bad timing?

[coolchick64]

How many of you feel your relationships ended due to bad timing? Why was the timing bad? Did it help you heal to realize this, or did it make the split more frustrating and hard to accept?

[jettison]

Yes. I still have a breakup that has haunting qualities, and it haunts because we broke up while we were still in love, and it was so much about "poor timing". Tough pill to swallow, that one. She's getting married in the fall though so it's much to do about nothing. I feel grateful that we got to fall in love with each other, and they are amazing memories. Dude is a lucky son-of-a-beetch for sure.

 

Plus side... millions of people out there, starved for you love if you're only willing to expose it.

[warmpandacola]

Yeah. Definetly bad timing with the last one. I try not to look too deep because it's already bad enough with the memories and regrets. If we'd met before 2 more things had affected his life things would've probably gone better. If we hadn't of moved in so soon we probably would've had more respect and appreciation and if things weren't so stressful for me with work, school, and car troubles, and his depression/blocked emotions at the time of the break up we probably would of still been together. Actually if I hadn't of broke up with him out of anger and making the decision so quickly we probably would still be together. There were serveral reasons for the break up and I was the dumper but I'm the one not over him. Doesn't make sense but that's life.

[Poetry Guy]

Jettison,

 

Your situation is very similar to mine. I was the dumper in my relationship, but (and this is for the OP as well) we were plagued by nothing but crappy circumstances from the beginning and all the way through to the end. What made it worse is, like in Jetison's case, we broke up while we were still in love but I did so more out of frustration with our circumstances than anything else. Yes, she did some bad things, yes I did some bad things, yes we both did some good things. I'm not going to minimize or displace the blame onto either one of us as one person being more at fault than the other or one person trying harder than the other. That's what coming to acceptance is all about.

 

Needless to say, I strongly believe that we all meet people in our life for a reason, regardless of how bad the timing might be, and while that in and of itself leaves us thinking about all kinds of "What If?" scenarios its ultimately unfair to ourselves to think that way. The reality of it is that however bad the timing was, however crappy the circumstances were, that was the hand we were dealt and if it was truly meant to be, then we would have been able to successfully work through all of those obstacles with our SOs. Would things have been different if the timing was better? Sure they would have. Absolutely. But we can't change the past and at the same time there's really no telling what might have ended up happening on down the road anyways.

 

It sucks, its frustrating, in alot of ways these kinds of breakups are the worst kinds because of all of the things I mentioned above. Unfortunately, "What If" is a fairy tale - "What Is" is reality. We have to accept that and do our best to move forward. Perhaps at some point in time when all of us are in a better place with ourselves, and our ex's are in a better place, there might be a desire to give it another try specifically because of the timing...but that's something that only time and patience will tell, and we can't sit around waiting for that to happen.

[jimmajam]

I am almost 4 years older than my ex. She started college as I was finishing up. She got into the stage of wanting to be free, do what she wanted to do and whenever with friends. She was wanting to focus on friends and enjoying college and kind of ignored making time for us. I was ready to get serious, working on a business, ready to set myself up for buying a house and all that good stuff.

 

We were fine while we were both in school and had similar goals. Once I was out and looking to get serious about life and our relationship, she was looking to get serious with friends and her social life which was just taking off with college stuff things started falling apart.

 

I felt like she wasn't spending enough time on us and she felt like she wasn't getting enough time and freedom to do what she wanted with friends.

 

There were other things, but time factors really brought on a lot of the small things.

 

It hurt my healing process and made the split worse because I realized that a lot of our issues were brought on by this bad timing. Plus, she seemed to get over it easy - probably because she just submerged herself in college and all the friends related things she wanted to do. I was pulling away from friends to spend time on my business for the last year, so I felt pretty alone for a while and couldn't focus on my work.

