Men aged 30+: Would you like to have sex with your partner most days of the week?

[dragon lady]

I've always been under the impression that most men liked sex and lots of it. Lack of sex seems to be one of the biggest the causes of dissatisfaction in relationships and marriages for men around the world. I just have a few questions that I'd like the 30+ male crowd to answer.

 

Would you enjoy having sex on most days of the week, assuming your partner was passionate and she initiated?

 

Can there really be too much of a good thing?

 

Do you find that the more sex you have the less time you want to spend doing other activities (walks, watching movies, shopping, eating & drinking etc.) with your partner?

 

At what age does the male sex drive start to conk out? And by when will it be gone completely? (averages please, I know not everyone is the same)

[scared and alone]

I am not a man, but I am dating a guy in his late 30's and let me tell you. If I wanted to have sex 5 hours a day, EVERY day, he would be the happiest man alive. He still has the sex drive of a teenager. And I really don't see him slowing it down ANY time soon. lol

[dragon lady]

I am not a man, but I am dating a guy in his late 30's and let me tell you. If I wanted to have sex 5 hours a day, EVERY day, he would be the happiest man alive. He still has the sex drive of a teenager. And I really don't see him slowing it down ANY time soon. lol

 

That's how I would have thought most men would be. I figured it would lessen a bit as they got older, but not by a huge amount. I'm constantly seeing men in this age bracket complaining that they don't get enough sex.

 

When I first started sleeping with my boyfriend I told him that I had a high sex drive and he was so pleased. Then I had a couple of months of health problems where I couldn't have sex and the entire time he was so lovely. He always wanted to kiss and hug and we did a lot together outside of the bedroom. He was also very sexual in the bedroom (without intercourse). Now we're living together, I'm all healed up, ready to go and he says he doesn't want to have it so much. Apparently I wear him out and he says he needs rest. I was turned down AGAIN this morning when I got out of the shower, kissed him deeply and grabbed his package. I guess I was under the impression that any straight red-blooded male would be up for it.

 

The whole thing is starting to make me feel very undesirable. It's not like he's a geriatric either. He's 37 years old. Is this normal?

[scared and alone]

Is there anything going on in his life that he has stress about? Job, friends, family? Anything that can be pre-occupying his mind? My boyfriend, like I said, is a huge horn-dog but at the same time, he talks big talk sometimes lol. Like he SAYS he always wants to do it, but sometimes, when I come onto him he acts like he wants to do it, then a few minutes later, it'll completely change and he'll say 'im sorry, i had this on my mind' men are so hard to figure out. So, I feel your pain.

 

so men, what is it? lol Explain to us ladies this. You SAY you always want sex, but when it comes time to it, a lot of the time, WE get turned down, even though YOU are the ones always complaining you don't get enough!

[dragon lady]

so men, what is it? lol Explain to us ladies this. You SAY you always want sex, but when it comes time to it, a lot of the time, WE get turned down, even though YOU are the ones always complaining you don't get enough!

 

Yes! Please answer this!

[dragon lady]

Scared and alone, I don't think there is much pre-occupying his mind. He's not the type to let things bother him. The only thing I can think of is me. I've just moved in and this is the first time either of us have ever lived with a partner. I guess we're just still figuring each other out. He seems happy with the relationship in most other respects. I encourage him to go out with his friends and do his own thing and the conversation is still great, so I don't think he has changed his mind about me. In fact, I know he hasn't because he was so eager for me to move in.

 

I can't think what else it could be. Life is pretty good for him at the moment.

[scared and alone]

Hmmm. Maybe he just doesn't know how to handle having access to sex so easily, virtually anytime he might want it? Like, now that it's a reality, he can't exactly do it? I don't know, I still don't think its you. I think its more him and his male expectation of himself and he doesn't know how to live up to it. But, please don't blame yourself.

[Taikero]

Could be low testosterone levels, low nutrients required for healthy sexual activity (there are many here) or something else healthwise going on.

 

I know I'd be fine with 2-4 times a day, depending, but I'm not over 30.

[tiredofvampires]

DL, maybe he's not a morning person. It seems like both times he's turned you down, it's been in the morning.

