Serious effort to change--- would you take them back??

[R_wants_R_back]

Hey,

 

only made a few posts here but been thinking about this for a while because it's relevant to my break up.

 

Think it may have been posted/asked here before but can't find the thread.

 

If you broke up with your ex because of depression/insecurities that they were always afraid to face and kept trying to bury them, but you really loved them would you give it another go if they seriously addressed those issues ie. going to counseling etc?

 

if it was the only problem in the relationship i mean.... I know insecurity is a big attraction killer, perhaps the biggest.

 

My ex said if we were to ever get back together it would basically mean i would have to change this jealous/controlling person i had become. and both of these stem obviously from Insecurity.

 

I have started counseling and therapy but it has become less about getting her back and really just about me hating the person i am currently/have become and wanting it to change for my future.

 

so would you take the person back if they made a serious effort to change???

[metrogirl]

Some might, others won't. It would depend on many things really.

[R_wants_R_back]

thats quite vague alright! i'd figured out that much for myself.... what would YOU do?

[lavenderdove]

I would take the person back IF i really loved them and IF they showed a genuine change and IF they stayed on their medication and treatment (if depression was the source of the problem) and IF i hadn't already moved on to someone else and made a commitment there.

 

There is always a possibility of reconciliation, but it has to be based on a lot of factors that must fit together correctly for it to be successful.

 

Your best bet is to just keep working on doing those things that will improve your life. Focus on getting better, and the rest will take care of itself. Either way you win, in that you get a better life regardless, and maybe you get her back (or maybe not), but if you don't, you're ready for a much better relationship with someone new if you have resolved the personal problems that destroyed past relationships.

[metrogirl]

Personally, I am the girl that took back her insecure and extremely jealous boyfriend after an 8 month break up but only because he entered into counseling and really worked hard on his issues. He was dedicated to showing me that he could change because he wanted the relationship to work.

 

I was with him a few years before all these changes took place.

 

Were you with her long? What was your relationship like? Were you clingy, abusive? Did you cheat?

[R_wants_R_back]

that's kinda what I'm aiming for ... improving me for me. she knows i love her but she said she just couldn't deal with my constant pressure. i said I'd disappear from her life for a few months and when the time comes she could decide whether or not she wanted to let me back into her life. She was my best friend AND my lover.

 

I don't think she'll get into anything serious with anyone, she just wants to have fun at the moment get back to spending time with her friends and she's starting a work related evening course and wants to concentrate on herself for a while not having to worry about anyone else. A good mutual friend told me she loves me to bits and that she misses me. i don't think it's fair on her to have to deal with this only i can do that, alone.

 

I get on with her better than i have with anyone else I've ever met, we have so much in common it's almost weird at times. I really miss her

[R_wants_R_back]

 

Were you with her long? What was your relationship like? Were you clingy, abusive? Did you cheat?

 

I was with her nearly 5 years

 

relationship was great except for my jealous/controlling/clingyness it didn't change overnight just crept up. Sex was amazing, going out together was great, she loved my son (from previous relationship) and did everything she could to help me with him, she accepted everything about my life.

 

it was the fear that she would realise that she didn't want to be with someone who was so tied down and bolt one day that i think made me act the way i did

 

Never cheated on her, never even used to think about meeting other girls which is the first time in my life i haven't...

[Brigadoon]

Hey R, I'm really hoping that getting your act together can earn you a second chance too! Nice to see someone else from Ireland on here too by the way

[R_wants_R_back]

thanks brigadoon!

 

It would be nice

[R_wants_R_back]

this is a question for everyone!! don't be afraid to answer the question ...!