We Had the "Talk"

[soporcogitavi]

I've been dating this women I met online for 3 weeks now, and it got intense quickly and I would say it moved fast, yet it wasnt rushed. We slept together, Ive stayed at her place, and we've seen each other at least 10 times. Im going to Europe next week for 3 weeks so I decided to speak with her yesterday. Here's a brief rundown:

 

 

-We talked about how things moved fast but it was natural and the feelings were mutual.

 

-I told her "Im surprised that I met someone like you online", she said "I wasnt really even looking or expecting to find a boyfriend, but Im really happy we met"

 

-She told me some of her friends are asking her "So who's this guy you're going out with and where did you meet him?" we joked about not telling people we met online as its a little geeky.

 

-Then I told her: "Well now that I met someone, Im taking my online profile off, and she said "I have no need for mine either"

 

-Then we had a conversation about some of the dates we have been on with other people before. etc... laughing about them.

 

-Then I told her " I just wanted to clear things up before I go away, I want you to know I wont be fooling around (wanted to let her know I was serious)" she said "You dont seem like the type of guy that would do that and that she's not worried"

 

 

-Then she said "usually I cant spend this much time with someone all at once or speak on the phone for so long, but with you I can"

 

 

Now this may sound stupid to you, but we never actually mentioned the word exclusive, but from what I have provided you with, is this the case. In my opinion, I would say, anyone have thoughts here?

 

Thanks

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I would say there was a lot of beating around the bush in that conversation. How about calling her up and clarifying that you would like to be an official couple. It is not good to make assumptions based on roundabout conversations.

[Justnotsure]

I think it's pretty clear. She referred to you as her boyfriend....I think you're good.

[ToF]

I would say there was a lot of beating around the bush in that conversation. How about calling her up and clarifying that you would like to be an official couple. It is not good to make assumptions based on roundabout conversations.

 

I agree with this. It does sound like you're going in the right direction, but I think you should definitely make sure there is no confusion before you leave for Europe. As crazyaboutdogs said, just clarify that you are an official couple. Because from this conversation, I would not feel certain.

 

Good luck

[sidehop]

Yep I'd clarify if it's official or not although she sounds more than interested as well as showing true feelings towards you.

[soporcogitavi]

Yep I'd clarify if it's official or not although she sounds more than interested as well as showing true feelings towards you.

 

 

How do I do this without pushing the issue to much and coming accross as a weirdo? I dont want her to get fed up of having another conversation like this.

[Justnotsure]

Yeah, this is why I'd leave it. I mean if she truly likes you, she's not going to be freaked out by you clarifying - but, it's so early in the relationship that I would worry about coming accross as being insecure. She said she hadn't expected to meet a boyfriend, she said she was taking her profile down, and she didn't protest when you said you wouldn't be dating anyone else on your trip. It seems she's on the same page, so I'd wait until you come back and just let the relationship build naturally. Are you worried she'll do something while you're away?

 

I'm all about communication, but I think sometimes people overcommunicate.

 

How do I do this without pushing the issue to much and coming accross as a weirdo? I dont want her to get fed up of having another conversation like this.

[winchester3]

Lol be sure to change your facebook status. That will make sure it's official!

[soporcogitavi]

Lol be sure to change your facebook status. That will make sure it's official!

 

Im one of those rare ones, not on facebook

[soporcogitavi]

Yeah, this is why I'd leave it. I mean if she truly likes you, she's not going to be freaked out by you clarifying - but, it's so early in the relationship that I would worry about coming accross as being insecure. She said she hadn't expected to meet a boyfriend, she said she was taking her profile down, and she didn't protest when you said you wouldn't be dating anyone else on your trip. It seems she's on the same page, so I'd wait until you come back and just let the relationship build naturally. Are you worried she'll do something while you're away?

 

I'm all about communication, but I think sometimes people overcommunicate.

 

 

Im not worried about her sdoing something while im away, at least from what I can tell she's not that sort. I just dont want to push it. I was thinking maybe when we go out with a bunch of friends, I can have one of my friends kind of make a comment, along the lines of "so you guys are a couple" or something of the sort.

[Batya33]

For right now I wouldn't worry - but I wouldn't do the hinting things with the friends either - that's also indirect and vague. The next time something comes up that seems inconsistent with being exclusive and not leaving options open, you might revisit it in a direct but non-confrontational way.

 

However, if you're having sex, then I would just say simply "I feel great about the conversation we had -- I'm really enjoying getting to know you and I'm so glad we seem to be on the same page - I say "seem" because it sounds like we both want to make this exclusive - am I right?" It's too risky otherwise, as far as STDs.

[Justnotsure]

Yes, in fact - it's often the physical relationship that prompts the conversation. When things were progressing with my boyfriend, he simply said "if we're going to enter this territory, I don't think we should be seeing other people." I would never do that without that clarification, but it was nice that he beat me to the punch, and let me know that we had the same values. And, it wasn't a drawn out awkward conversation.

 

So, maybe the next time you "get together" before you go - say something along those lines (in a light way).

[Crazyaboutdogs]

No, do not do it via friends. If you are not prepared to ask the direct question...and if she would get turned off by you asking the direct question, then I would have serious reservations about either of you being prepared for a real relationship. Real relationships are about communication...dysfunctional relationships happen because communication is full of riddles and innuendos and assumptions. Solid relationships communicate freely and without fear. If you want this to be official and to have a solid relationship then you need to be able to step up to the plate and communicate your wishes and intentions directly so that there are no guessing games like what is going on now. If she blows you off simply because you want to clarify the situation then that would tell you that she was ambivalent anyway. So clarify and see where you stand..don't speak in riddles and roundabout ways...to get a clear answer you have to ask a clear question.