Does your S.O have any habits that annoy you?

[Lauren8785]

I love my Fiancee with all my heart. However there are some things that he does that annoy the hell out of me. Does anyone else feel that way with their SO's at times too??

 

For instance, I think he's OCD. He takes a long time to do other things that need attending to. For example, he will check and re-check if the doors are locked, he will be using the sink and then continue to use his hand to splash water on the faucet and wipe it down continuously, and does other things continously over and over. He will open the fridge and then close it, open it and then clost it and I laugh when I watch him do it, to myself, not out loud at him but I am laughing on the inside cause it's hailrious watching him do the same thing over and over. I mean wth! He stands there thinking about something for a good 15 mins I'd say when the grocerys need to be put away or something that needs attending to, like he's collecting his thoughts and he just stands there for so long. He did that when we visited his parents too. One day we went to visit them and everyone else is sitting down and he's standing by the door with his coat and shoes on still and just stood there for a good 20 mins while we were all sitting down looking at him like what the h.e.l.l we told him to come and sit with us and stay a while and he gets an attitude and said just hold on and STILL stands there I mean what the heck. Finally....he came and sat with us with his coat off and shoes. I don't understand why he does things like that, it doesn't make any sense to me?? Very annoying some of his habits.

 

In the bathroom he takes a shower and then when he comes out the floor is saturated. I go wth happened here he says he doesn't know. Obviously he doesn't close the shower curtain all the way cause how else would water be all over the effing floor!! When I shower I don't get the floor all wet it's dry when I come out, so I dk * * * he's doing and this is ALL the time and that ticks me off.

 

Then when I make suggestions or put my input on something he wants to do, sometimes he will get a tone in his voice that ticks me off and then I start snapping. He always thinks I am starting something when I tell him hun I am making a suggestion not trying to push you, and he's like I want to do it when I want to and my way. I just suggest that maybe he can do what he wants at this time rather then doing it another day and so forth. Its not like I am demanding him to do it right then and there. Which annoys me cause I'm trying to have him see other options and stuff.

 

Then we argue about stupid little things. For instance last night I noticed a tone in his voice that I did not appreciate it so he was putting something away in the freezer and on one side of it I had all my things and then he goes well Im sorry and tried to move it I am like excuse me why cant you move the other stuff in the freezer on the other side, is that so hard to do and he's like no then I go then do it don't move my stuff and then it just blew up from there I'm like why are you getting an attitude with me and he goes Im upset (I texted him that I wanted to visit my family Saturday afternoon and usually I work Saturdays but found out at work Friday that I was off, so I wanted to visit my family for a little bit and then we could spend OUR time together) because you didn't ask me if I wanted to visit your family you just said you hope we can go. I said I didn't think it'd be a big deal you like seeing my family so I didn't think visiting them for a couple hours would be a big deal to you, then he goes well I wanted to spend the whole day with you and just us blah blah I go well I didn't know that dear I didn't know I was going to have off etc etc and he just kept on arguing with me about it. I said whats the big effing deal we visit for two hours and then we have the rest of the night to our selfs my goodness its not the end of the world. Then he just kept on saying he wanted a WHOLE day together. I go well maybe next time we can do that just let me know what we can do. Just argue over dumb things like that and it just makes me furious. There is no reason to get an attitude with me and then blow it out of proportion. Ugh just things like this drive me aboustely out of my bird!!!

 

Sorry, just venting here. Have any of you experienced things like this or habits your partner has that annoy you?????

[_Asti_]

My level of acceptance towards my partner has drastically changed.

 

When we first moved in together, I found myself nit picking or really whining and complaining about things. But with time, I've learned that they are his habits, and my entire attitude has completely changed...

 

For example, whether it be the fact that he drops his crap at the back door the minute he walks in. I've just learned to pick it up and put is some place accordingly [even if its just tossing it into his office down the hall..] Or that he throws his clothes on the floor just outside the closet door...I essentially just kick it into the closet onto his side or toss it into the laundry myself.

 

At the end of the day I found myself questioning and realizing how much unecessary energy I was putting into getting mad or frustrated over the stupidest things..and instead of nagging him everyday about it, I just did it myself.

 

At the end of the day, if my only complaint is that his socks can't find the laundry bin, I've got it made. I don't control him. I don't really think I have any right to nit pick his habits, and vice versa.

 

 

Sounds like a few of the things you listed aren't necessarily bad habits. They sound like communication issues, and personality issues. Having a negative tone of voice isn't a bad habit.