 

I am NOT a morning person and it takes me a long time to get my energy up for the day. I've got a really strong libido, but I don't want to be woken up for sex (once I'm asleep I like to stay asleep for my beauty rest) and unless I have a whole day to veg and nap, need that time to recoup. I know that's really unromantic (and I should probably make a thread some time about it), because I know everyone else loves 3 a.m. romps in the middle of sleep, or first thing when you open your eyes, but I feel stiffer, not warmed up and really lazy in the morning, not to mention I enjoy slowly coming out of sleep. I don't want to have major exertions right after lying paralyzed for 7 hours.

 

Lol, I've been single too long.

 

So maybe it's that time of day that's just not doing it for him.

[Jd1983]

I'm not a male either, but I'll still answer.

 

My bf is also 37, granted if he had the chance to have sex every day several times a day, he would do so. His sex drive is definitely still extremely high.

 

I think it really depends on the individual.

[dragon lady]

Could be low testosterone levels, low nutrients required for healthy sexual activity (there are many here) or something else healthwise going on.

 

I know I'd be fine with 2-4 times a day, depending, but I'm not over 30.

 

Well, he's not your typical tough guy with raging testosterone levels (though that's what I love about him). He's often asked if he's gay because he has a lot of feminine qualities. I know he is definitely not gay, but my guess is that he does have lower than average testosterone levels. But even women who have higher than average testosterone levels still have lower than pretty much all men. And I wouldn't necessarily say I have high either because I'm not hairy or aggressive or anything like that.

 

The low nutrients might be something. He has never cooked a meal in his life. He has take out every night, usually Thai or a veggie burger. I don't think he gets enough fruit or fiber. I've started cooking healthy food for him, so hopefully it makes a difference.

[Fudgie]

My boyfriend and I probably only have sex once a week or LESS but he's in his 50s.

 

I believe that sex drive may start to go down a little when a guy turns 50 or so, but it depends. But just because it goes down doesn't mean it disappears completely! Sex may happen less frequently due to lowered libido and such. Also, older guys may take longer to obtain an erection or be ready for Round 2 if they've already had sex in that day.

[dragon lady]

This is exactly the excuse he gave me yesterday and this morning. He says he's not a morning person and he likes to have his coffee and a shower before he can focus on anything. I, on the other hand, wake up at 6:30 every morning and I'm ready to go. I'm by far the most horny at that time of the day. I think it's beautiful to wake up all relaxed and to get it on before doing anything else. What's interesting is that he has only said this now that I've moved in. We've had morning sex and done other things early before and he really seemed to enjoy it. I told him very early on that it's my favorite and it wasn't a problem. And it's not like I'm waking him up after only a few hours of sleep. Every time I've done it he's had at least 8 hours. No major exertions either. All he has to do is lay there!

 

Another reason why I like it in the morning is that we usually work alternating nights. I hate coming home after being wound up from work and having sex. He doesn't seem to like doing it then either. We always do it when we are home together during the middle of the day, but it's quite rare for that to happen.

 

I guess I'm going to have to try keeping my hands off him until he wants it.

[dragon lady]

My boyfriend and I probably only have sex once a week or LESS but he's in his 50s.

 

I believe that sex drive may start to go down a little when a guy turns 50 or so, but it depends. But just because it goes down doesn't mean it disappears completely! Sex may happen less frequently due to lowered libido and such. Also, older guys may take longer to obtain an erection or be ready for Round 2 if they've already had sex in that day.

 

I think I would lose my mind if I was sleeping in the same bed as someone and could only have sex with him once a week. Unless of course I was mad at him. Please, please, please don't let it get to that.

 

At this point we have no problems with erections. He can get one very easily. It does worry me that if it works out between us he might end up not be able to get one in a few years. Maybe I'll have calmed down by then!

[DaBladeRoden]

Not every man in the same age bracket has the same sex drive

[dragon lady]

Not every man in the same age bracket has the same sex drive

 

I realize this. Just like you get some women my age who don't want sex at all, you're going to get variations in men too.

