ex landed in the hospital, my vow of NC was broken

[mattguy]

Last time me and my ex hungout it got messy and I swore him off.

 

well last Saturday morning his best friend called to tell me he was in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, he almost died. He was taken to the hospital in an ambulance.

 

that night he asked me if he could come over and if I could take care of him ( I think Im a safe place for him) We had a good night (sex, movie, cuddling, kissing . . . good feelings)

 

(He now lives an hour out of the city) he was saying things like " well how are we going to do this? I guess i could stay here on weekends and you can visit me in the middle of the week?" - making it sound like things were leading somewhere.

 

the next day we spent the day together and it was great as well. Now that hes back at his place I barely hear from him, he takes 2 hours to reply to a txt, he says he will call and he doesnt.

 

ugh its really taking a toll on me, the past 4 months Ive wanted to get back together and I feel like we are so close. but when im not with him I dont think he knows i exist, when im with him he DEFINITELY shows me that he likes me.

 

I dont think I can walk away from it again, I tried going NC for a month and it didnt work. we keep coming back to eachother . Im thinking maybe I need to leave it alone and see where things are in a month then decide to have the talk. he seems to run from pressure

[mattguy]

*I know i keep going back to him so please dont give me a hard time about it

[fuddiduddy]

Not meant as advice per se, but I'm just sharing that if I were in your shoes, I'd do LC for about 3 wks or so.

 

Check in on him every now and then, but with NO expectation of anything more from either one of you.

[abitbroken]

*I know i keep going back to him so please dont give me a hard time about it

 

Sorry, but we need to keep things "real" (pardon the cliche) around here in order to help folks have breakthroughs.

 

Firstly, do you honestly want to be in a relationship with someone who has had drank to the point of having alcohol poisoning? Is that healthy?

 

It appears that you came to the rescue for him to clean up his mess, and are allowing yourself to be manipulated and you are also manipulating him. You might be a bit codependent, and creating boundaries may be the only thing that helps you. It is not wrong or evil of someone to point a person to the direction of getting help without having to take them in. Also, having sex with him created a situation where he doesn't have to have a relationship with you because you are doing it with no strings attached. Have some respect for yourself and make the decision to not have sex with anyone you are not in a relationship with and having sex doesn't "start" a relationship or hook someone into one.

 

Also, if you are seeing eachother it seems you are fretting over the frequency he communicates with you. If he lives somewhere else, he has work and laundry to take care of - so has other stuff to do.

[jbrooklyn]

*I know i keep going back to him so please dont give me a hard time about it

 

matt, this is a trap. Send a card! I want to be honest, I dont know what you should do....He dont deserve your support and may not even want it. I dont know.

[incaangelique]

You have a heart of gold mattguy. I read your posts about how he treated you recently. Don't hate me for saying this, but this guy seems like he is selfish and manipulating, and he lies to people to get sex. He seems to care little about the feelings of others, and it's all about him. On top of all that, I think he's an alcoholic. This is just the sense I get. I don't know him personally, of course. I don't want him to use you again, keep you around till he's feeling better, and then discard you.

You seem so nice and loyal. I know it's a cliche, but you are too good for him.

[Cadence44]

I don't like the sounds of this guy, but I'm going to give you advice anyway:

 

If you want different results, you have to stop doing the same thing. Right now, he has you where he wants you. He snaps, you jump. He has no reason to change if you're always on the back burner, available to him whenever he wants. Be busy doing things with other people and not able to talk to him. Back waaaay off from him and you may get him thinking about you in a different way.

[agent1607307371]

( I think Im a safe place for him)

 

Really, sounds to me like he knows you are a soft touch he can have running around for him when he needs it, and has no problem buggering off when he doesn't.

[mattguy]

I don't like the sounds of this guy, but I'm going to give you advice anyway:

 

If you want different results, you have to stop doing the same thing. Right now, he has you where he wants you. He snaps, you jump. He has no reason to change if you're always on the back burner, available to him whenever he wants. Be busy doing things with other people and not able to talk to him. Back waaaay off from him and you may get him thinking about you in a different way.