[Batya33]

I'm with Asti on this one - I've been living with my husband for about a year and that is how I deal with it. The other way I deal with it is to recognize my flaws - whether I share that with him or not, I think of the things I do that likely annoy him, which humbles me and gives me a healthier perspective.

 

Are you thinking of having a child with this man? If so, multiply your current level of annoyance MANY TIMES unless you change your attitude. That's because there will be so many things you have to do for the baby that involve timing, some stress, sleep deprivation, lots of laundry, shopping, cleaning, coordinating with family, friends, caregivers and still getting your own stuff done. I urge you to start working on being a team now (what Asti suggested and then my "humility" approach).

 

Pre-marital counseling might also help as might reading books that are written by educated experts in the field that have a common sense approach to living with someone.

 

Just from reading your post - he might be annoyed with your use of slang/curse words, he might see your behavior as controlling, he might resent the amount of time you want him to spend with your family -- and I'm sure you can add to the list of things you do that might annoy him. I don't think you should go on a rampage against yourself, of course, just be objective with the goal of humility and not needing to be "right".

[DN]

Then when I make suggestions or put my input on something he wants to do, sometimes he will get a tone in his voice that ticks me off and then I start snapping. He always thinks I am starting something when I tell him hun I am making a suggestion not trying to push you, and he's like I want to do it when I want to and my way. I just suggest that maybe he can do what he wants at this time rather then doing it another day and so forth. Its not like I am demanding him to do it right then and there. Which annoys me cause I'm trying to have him see other options and stuff.

 

If he has made it clear that he doesn't appreciate your input or suggestions into things that he is doing - why do you keep doing that? If it doesn't affect you then leave him be. Even 'nicely' phrased suggestions can be seen as interfering.

 

I too would not be happy if my wife made plans that included me with asking me first. And she would if I did that.

 

I would be annoyed at mess in the bathroom that was left but I think you need to be a little more flexible here.

[misssmithviii]

I think both of you have communication issues that need to be resolved to keep the peace. I know there are things that may annoy, but I'm sure you do things that annoy him too - it sounds like a simple argument gets perpetuated by both of your needs to be "right" or the "right one" instead of productively coming to terms with each other. My father used to say that "more often than not, it's the little things that break people up and make them miserable," and that's why I think you two should start recognizing what ticks each other off, accept it and take steps

 

My man is quite forgetful, we have his mom to thank for that who would tell him to pick up his clothes or whatever when he was young, and when he'd forget - shed do it for him anyway, every single time with everything. This annoyed me, I was appalled at how he would sometimes forget to pick up his clothes in the bathroom, the living room or where ever. Instead of always picking a fight, he finally said something that made me think, "You know the more you tell me, it's like my brain shuts it away because I just feel like sh*t... you think you could be nicer babe?" So now, if he leaves something, I look at him and smile and he goes "Oh! I've got it babe, sorry." And now he hardly ever does it anymore - he'll come home and right when he takes his shirt off, he looks down at the floor (you can see him thinking from the living room it's so cute) and he walks to the closet to put it in the hamper.

 

Basically hon, what I've learned in a relationship is the more annoyed you are, the more annoyed your partner gets. The more negative you are, the more negative the relationship gets.

[muchacha_abril]

I just hate how hyper he can get sometimes. Grrr.

[Convict7]

Watching "Scrubs" one day I heard the most appropriate quote about love that I have ever before or since.

 

Said by Turk: " You annoy me more than I ever thought possible, but...I want to spend every irritating minute with you."

 

There are times when I am puppy dog eyes, my heart melting, weak in the knees in love with my girl. And then there are those times when she annoys me in ways I never thought possible. Accepting all of those aspects of her has made me much more relaxed and happy in life.

 

Actions can certianly be modified, but you have to love who he is at his core.

[Lauren8785]

Yeah, your right communication is probably what we need to work on. I actually thought my Fiance and I were communicating quite well but I guess we still need to work on it more. Maybe I need to be more understanding of his habits or more accepting or something. I asked him what is something I need to change so I know not to do it anymore and he told me he doesn't like being rushed it makes him nervous and stuff and I have been told that by friends before so that is nothing new to me and I know that is something I need to work on, and I want to, but how?? I told my finace I am the type of person who likes to be early. I always leave a half and hour before I start my shift at work so I can clean up my desk and go to the bathroom and stuff like that before my shift starts. When there is a family event I like to be a little bit early or on time. For example, If we have to be somewhere by 10pm and it's 9:30pm I start to get anxious cause it's getting close to that time and I don't want to be late, cause I want to get seats or something!

