What went wrong?

[Santa]

Hey!

Basically I thought this girl liked me via the body language, then after a few months she stopped doing it as much, so I decided to go on a date with her. We went on a date (just got back), and well it was good, but nothing happened...

End of the date, I asked her why she said yes to me asking her out, and she said she wanted to give me a chance, but doesn't see any point in carrying it on (she going to a different country to live in 20 days - I thought I might as well capitalise and make the most of the time left, so as to not regret it). Fair enough I thought, but I was dieing to know what was going on in her mind, so I kept asking her stuff. I asked if she found me attractive, and she replied that I was nice and stuff, but not really. I said after that "did you ever find me attractive?", and again she replied basically saying not enough to fancy me. I then asked her about all the body language and stuff, and why she went on a date with me, and she said in her culture (the country shes going back to) eye contact and flirting and dating etc isn't taking as seriously, and people do it for fun, not usually for relationships. I said "So you played me then?" and she was like "No it wasn't like that, I thought I would date you a few times and see how it goes, then you know...". Then I was basically saying about what she doesn't find about me attractive (ie, my looks, my personality etc) and she wouldn't say.

Thing is though, i'm shocked about this, and don't really no where I went wrong! The only thing I can think of is not holding her hand or cuddling or trying to kiss her etc - I kept my space so to speak, and showed respect - I would of if she made it obvious though. Either this or because she finds me 'cold', and in her culture people arn't like that (again I admit this is true, like I do ignore her some times (dont wanna seem like a stalker or obsessed), and don't go out of my way to say hi, but well everyone is like that from my culture?!). As for looks, well according o others and my own opinion, I was the better looking of us 2...

So basically, why doesn't she fancis me, when most girls in my expeirence in her situation would... I know you can't answer 100%, but plz take a shot.

[Beec]

Maybe you waited too long before you asked. It took you a couple months to ask, and you only did when she stopped giving you good body language. Why did you wait? Stike when the iron is hot.

[Meow18]

Well everyone has their own opinion on who's attractive to them. Just because some people thought you were the better looking doesn't mean everyone will think so. It just has to do with what each person finds to be attractive. She comes from a different culture & they do things differently around there. Thats why she said she was flirting. She just didn't realize that people from our culture will think that person likes us because they were flirting. She must not like the way you act either because you are from a different culture. Maybe she likes the way men are in her culture. I wouldn't say that you did anything wrong, & she didn't do anything wrong, you just aren't what she's looking for. I would say to just not worry what went wrong because I really don't really think a certain thing that you did went wrong, you both just aren't right for each other.

[Santa]

I cant help but think if I perhaps made a move straight from the start instead of treating her like a friend though? I must admit I didn't really like 'worship' her or anything, just kinda let the way, like i walked, she followed etc... not that dramatic but you know, we didnt wlak hand in hand and stuff, cuz I wasn't sure that was what sh ewanted. Perhaps she wanted me to be romantic and stuff, and make a move from the off..

About the striking when the iron is hot - she told me she never liked me back then much - she could be lieing, and it seems like she is if she was from our culture, but I dunno.

[Lily04]

yeah, maybe she liked you before but then the interest sorta faded..it's hard to tell. Don't think about what you should have done though, just move on, I think that's for the best if she's moving to another country anyways..

[xxatti]

yeah, maybe she liked you before but then the interest sorta faded..it's hard to tell. Don't think about what you should have done though, just move on, I think that's for the best if she's moving to another country anyways..

 

That's what I was thinking at 1st. But after finishing reading this, it looks like she agreed to go out with him because she thought there may have been some sort of attraction there. But for whatever reason she just wasnt feeling him once she got to know him on the date.

[Santa]

yeah, maybe she liked you before but then the interest sorta faded..it's hard to tell. Don't think about what you should have done though, just move on, I think that's for the best if she's moving to another country anyways..

 

That's what I was thinking at 1st. But after finishing reading this, it looks like she agreed to go out with him because she thought there may have been some sort of attraction there. But for whatever reason she just wasnt feeling him once she got to know him on the date.

 

Perhaps because I never made any moves or anything? But still, I don't mean to sound like gods gift or anything, but I would of thought she would of found me pysically attractive atleast, otherwise she would of said no, and that would of been enough for a second date, to expand? I mean, the relationship building blocks were there, like getting to know each other, discussing and showing were we live, telling each other everything really.

The next date would of allowed us to be more relaxed and pysical, so for her to cut and run after one date... well I conclude she must of saw nothing between us, and if there was, she didn't want it.

I admit it is possible she isnt into my type (my type being the type that usually does nothing much, and gets attention from girls - girls even asking me out once in a while), and finds my attitude and behaviour not what she wants. Still though, it would of only been a fling before she goes, so I wouldn't of thought my personality mattered much. Well her loss.

 

I'm thinking of asking her friend out, who i liked aswell but have never spoken to (no classes together). Shes going back to her country, but her country is like mine kind of (next to each other), so I doubt culture would be that different or whatever. I always persumed she used to behave in a certain way around me because she was doing it for the other girl, but if the other girl never liked me all along, she would of been doing it for herself, which is great. Trouble is, I have never spoken to her, so i could phone her up, and she may not know me over the phone, and she may think she's second best, or I'm playing them off against each other. She quite a bit more attractive than girl 1 though (perhaps my level), so I dunno. Still though, I have nothing to loose! And getting turned down aint that bad - gives me freedom.

[JonnyG]

ul mate. Perhaps she just didnt find u sexually attractive enough? Nothing wrong with that, not every1 is perfect for every1. Perhaps she thought that u were her guy, but just decided after the date that maybe your not? Or maybe she doesnt want to start up a relationship as she is going to another country, hence decided to end it then by just saying u werent really her type (when secretly u are, but she doesnt want u to both get hurt??)