to him he wanted me to be told first.He also made comments about asking me to marry him.lol.

 

I think that you should be proud of yourself. You went through a traumatic time and worked through your issues. You really and truly managed to open up to someone again after all the pain you had gone through and that says a lot. Please don't let this situation change that, you never know what's coming down the line and who knows, when you're feeling better and you're ready to get back out there your ability and willingness to trust may well bring the person into your life that's meant for you