Still "getting over" it

[Little lady]

How long until the upset feelings go away? The disappointment? I set myself up for disappointment, I guess. We were together for 5 years, we break up and then bam 3 days later she is "in love" with someone else. Which she probably had feelings for before we broke up (though she denies) and is why she wanted an 'open' relationship (she has just moved out of state for a year)

 

I just feel so sad, that this person I loved and cared about up and left me for a stranger and is already kissing them and holding them. If that was me I would feel pretty 'dirty' and not feel good about myself.

 

Any experience in these types of situation? I'm just feeling down and let down, and betrayed.

[lana111]

i cant answer that for you. we all heal in different ways and in different time frames. for me, it took about 4-5 months to really heal.

 

just try and keep yourself occupied with activities, get rid of the reminders of your relationship, and know that something bigger and better will come along someday.

[SadAndy]

i'm 3 months into 'healing' after a nasty end to a 14yr relationship.

I've definitely moved someway but not very far in the bigger picture.

 

Sorry its not good news, might just be me though!

[BackToYou]

Today is exactly 5 months since my gf dumped me (together for 10 months) and I am still in healing process. I think it will take a good while until I am 100% healed and moved on. Unfortunately it may sometimes take a long time to get over a break up ( like in my case) but you will get there someday for sure!

[Carus]

I just feel so sad, that this person I loved and cared about up and left me for a stranger and is already kissing them and holding them.

 

Any experience in these types of situation? I'm just feeling down and let down, and betrayed.

Yes, me *puts hand up*....

 

I'm 14 months out and although the pain has subsided I'm now dealing with PTSD and the 'missing her'.....Looks like I'm in for the full 3 year haul..

 

With the other person, we dont really wish them ill, but they will run into their own set of problems in time (SadAndy thats for you too ) and eventually the RS will probably fail....

 

HOWEVER, my ex is about to go into her 12th month of her new RS that she went straight into whilst leaving me so dont wait for that either...

 

I waited and wasted 6-8 months before I finally turned and walked....Dont let that happen to you....

 

My ex would also contact me periodically while her new RS solidified which only filled me with false hopes and hindered my healing process BIG time! ....so watch out for that one too*

 

Ever Forward

K2*

[brokenheart41]

 

My ex would also contact me periodically while her new RS solidified which only filled me with false hopes and hindered my healing process BIG time! ....so watch out for that one too*

 

Another good post Kalgan, thanks.

 

How do you deal with ex's who want to be your "friend" and contact you once in a while? They give you false hope and set you back in your healing process. Mine is totally cold hearted, ignores my e-mails most of the time but will contact me when she is in "the mood" and she'll be "friendly".

 

Why do they do this and how do you cope with it? I found it very, very hard to give up hope this way. I am on 30 days of NC now btw.

 

 

.

[SadAndy]

i'm in a major angry phase at the moment. I am starting to accept the facts of her behaviour and just how 'out of line' she really was.

I am just SO angry at her new found happiness that I think my recovery is some way off, but at least i'm now trying to deal with a genuine hatred towards her.

I will NEVER be indifferent towards her due to her lies etc so I have accepted that whilst its a waste of energy being angry, its a further waste trying NOT to be!

 

For the record, and again i'm probably alone in the thought, i do wish (daily) for some serious harm, illness and/or misfortune to happen to her.

It would not help my life but it would certainly make me feel better!

[yonanz]

Another good post Kalgan, thanks.

 

How do you deal with ex's who want to be your "friend" and contact you once in a while? They give you false hope and set you back in your healing process. Mine is totally cold hearted, ignores my e-mails most of the time but will contact me when she is in "the mood" and she'll be "friendly".

 

Why do they do this and how do you cope with it? I found it very, very hard to give up hope this way. I am on 30 days of NC now btw.

 

 

.

 

the Key lies in your will. it is very easy to do the intuitive, to do what is comfortable. what is comfortable now is to contact your ex, hear her voice, holding on to her voice, her presence. what is counterintuitive and uncomfortable is to breaK off contact, stp hearing her voice, accept that its over and not hanging on to her presence.

 

it is hard. it really is. but u are a cut above the rest if u force yourself out of the comfort zone and do what is necessary - cut off all contact. it is painful and miserable, but it gets easier, and it helps alot in your healing process. no more beating about the bush, no more getting hooKed onto false hopes, no more getting emotionally controlled, no more being at the mercy of mind games and emotional thrust and parry

 

sometimes we noe the answer. we just dnt have the courage to do it. all the best dude...

[Carus]

Another good post Kalgan, thanks.

 

How do you deal with ex's who want to be your "friend" and contact you once in a while? They give you false hope and set you back in your healing process. Mine is totally cold hearted, ignores my e-mails most of the time but will contact me when she is in "the mood" and she'll be "friendly".

 

Why do they do this and how do you cope with it? I found it very, very hard to give up hope this way. I am on 30 days of NC now btw.

Well it depends on what you want, the circumstances of the BU and also how much the contact affects you....

 

But I think anyone who's been through this would agree, after every contact you feel great, YIPPEE!, coz you've just had a hit of the 'drug'.....12 hours out your still OK.....24 hours out you're starting to shuffle again....48 hours out you're crumbling....72 hours out hello square one again*

 

I let my ex contact me but I always shut her down if she started to tell me about her new BF.....But by doing that she always knew I was there...She never got to fully miss me......And I clinged to hope and over analyzed every single part of everything....! (Man that sux to write that these days lol)

 

And then eventually the Bonding and Transference is complete and the contact ceases.....

 

If their new RS doesnt work out then I've seen a lot of cases of the ex reaching back out to you but my ex got very lucky in the rebound stakes so I have no experience with that sorry.....

 

Why do they do it? Because even though the attraction may have gone, the affection may still be there, and especially if they did something bad they will be harbouring guilt....So they deal with that by contacting you for you to tell them its OK...

 

In fact I was like "It's OK. It's OK..."....until it WAS OK and off she went!!

 

How did I cope with it? Well everybody will cope and heal in their own way and at their own pace. For me it was a black sea of drugs, antidepressants, endless crying (One time 10 hours straight!), therapy, sleepless days and nights, hospital, GPs etc etc....basically a hell on earth*

 

So I guess I didnt 'cope' very well at all....heh

 

But the good news is that time is slowly washing away the pain and although the bad days still come, I am certainly better than those early dark days as I rebuild my life from scratch....yes I lost everything.....

 

So I wish you all strength in your time of struggle....

Keep Your Face To The Sun*

K2*

[brokenheart41]

sometimes we noe the answer. we just dnt have the courage to do it.

 

Rationally we all know that we have to cut of contact and that it's a lost battle. Of course. But emotionally it's so hard to let go of everything. You just keept thinking of what you had, and especially what you could have had... It's more than losing a person, it's losing your future, hopes and dreams as well and that's what makes it so hard.

 

 

But I think anyone who's been through this would agree, after every contact you feel great, YIPPEE!, coz you've just had a hit of the 'drug'.....12 hours out your still OK.....24 hours out you're starting to shuffle again....48 hours out you're crumbling....72 hours out hello square one again*

 

Oh yes, well said: it's a high, a rush, everytime there is contact between the two of you. Let's face it: this IS a drug addiction -in every way. This is not just emotional but also chemical.

 

The only thing that keeps me going now are the people on this forum, their stories and knowing that there are more people going through this pain. When I hit rock bottom I think of the people here and it helps a little.