Hot hot hot

[bostonchiiiiica]

What do ya'll think the effect on a dumper who just wants to be "free" would be when the person they dumped comes back into view after a few months looking really, really hot and posessing a whole new, attractive attitude? I've been on a total self improvement kick and I see a definite difference in myself.

 

Because of the comfort level, I kind of let myself go when I was dating my ex, but I'm wondering if my new "makeover" will make my ex do any rethinking when I see him in about a month.

 

Anyone heard of exes crawling back when their other half suddenly becomes more attractive then they've ever been?

[detox5]

im going through the same thing really, I think in a way yes they will think hmm you look good. But on the other hand they DID break up for space and be free, there is no complecations about feelings about you, its jus tthat they need time. In effect, it might make them think even quicker and harder that they know you are hot and you are single, meanin that others can have a play. But I wouldnt go too far out of your way too making them want you, for their sake, cause it will show you showing off etc and it wont be easy on them. Remember they just wanted space and freedom, they never said, I dont like u anymore, or ive met some 1 else.

But the answer to your question, is yea, i do think they would f ind you attractive with your new traits, but there feelings for you never actually really changed, so it doesnt really matter I think.

[fantasia2004]

Read other testimonies here on the site they will tell that change is hard but good. I am going through a change myself.

 

Sometimes like my ex after he dumped me to be with someone else had the nerve to tell me what changes he made to make himself say "hey I am doing better without you"

[nick23]

I have definitely started hitting the gym hard lately...something i forgot about doing while i was with my ex. I am thinking the same thing!

[melrich]

I suppose that if the reason he broke up with you was because he no longer found you physically attractive the change may have some affect. However it would have to have been a fairly shallow relationship in the first place if this was the case. Really if the changes you have worked to achieve suddenly made him want to be with you again I think you should run a million miles the other way. That is just the sort of guy who ends up trading in his middle aged wife for a newer younger model. Typically I don't think most people are that shallow.

[Dreng3333]

I think it is good to get yourself in shape. however, if you are doing it to make your ex jealous, not so good. Lets just look at the perfect case senario here:

 

He sees you after you get in shape and are looking hot. He asks you if you'd like to get together again. You guys go out.

 

Now, if you guys get together again like this, completely based on your looks. Is this really a guy you want to be in a relationship with?

 

Again, the fact that you are getting in shape, is great. Doing it to get back together with someone you think dumped you on your looks, not so good.

[RayKay]

If they broke up with you for space - not because of you, I don't think it will make a difference...HOWEVER, it will give you a lot more confidence in yourself, and that is attractive to anyone. Though again, if their cause was space, it is still not exactly going to help...but who knows.

 

In my case, it would not help...PRE breakup I was cycling (mtn & road) about 250-350 km/week plus 4.5 hours of yoga a week....anymore than that post breakup and I would have to quit my job for the time! I am still doing same training schedule for most part. I am already in really good shape, but I am more motivated to kick butt in racing now to impress him more sometimes - since we are still riding/racing buddies & teammates. So since he sees me regularly anyway I don't think I could have any "dramatic change"!

 

But do workout, it makes you feel good about yourself, and it is good to have another hobby!

[a_little_sparrow]

Well, for Bostonchiica I'm going to chime in a more positive note. I think it's great that she's finding more confidence in herself, and in how she feels about her looks. It's a much better state of mind to be in for dealing with all the horrible emotions that go with a break up.

 

The thing I think everyone else here is saying is basically what gets said all over this board. A mantra I'm learning. No contact is for your benefit, not the ex's. The same I think goes to a healthy attitude. And I'd say that it's not only going to be the ex that notices you, it's going to be the guys at the grocery store, at the park. And that should feel really good.

[bostonchiiiiica]

Well, see, when I wrote this I was thinking more along the lines of a_little_sparrow's reply...

 

I am not hoping be looking good he will want to go out again, I know that is not the case. I just mean it will be more attractive and is kind of the best revenge against the ex, so to speak. Not that I am out for revenge, but I want him to think about losing me forever. And by looking good, being confident, and going out and having fun much more than I ever did before---I am hoping he will sing things in a new light.

[Azure13]

I think it might rekindle some interest or feelings for you, I mean who doesn't want to be with someone they find attractive? I don't think that exes feelings ever completely die for each other 100 percent.. so I don't think that looking really good could hurt. Do it for your own self esteem, he'll be attracted by your confidence and the way you have everything together

[fantasia2004]

Yeah the most important thing here that most posts are speaking about is

 

do it for you not for them and that is what is happening to me eating less junk food taking care of me getting better healthier getting a job , never looking back traveling alone more and loving me all the time that is really what attractiveness to my ex was about.

 

Anfd should be to tohers as well as you.