alcohol/drugs/past in relationships.

[dld123]

i am currently in a 4 month relationship with a girl that I've known for about 5 years.

 

From how i've known her, she seemed like the party type/drinker/and i guess i would say somewhat person. thats how i saw her but ive looked past that.

 

she loved to smoke and she took pills often. ive said that was a problem in our relationship (especially the pill one). she hasn't since and smokes still very rarely. I'm not a fan of her past in general and number of sexual partners/hookups and it bothers me at times, but i know its all about W.I.N (whats important now)

 

Shes a big fan of drinking often, for some reason i seem to have some sort of a problem with that often, i just don't like it and im guessing that its mainly cause of trust issues.

 

i'm just wondering if that's ok for me to feel that way about these things, or am i just being silly about all this?

[generaldiscord]

Some girls are promiscuous because they think that's the only reason guys will like them. They sometimes abuse drugs because it's an easy way to feel good and have a nice time.

 

Other girls are promiscuous because they genuinely adore it, and they abuse drugs because they are living in the present and they like to enjoy themselves.

 

They both don't make for ideal relationships with non-promiscuous straight people. But, since this girl has reduced smoking, she's obviously trying to make something better. She might be doing it for you, but hopefully she's doing it for herself. I don't think it's unreasonable to require your partner to be more sober than not. Definitely let her know when you're happy with her, let her know that you like the person she is when she's sober and not drugged up. Let her know that you appreciate her faithfulness. If you let her know when you're happy with things then you will be supporting her. In my experience, nagging and complaining to a recovering drug addict, alcoholic, or sex addict is a total waste of time unless they can learn to feel good when they're sober.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I am not quite sure why you chose to get into a relationship with her since she clearly does not share the same values as you. The problem with telling her that you would prefer if she didn't smoke and take pills is that once she is no longer out to impress you she will probably revert back to those behaviours. A person has to change bad behaviours because THEY want to, not because a partner wants them to. Her party lifestyle, drinking, pills and promiscuity is part of who she is. No matter what other good qualities she has, this part of her personality is a real sore spot with you and I am wondering if you would be better off finding someone whose values more closely mesh with yours.

[Maveric]

Sure you are right to feel this way but what you may think is wrong she may think is right so really its a lifestyle choice. Very rarely can you influence someone especially if there young to alter their social lifestyle to suit you. Unless she's like an alcoholic or drug addict you should either accept her and the relationship or just leave the relationship. Talking doesnt help, been there done that, had an ex who liked cocaine [yeah i know brutal] yet strangely enough she was still very successful in life. I pleaded her to stop for a year but all worthless. I still talk to her now sometimes 6 years later and she still does it.