 

He likes to take his time in the bathroom which I find a bit odd for a man, not trying to be sexist but usually woman take longer than a man in the bathroom and I guess it bothers me a bit but can't really do nothing about it I suppose. I don't take that long I do what I need to do and get out. I don't take much time in there. Again, he does something in there over and over sometimes when I walk past I view him in there and again I don't know why he takes so long ugh drives me nuts.

 

I also agree that it is probably dumb of me to waste my energy being annoyed by these things but HOW do I let it not get me into a frenzy??

 

I mean I recognize I need to change somethings I just ain't sure HOW to.

[Lauren8785]

Yeah I can relate a bit. Sometimes when I ask him to do me a favor he sometimes forgets or does it later. What annoys me is when I ask for something to be done or need help with something, I'd like it done when I ask him not be done later. Makes me feel like he doesn't want to help me out when I need it!! He told me he's used to having his parents do things for him, he's an only child. Where as I am used to doing things for myself and getting them done when I want it done but sometimes we all need help. I guess as one poster noted here, that we have personality issues. Other then these things we get along fine and about 95% of the time have a great time with each other and have fun!! He is the best thing that has happened to me and never would want to lose him and he feels the same way but we both need to work on these things.

[Lauren8785]

If he has made it clear that he doesn't appreciate your input or suggestions into things that he is doing - why do you keep doing that? If it doesn't affect you then leave him be. Even 'nicely' phrased suggestions can be seen as interfering.

 

I too would not be happy if my wife made plans that included me with asking me first. And she would if I did that.

 

I would be annoyed at mess in the bathroom that was left but I think you need to be a little more flexible here.

 

I guess I do that because I want him to do it when I suggest it. I know I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do but I feel like I ain't being listened to then which does get under my skin a bit. Maybe I just expect him to do things the way I do and I know thats unrealistic cause we're all different and do things differently but yet I still have this thought- if you will. Something I know I need to change, again HOW??

 

Thanks guys for your feedback and opinions. It sure helps when you get other view points and such!!!

[Batya33]

How? By having talks with yourself and changing your behavior each time you find yourself falling into the same unproductive pattern. You can't help how you feel (annoyed) but you can change how you react to how you feel. You do have to give up the "but I want this done NOW" or "but I don't want to be late". On the lateness, simply tell him that you think it's selfish to be late to meet friends/family so that when it has to do with other people waiting, maybe he can meet you there when he is ready and you go alone. But without anger or defensiveness. Or lie to him about when something starts so you can end up being on time even though he will run "late".

 

I changed an annoying habit of mine - I'm bad at closing doors, drawers, caps on things, you name it - and some months ago I decided to change that because I knew it could be annoying to my husband and it makes a neat home look messy. It took awhile -- all habit changing does - but now I either do it automatically or I remember immediately to go back and do it because it feels "wrong". That's what you have to do - get to a point where you've behaved the new way so many times that it's your old way that feels wrong.

 

Like the poster said about the things left on the floor- she stopped nagging him about it (and I can relate to why she did!!) and his reaction changed. I bet now if she slipped and nagged it would feel weird to her.

[Maya_A]

I'm bad at closing doors, drawers, caps on things, you name it

 

Me too, Biiiig time, Batya lol... I guess that is something I need to consider should I ever be living with my now bf... Glad you were able to make the transition & make it stick - there's hope! ;-)

 

Good advice....

[Lauren8785]

Thanks Batya! With the part I bolded. I know I can't help how I feel, but how could I react to it better?? Also with the "but I want this done NOW," part how can I change that part?? Thanks

[DN]

Thanks Batya! With the part I bolded. I know I can't help how I feel, but how could I react to it better?? Also with the "but I want this done NOW," part how can I change that part?? Thanks

I think it is important to change the "I want this done now" part but it is also even more important to consider whether you have the right to want 'it' done at all.

 

Your 'making suggestions' about the things he does sounds like very controlling and "I know best" behaviour - and that is something you need to look at very carefully.

[Batya33]

Thanks Batya! With the part I bolded. I know I can't help how I feel, but how could I react to it better?? Also with the "but I want this done NOW," part how can I change that part?? Thanks

 

You react to it by choosing a behavior that is less controlling/demanding as DN wrote (and what he wrote helped me look at my own behavior which I share because once you get into the mindset of more humility, you're more open to seeing where you can change to keep the family peace).