Please give your opinion

[frackledJJ]

Hi. Eight weeks ago my boyfriend broke up, simply out of the blue. I was quite confused about it, since I had the impression that we were getting closer. When I met his best friend I asked him if they had talked about it, since I didn't want to call my former bf. He told me they had had a talk in November about him breaking up with me and stuff.

 

Now on Thuesday I went to my former bf to tell him I want my stuff back and also so I could get rid of everything I thought of him right to his face. He then told me that what he had in November had been a "two hour flash", which he never thought about again and that he actually was very happy in the relationship , even afterwards.

 

I was very confused by that. I mean, hey, I had thought this guy had been lying to me for at least two months, and now he told me, NO, he didn't play act anything at all, he also had a wonderful New Years celebration and so on and so on, but that he had a dream the night after I left his parents place, in which we had a verbal and physical fight (we never ever fought physically) and afterwards quitted.

 

He said he woke from that dream and decided he had to do something about it. And the next sentence shocked me: He admitted that he grew scared about "Making nails with heads" and "make it something long" and that he fears the commitment.

 

I was shocked. I had by now thought of him as a very mean lier who had claimed to want to built a house with me and stuff, and now he ...???? It doesn't make any sense. I told him in that talk that I don't think he can have a relationship now and he said he doesn't want to have one, but that was before he admitted this. I mean, I am not even sure what to think of him right now. In the beginning of our talk he had told me he actually had just worried about how we would treat each other now, but in the end of our talk he said he had to think about a lot now. I am a bit confused and a little anxious, too.

[sisterlynch]

Sometimes in the heat of passion, we say a lot of things that we don't really mean. Unfortunately some people are too guilt ridden to go back over something and say, No I didn't really mean that, I really felt scared or frustrated or angry and the words just came out wrong.

 

I think the friend may have had more to do with it than either of them are letting on. Friends don't like their friends to be in a happy relationship so they throw a monkey wrench in when ever they can.

 

If you want to keep talking to him do, maybe he has some other problems that he is dealing with and this is just a momentary lack of communication. It is hard to tell, if he was really talking about a house with you, that is normally considered pretty serious talk!

 

 

The thing about nails with heads, reminds me of having children, in an indirect way. Did this guy say I love you? How long were you together before you two started to have trouble?

[frackledJJ]

Actually, we were together for 10 months before he broke up. The only problem is he never learned to talk about his feelings. I have heard that from a lot of his friends, before, while and especially now, after our relationship. And I told him so, on thuesday. He never said "I love you!" but he said he was sorry he couldn't do it, it just was something no one in his family ever did. I saw him today in the cafeteteria, and he just spread in a huge wide smile when he saw me, but since there where two other people around we didn't talk about us.

[sisterlynch]

Sometimes people don't really understand their own feelings and that is why it is hard for some to say I love you, esp if they grew up in an unstable family. They don't know how to love only to use others. I need to tell you that you need to stay away from this guy. He will only hurt you unless he has a very big change of heart. But that may take years and you shouldn't have to wait that long!

[frackledJJ]

You know, I kind of understand that myself. The only real problem is that what I thought we had was not only a big love, but a huge understanding. I have told myself now that I am going to wait until he comes and talks about this with me, but until than I'm gonna grab my friends and have some fun. And maybe he isn't going to be that important to me with time.

[sisterlynch]

I think you have it now. Take a break from him and see what life has to offer. It will be good for you intellectually not to get so caught up in one single person. You grow and learn from all the people and situations inwhich you find yourself. Let yourself go with out so many restrictions to be the best that you can be!