 

The reason I brought up age is that he has made a couple of comments. He said that I'm making him feel old and he can't keep up like he could in his 20s. I wanted to see whether some of the men here had experienced a decline as they've gotten older.

[Taikero]

Well, he's not your typical tough guy with raging testosterone levels (though that's what I love about him). He's often asked if he's gay because he has a lot of feminine qualities. I know he is definitely not gay, but my guess is that he does have lower than average testosterone levels. But even women who have higher than average testosterone levels still have lower than pretty much all men. And I wouldn't necessarily say I have high either because I'm not hairy or aggressive or anything like that,

 

The low nutrients might be something. He has never cooked a meal in his life. He has take out every night, usually Thai or a veggie burger. I don't think he gets enough fruit or fiber. I've started cooking healthy food for him, so hopefully it makes a difference.

 

Get him on a high protein, high vegetable, medium fruit, medium fibrous carbs, low "white"/"empty" carbs diet as much as you can. Stop the takeout and preprocessed food as much as possible. Cut out sodium as much as possible.

 

Have him take 25 mg Zinc, 500 mg Magnesium, and a good B Complex vitamin daily (make sure it has plenty of B6). Also have him take a fish oil supplement. If he doesn't get outside much, have him take a Vitamin D supplement daily, maybe 1000 IU twice a day.

 

If he doesn't exercise, encourage him to, but it's not entirely necessary to increase libido. Simply having sex more often will increase libido.

 

If that doesn't help, then almost for sure there's some kind of emotional/mental block there and it's not a health-related decrease, because doing the above should send him into sexual overdrive for whatever his body is currently capable of.

[dragon lady]

I might have to give it a few more months before I start ramming vitamins down his throat. I'll have to eeeease into it Although I take mine and he seems curious, so who knows. He might be open to the idea.

 

Unfortunately it will be difficult to go the high protein route. I'm a vegan and only cook vegan food, though I try to include lots of lentils, chickpeas, nuts and soy. The only meat he eats is fish and that's not going to change. All other meats and dairy disgust him. He does like eggs...

Veggies and fruits are all good. I only ever use brown rice and whole grains. Vitamin D should be fine because it's warm and there's plenty of sun here.

 

Exercise is definitely lacking. We walk a lot because we don't drive, but nothing vigorous. He has talked about playing some sport with his friends.

 

Hopefully it's not a psychological block because that would suck. Maybe he really just isn't a morning person?

[tiredofvampires]

The thing that does really change -- and I think this is for women AND men -- as you get into your 30's, especially late 30's, is that your body craves more regularity and resiliency of energy often isn't the same as in the 20's. Of course, for some it's still great, if they're athletic and/or have high metabolic rates, but overall, metabolism starts to ebb a bit during this age bracket. Which means that the body does require a refractory period to sleep, regenerate and recharge whereas when you're in your 20's, you're easily able to throw your biorhythms off clubbing, staying up all night and then burning the midnight oil the next night because you have to study, then getting 4 hours of sleep and going into a comma for 3 days after that -- to emerge springy and bushy-tailed. You can rebound much faster. You can really abuse yourself in your 20's, and you start feeling a need to moderate energy a bit more later. I know lots of active people in my age bracket who aren't old by any means in their attitude or demeanor or activities, but we all joke that "hell, how did we DO that in college?!" I can't imagine pulling the hours I used to then, now. When I do, I feel like . I'm not a person who's in vibrant health anyway due to medical issues that make me fatigue, but even my reasonably healthy friends (and males with a hearty sex drive) joke that they just can't bop around with no consequences like they used to. Like I said, your metabolism is naturally declining a bit. Even moreso if he's not a highly testosteroned male, but with that comes a lack of aggressive machismo, so you're coming out ahead imo.

 

It doesn't sound like he has anything wrong with his sex drive -- it's just the recharging issue. And coupled with that, that he's more a "quality" person when it comes to sex than "quantity."

 

And also, I DO think there's such a thing as "too much of a good thing." Sex, food, anything. I don't think this is a statement about you or your desirability, or even sex drive so much as that some people (myself included) enjoy lapses in something so that the anticipation is built up again and I can feel excited by that. He may have not minded the morning sex when it was still a novelty with you, as you were a new couple, but now that you're moved in together, he probably has some fears that he won't be able to satisfy you as a routine sets in. Now, if it's mornings, mornings, mornings when that's his least favorite time to be sexual, it's more problematic than before, when it wasn't a daily prospect.

