Mix Maxster Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 Hey all, I was watching an interesting Dr.Phil today, it was about this couple that was married where the husband loved the wife, but the wife wasn't sure if she ever did love him because she did things because she felt she had to. Like getting married and such, she couldn't figure out if it was love or not. And she was like, ya he's a great guy.... and he's like "well that sounds like a half finished sentence... you said he's a great guy.. but???" and she's like "I don't know..." and he's like well I'll tell you what I think and he went on to say that she really has to try and fight hard to make sure she's making the right choice to want out of it because right now she's only staying with him to be nice to him and not feel so guilty about it. Then he was like well say then that you decide that he is not what you are looking for and you give up on a great guy only to realize later on that it wasn't him it was you the whole time. So it was a pretty great program because this is kind of what I was talking about before, kind of like my situation with my ex... her saying she wasn't sure if she loved me anymore and saying she stayed in the relationship because she didn't want to feel guilty or hurt me and yet she says I'm a really great guy with a lot to offer... and so what if SHE DID give up on a great thing hey? because she didn't even make any attempt to work on it, she just jumped into things with the new guy. Oh man how I wished she would have watched todays program lol maybe she could find herself before she ruins this relationship hey? Link to comment
woobiegirl Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 Your right! Dr. Phil is a great show because he tells it like it is...and it can be an eye opener for everyone. Sounded like a perfect show for your ex to watch, maybe you could order a copy of the tape and send it to her good luck, Woobiegirl Link to comment
Mix Maxster Posted June 9, 2004 Author Share Posted June 9, 2004 and just so there's no confusion, i only want to help her out with it.... it comes with not being resentful, enjoying the two years we had together and that I can't just be a jerk and see her go down hill like that completely... she's confused herself as she said that too she said she doesn't want to repeat the same mistake with the new guy she has now and so she just may do that, real reason why i'd want to show her this episode lol. Link to comment
t-dog Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 Hey, I just read your post, and I'm afraid I'm that girl. I married my husband out of impulse in Las Vegas. He's a great guy, sweet, amazing, funny, successful, and really supporting. But! But... I just don't feel right with him. He's 20 years older, I'm not very attracted to him (not UN-attracted to him, though), and I moved to be with him in L.A. where I feel very disconnected and cut off my MY life, MY friends, MY world. But I know he's better than anyone else I could ever meet. But I'm just not happy with him and the more I try to be with him, but more I really just want to leave. In your perspective, as the guy who was left for those reasons, would you rather have someone just stay with you to stay with you? Would you want to stay with someone who's virtues you could enumerate, but you just knew wasn't "what you want?" If I'm just not happy, what's the point? Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 Good point , I wonder who is harhser , Dr.Phil or Judge Judy? Link to comment
Mix Maxster Posted June 9, 2004 Author Share Posted June 9, 2004 Well honestly I would hate living like that, knowing that my wife did things only because she wanted to keep me happy is a nice feeling but I honestly would feel so guilty or hurt. In all honesty, you said he's great guy and that you impulsively married him because for some reason right? I don't think it was just like "OK! I'm free, why not??" so I think there was some attraction, but of course something isn't feeling right about it, do you know what that is??? Because if you can't completely answer that question then perhaps you're not ready to do anything quite yet. ALSO, do not find your reasons and just go on that, you must also figure out what would you be giving up on... if it's worth it.... that sort of stuff. Think about both sides of it, the one where you wonder why it doesn't feel right, etc. and the other side that tells you why it's good what you'd be losing out on. Get it??? I hope that helps. Link to comment
woobiegirl Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 Mix Maxster - You sound like a pretty special guy, too bad some people have to learn the hard way. Resentment is never the answer anyway and I've always believed that good karma comes back eventually. t-dog - I can really relate to your feelings because I did the same when I was 21 and lived a very successful life, but something was missing. Your guy sounds pretty cool though where mine was all the things you mentioned except fun! Fun is so important to me...so after 13 years I ended up leaving it all behind. My friends thought I lost my mind since I had a 200 acre estate and all the trimmings to go with it...but none of it matters if your not happy. I've never regretted my decision even with all the $$$ hurdles I had to get over by myself. fantasia & ang - I definitely prefer Dr. Phil...Judge Judy must find her people that come on the show from the old "Jerry Springer" shows... good luck everone.. Woobiegirl Link to comment
Chandler Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 Reading MixMaster's message was like reading my own story. T-dog, to answer your question as someone who was also left for similar reasons, I must say that loved my ex very much. We never really fought, got along well, and thought we were "the one" for each other. But things changed for her, while I still feel the same. I loved her so much that I would want her to be happy, even if it makes me sad. If she wasn't completely happy, then I wouldn't be happy. So rather both of us be sad, I rather only I was sad. Her happiness was more important to me. I hope she is happy now, even if I still think about her everyday. Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 To Woobiegirl Resentment is never the answer anyway and I've always believed that good karma comes back eventually. Just how true is that what you are saying? When does it if at all, karma happen? And resentment? Maybe I do understand that resentment gets you nowhere.Maybe. As for Chandler I totally agree with your post That is all I can do for now and as it hurts but it does get easier not calling fawning crying over my ex and he had the nerve to say "for the sake of my sanity"! But what can you do? 'Sigh' there is always tomorrow Link to comment
Mix Maxster Posted June 10, 2004 Author Share Posted June 10, 2004 SO chandler, what makes her happy? Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 life is ironic sumtimes. when it comes to love sometimes it takes a strong person to hold on to it, as the weak find it easier to let go & not deal with the problems. but then again...sometimes it takes a strong person to hold on but an even stronger person to let go. i didnt help much did i?? lol sorry...it made sense in my head. -DG724 Link to comment
Mix Maxster Posted June 10, 2004 Author Share Posted June 10, 2004 so it's easier to give up than work hard at something??? that sort of thing? and the strongest ones really let go, when the weak ones fool themselves or something? lol Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 well mix, i said those 2 quotes b/c it works many ways. "when it comes to love sometimes it takes a strong person to hold on to it, as the weak find it easier to let go & not deal with the problems." meaning more along the lines the strong unit in the relationship is willing to work things out & go thru the long haul. while the weak dont want to dedicate so much of themselves to make it work. "but then again...sometimes it takes a strong person to hold on but an even stronger person to let go." meaning when the relationship is TRULY OVER it takes a strong person (strong yet nieve) to try to make it work thruout all the problems, but an even stronger person to know when to give up & go separate ways. following the "Butterfly Rule": you can't keep something u care about under glass, you must let it spreads its wings & fly & if it comes back to you its yours. if not it was never yours to begin with. -DG724 Link to comment
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