[stu1973]

Abso-bloody-lutely bad timing in mine. Enough said

[coolchick64]

Yeah, when someone breaks up while clutching you, crying, and saying "I'll love you forever," it's a tough pill to swallow. But if the timing is off, nothing else matters. What more can you say? Well, either that or he's a pathological liar . . .

[abigheart]

How many of you feel your relationships ended due to bad timing? Why was the timing bad? Did it help you heal to realize this, or did it make the split more frustrating and hard to accept?

 

Very much so. I don't blame him, we are young at 21, both each other's first love (and break-up). College is over soon for the both of us but he has another year, is thinking about going to grad school - his plate is full, no room for a r/s unless there was something else. But yes, his reasons were very much based on time and the future, mentioning how much more painful and difficult it would be to break up 4,5 years from now when it's that time most think about engagement. It hurt to hear that but I suppose if I REALLY step back, it's true.

 

Overall, I'm half and half. The split 2 months ago was very frustrating and is still difficult to accept sometimes because there was nothing blatantly problematic about our r/s. Sigh. I don't know what the future holds but I guess it was silly for me to think we could stay together all the way down the road...

[Speranza]

My last one. And personally I think it made - makes - it harder because the 'What-ifs' are whsipering louder in my ear than they might have been.

 

HOWEVER - I'm at the point now where I'm sort of relieved the timing was bad, so I guess this is recovery of sorts!

[Carus]

My exGF was 21 when we met.....

 

When she left me she stated she just wanted to be free and single...and then went straight into another LTR.....

 

She will be 26 this year and moving into that 'wanting to settle down' zone...

 

But now she'll be doing it with him, and not me.....I should of met her now not then!

 

I feel like I nurtured and grew a beautiful tree, and then someone else ran off with the fruit.....

 

Ah well....It is what it is*

 

Ever Forward

K2*

[Speranza]

Beautifully - and sadly - put...

[catfeeder]

I believed it was all about timing at the time. Looking back, it spared me from making a serious mistake. As much as I will always love him, I would have been miserable with the life changes I almost made for him. Sometimes love just isn't enough.

[mmmd]

i was in a relationship with a girl whose last boyfriend had physically abused her. she wasn't over it yet. really, really, really liked her. she really liked me. but it sabotaged everything.

 

so, if i had met her when she was more healed, probably could've been fine and very happy.

[confuseddotcom]

i was in a relationship with a girl whose last boyfriend had physically abused her. she wasn't over it yet. really, really, really liked her. she really liked me. but it sabotaged everything.

 

so, if i had met her when she was more healed, probably could've been fine and very happy.

 

 

Same here apart from her ex had been emotionally abusive rather than physical. At one point she even said she wish we'd met 2 years down the line.

[Brownstone322]

Nah, the timing of my breakup was about right. Overdue, really. We had ongoing issues that only time apart would resolve.

 

The only ill-timed aspect was that I was in my last semester of grad school, during the capstone research project. That sucked. But you know how the proverb goes: "If it don't kill you, it makes you stronger."

[Little lady]

My exGF was 21 when we met.....

 

When she left me she stated she just wanted to be free and single...and then went straight into another LTR.....

 

She will be 26 this year and moving into that 'wanting to settle down' zone...

 

But now she'll be doing it with him, and not me.....I should of met her now not then!

 

I feel like I nurtured and grew a beautiful tree, and then someone else ran off with the fruit.....

 

Ah well....It is what it is*

 

Ever Forward

K2*

 

 

Geez that is so sad, and that's exactly how I feel. I guess we have to just accept it for what it is, and do just that. Accept it. No regrets!

[Little lady]

I guess we can all feel that is was bad timing but sometimes it isn't. Even if we don't know it, it's exactly what we need. Even if we may not want it at the time. Time surely does tell. I hope each one of you learn that each moment is golden and learn to appreciate it.

 

When I'm feeling week and lonely and start to cry, I know somehow these moments are making me stronger and healing me.

 

Remember you are never alone. For there is always this forum!