 

I think if you're doing something enjoyable for hours and hours, or at every opportunity, that can get stale. I personally need breaks from ANYTHING and dislike things that become too regular, even good things. Sometimes the buildup and the rests are as important as the music. The tension. So yes, you can OD on sex just like anything else, and I don't even think that's a male/female issue. That's a temperament issue.

 

I can certainly relate to him, to be honest. I like to feel awake and sensate when I'm involved erotically, not half comatose (though sometimes languid sex is nice; I just want to be fully present and with all cylinders going). Just giving you "the other point of view."

 

Personally, I'd prefer to unwind after work with loving, sensual cooking and touch/intimacy. I'm not sure if you need intercourse every time, but there are ways to be sexual on a work night that might fill the bill. And then he can compromise on some mornings that are lower-pressure days.

 

At this point we have no problems with erections. He can get one very easily. It does worry me that if it works out between us he might end up not be able to get one in a few years. Maybe I'll have calmed down by then!

 

Uh...not to scare you or anything, but longstanding science says women's sexual peak comes in your 30's-40's. So, you're just warming up.

 

Edit to add: sounds like his lifestyle (diet and exercise) are NOT optimal. So he should try to work on that, if he's worried about feeling "older." But it could be he's just NOT a morning person. I'm not, never have been. Sunrise? It's lovely. But if I saw it, lemme go back to sleep. Haha. And I eat very consciously and love exercise.

[Taikero]

I might have to give it a few more months before I start ramming vitamins down his throat. I'll have to eeeease into it Although I take mine and he seems curious, so who knows. He might be open to the idea.

 

Strike up the conversation and find out there. Taking 4 pills or so twice a day shouldn't be a huge deal if he takes it with food.

 

Unfortunately it will be difficult to go the high protein route. I'm a vegan and only cook vegan food, though I try to include lots of lentils, chickpeas, nuts and soy. The only meat he eats is fish and that's not going to change. All other meats and dairy disgust him. He does like eggs...

 

That right there is severely limiting a lot of the nutrients a male needs for testosterone. It doesn't mean he's completely not getting any of them, but meats have so much in the way of nutrition that cutting them out to such a degree can cause problems and necessitate supplementation for optimal health. (Just as cutting out too many veggies and fruits. We are omnivores after all)

 

Veggies and fruits are all good. I only ever use brown rice and whole grains. Vitamin D should be fine because it's warm and there's plenty of sun here.

 

Just remember you can really only get Vitamin D from 10 A.M. to 2 P.M. in the heat of the day. Before and after that the angles the light is hitting the atmosphere causes a lot of the radiation waves that the body absorbs for Vitamin D to be diverted/deflected.

 

Exercise is definitely lacking. We walk a lot because we don't drive, but nothing vigorous. He has talked about playing some sport with his friends.

 

Doing that would probably help so long as he doesn't go so overboard that he gets home and collapses into bed.

 

Hopefully it's not a psychological block because that would suck. Maybe he really just isn't a morning person?

 

It's possible, but then what about morning wood? That's a pretty common thing....and really, even if I was tired, I've never had much of a problem getting excited, but.....I don't know, I'm still young and have plenty of libido, so I'm probably not the best example here.

[dragon lady]

That's some good insight right there!

 

I think part of the problem is that I don't think of him as being his age. He doesn't seem like it until these sorts of things come up. Other times I will look at us both in the mirror and compare his wrinkles to my lack of wrinkles and it will hit me. He will tell me stories about his partying days in his 20s and it sounds like he had far more stamina and energy than I'll ever have. In fact, I've only just started feeling better in recent months after living with severe fatigue for years. I'm still not even sure what the cause of that was...but in any case, I can relate to needing to be re-energized before any kind of intense physical or even mental activity. It's just not particularly athletic sex that I aim for in the mornings. More the lazy variety.