 

i tried that, went NC for a month, ignored all his txts. he statrted tellin me that he missed me and all that, then when we evenutally did start taking he backed off. what do i do? back off forever.... maybe......

[abitbroken]

i tried that, went NC for a month, ignored all his txts. he statrted tellin me that he missed me and all that, then when we evenutally did start taking he backed off. what do i do? back off forever.... maybe......

 

I have been there. When an ex writes you a note that they "miss you" - well, its okay for them to miss you. Treat it as them just stating a fact. It is not up to you to run to the rescue and fix their missing of you by being in front of them. He is going to continue to contact you only when he needs something, and is not going to reciprocate.

 

Yes, I suggest that you back off forever. I think you are wanting to be with him for validation and because he doesn't want to a relationship with you when you should be looking at him as someone who is unhealthy for you. There are other fish in the sea - but maybe try being alone for awhile. Work through some of the things you have learned about yourself through this to be a stronger person.

[ElectricSheep123]

Absolutely no offense, but there is a quote in my sig that applies to you:

"A fool for love is a fool for pain"

 

I don't know what else to say. You allow yourself to be walked over in the name of love from a guy who loves you when he feels like it, then treats you like trash the rest of the time. He has hurt you so many times, and it's like you never learn.

 

I can definitely understand when you love someone and think that they are the right one for you. But in the end, you have to toughen up and be firm either you want me right now, or you lose me forever." Don't let him play games with your heart. You're gonna be in perpetual pain, and may be passing up the chance of meeting the right one if he's out there.

 

PS: Didn't he have any friends who could take care of him?

[mattguy]

thanks for all your posts, i am just rethinking it all.

 

I never felt good enough for him and its because he never made me feel like i was good enough for him. He was always checking out other guys when we were together and telling me how hot other people were, then he was complaining that i wasnt educated enough.

 

i dont understand why i am so in love with him, i really wish i wasnt though. the way he's been acting lately is starting to turn me off and tonight is one of the first nights that i am actually not wishing he was beside me.

 

I am going to back off of him and focus on myself. if he calls me im not going to ignore him but im just not going to keep putting in 200% of the effort.

 

if he doesnt make any moves than that just shows how much he cares and Ill just try to give up . This distance between us now doesnt seem like such a bad thing....

[jbrooklyn]

I think this is wise. It is HIS LOSS Matt. You gave him good love and he BLANTLY disrespects you and then dont give a damm afterwards. Why do you need to rush to his side? Some people just dont appreciate good people. They are full of themselves and so selfish that they cant see. I would pray and let that be the help I provide for him. If he really wants you there by his side, he will ask for it. If you come rushing...he will use you again and go off with mr new booty when he heals. Just keep moving in the directions you was heading.

 

Iknow how hard it is not to look back. I cry every morning. I still pray about it too. But I have to go on living and hope for the best. That is all I have.

[abitbroken]

He is not to blame for making you feel "not good enough". You are the only one who can feel "good enough." And he isn't making moves to show he cares about you - if you put up with being told you are uneducated and other people are hotter than you, then he likes the fact that he can keep you under his thumb. Don't create a litmus test - if he makes a certain move it means he cares, but if he doesn't he doesn't. Just get away. And you might not really "love" him like you think - you are just tangled up in a web of codependency and neediness.

[jbrooklyn]

He is not to blame for making you feel "not good enough". You are the only one who can feel "good enough." And he isn't making moves to show he cares about you - if you put up with being told you are uneducated and other people are hotter than you, then he likes the fact that he can keep you under his thumb. Don't create a litmus test - if he makes a certain move it means he cares, but if he doesn't he doesn't. Just get away. And you might not really "love" him like you think - you are just tangled up in a web of codependency and neediness.

 

ONLY you can MAKE you feel not good enough! That is so hot!! I had to write that down for sure!!