The Disease to Please

[Hermes]

Collapsed Boundaries

Personal boundaries can become weak or even nonexistent. The proverbial “doormat” has collapsed boundaries -- and may be a victim of psychological bullying. If you have collapsed boundaries, you may:

 

•Say yes to all requests because you fear rejection and abandonment.

•Tolerate abuse or disrespectful treatment.

•Feel you deserve to be treated poorly.

•Avoid conflict.

•Have no sense of who you are or what you feel, need, want and think.

•Not see flaws or weaknesses in others.

•Focus on pleasing those around you.

•Take on the feelings of others.

 

 

Healthy Boundaries

Healthy personal boundaries are evident and effective when you know who you are, and you treat yourself and others with respect. If you have healthy boundaries, you may:

 

•Feel free to say yes or no without guilt, anger or fear.

•Refuse to tolerate abuse or disrespect.

•Know when a problem is yours or another person’s – and refuse to take on others’ problems.

•Have a strong sense of identity.

•Respect yourself.

•Share responsibility with others, and expect reciprocity in relationships.

•Feel freedom, security, peace, joy and confidence.

People pleasers need to work on setting healthy boundaries -- it's the only way to overcome the "disease to please"!

 

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[Mauxly]

Great post! This is exactly what I've been working on in therapy. Wish I could have gotten my head around this last year. Would have saved me months of heartache.

[j.love]

this is a really great post. keep 'em coming

[Hermes]

Thank you both.

 

It is just that reading some of the heart-rending posts on other threads I felt I had to post this up.

 

It is not easy, it takes work, to get healthy boundaries in place, if you have not always naturally had those boundaries.

 

Best wishes

H.

[Hermes]

More about boundaries:

 

 

 

From this site:

 

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and

 

A book:

Boundaries - Where You End And I Begin: How To Recognize And Set Healthy Boundaries by Anne Katherine MA

 

from a review on Amazoncom

[hidden_kitten]

Great post, thanks Hermes. I'm going to stick the healthy boundaries list up where i can see them every day

[itsallgrand]

Wonderful info!

[Jetta]

Great information. I was a people pleaser and it cost me a lot. I like to think I've outgrown that aspect but honestly I'm not so sure and a lot of things you've mentioned fit with how I view things.

[savignon]

Hermes, there's a book called "The Disease to Please"....have you read it?

Great post!