 

Another thing that's possible is that I'm afraid of not being in the honeymoon period anymore, and I've said this to him. He reassured me that it's not over yet, but I'm highly doubting that now. It probably is a case of him settling into quantity over quality. I know in past relationships that happened after about 6 months, but I also had sex drive issues relating to BC pills back then and they never turned me down when I did want it. It just seems too early for me to no longer be aroused by everyday nakedness, though I understand this will eventually happen. I suppose it has already happened for him.

 

I'm going to try to do more with timing and setting the mood before I attack next time. I'll give him a few days to recover first! This is going to be hard...

[dragon lady]

Well, the meat thing isn't going to change and I'd rather it didn't. Part of what attracted me initially was that he didn't eat much of it. My experiences with meat eating exes have put me off it all together, even more so than lack of sex.

 

I'm pretty sure the vitamin D thing isn't a problem. We both have an outdoor job and we get plenty of sunlight during that time frame. It's more the skin cancer we need to worry about

 

No morning wood here. It gets hard once I've woken him up and touched it, but he doesn't wake up that way on his own. All other guys I've been with have had it, but they were younger. I'm not sure if it's his age or just the way he is. Either way, the only person ready to go in the mornings is me.

[Red Fox]

It's difficult to say. Especially if a couple have been together for a while, I do feel that after the initial honeymoon stage of a few years where there is probably a lot of sex, and lots more than later down the line. All the brain chemistry that drives lust is wearing out a bit and being replaced by that fond caring feeling (but that is not to say that there is less physical attraction). I do think that sex may decrease a bit because of that.

 

Secondly I do think that you can get too much of a good thing. I always find it better and more exciting when you haven't seen her for a while and not had sex in a while. It's less exciting when you have done it 5 times already this week. Also if you are living with someone you are likely to see them naked far more often and as it's more regular to see it kind of isn't as unusual. People love ice cream but if you have it twice a day it might lose it's appeal slightly, but people are unlikely to give up having it. Just some ideas.

[regular joe]

so men, what is it? lol Explain to us ladies this. You SAY you always want sex, but when it comes time to it, a lot of the time, WE get turned down, even though YOU are the ones always complaining you don't get enough!

 

I myself have never done this. I am 41 soon to be 42 and to answer the OP if were up to me, at least twice a day. When I was with my ex, I could never get enough.

[Taikero]

Well, the meat thing isn't going to change and I'd rather it didn't. Part of what attracted me initially was that he didn't eat much of it. My experiences with meat eating exes have put me off it all together, even more so than lack of sex.

 

Oh, come on. Not all of us are so bad, us meatasauruses.

 

I'm not asking you to change your lifestyle, as you can still manage your nutritional needs without eating most meats. Be aware of what you're missing out on and adjust accordingly, that's all any of us can do.

 

I'm pretty sure the vitamin D thing isn't a problem. We both have an outdoor job and we get plenty of sunlight during that time frame. It's more the skin cancer we need to worry about

 

Okay, sounds good. As for the skin cancer, be aware that using sunscreen also completely blocks the vitamin D-producing rays, so you do need at least an hour (15 minutes with full body exposure which I doubt you can manage at your jobs) of unprotected sunlight during those hours every day. After that, feel free to SPF it up.

 

No morning wood here. It gets hard once I've woken him up and touched it, but he doesn't wake up that way on his own. All other guys I've been with have had it, but they were younger. I'm not sure if it's his age or just the way he is. Either way, the only person ready to go in the mornings is me.

 

Well, not that it's necessarily the case, but it could be there is an actual physical problem of some sort if that doesn't happen. Apparently morning wood is related to link removed, and if it's not occurring at least some of the time for him it's possible there is something physically off that he might want to have looked at by his doctor, just to be sure.

 

 

I'd pursue diet, exercise, and supplementation methods first before anything else. If the results meet with your satisfaction, then that's great. If that doesn't work, you'll want to have him checked out by a doctor to ensure there are adequate testosterone levels and that there are no abnormalities. Finally, if all else fails, see a sex and/or couples therapist to explore the ways you two can best approach each other so that the intimacy and sexual interaction is satisfying for the both of you.