Makaroni Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 My BF and I have been together for over 16 yrs. Both have been married before. Both have adult children. He practically raised mine. For the past 4-5 years, we have been off and on. I moved out twice. The second time, I stayed out on my own because I saw our relationship as unhealthy and basically weighed the good with the bad and unfortunately the bad has outweighed the good. However, we are having a hard time breaking it off for good. I have asked him to see a counselor with me but he has refused. The reason he refuses is because he already sees a psychologist (has been seeing him for several years, almost 10 yrs) for other issues in his life. He was both physically and mentally abused as a child by his stepfather. All the while his mother never did anything to stop the abuse. He also has anxiety and adult ADHD. Currently, he is a great successful business man and is cordial towards his parents but he is not close to his parents nor to any of his siblings at all. He is very close to my family (i.e. my parents, my brothers and my children). I think because he never had a family like I have and we have taken him in as being a part of our family. I was wondering if maybe what he has experienced in his childhood affects how he acts today. When we talk, he does not seem to fully listen, always preoccupied so I tend to not want to talk to him much for that reason. When we argue, he cusses incessantly and tends to try to break me down by calling me a "Cougar", a * * * * * , etc etc. Then almost always, when we argue I would rather not speak to him so I do not answer the phone and he will call me non-stop. Even sometimes until 4-5AM calling and calling, leaving seldom v-mail messages with nasty remarks. The weird part about it is that he will call me the next day with a nice demeanor as if nothing occurred the night before. I know he loves me and cares about me. But sometimes, I cannot take the way he behaves. To me, it seems to be very immature for his age. To my detriment, I think I have taken it for so long that I am so used to it...that I have just succumbed to his behavior. Am I just weak and just plain stupid? I have seen the good part of him and how big his heart is....I just want so much more from our relationship at my age. I have tried to let him know how I feel but he just doesn't seem to get it. Should I just accept him for who he is? Link to comment
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