It's not easy being married to the Military

[live.laugh.luv]

As our first deployment approaches us, I have to prepare myself for 8 months alone. I have to ask myself, am I strong enough?

 

One moment, my husband, my companion, my best friend will be here and another moment he will just be gone. Communication will be far and in between.

 

He left yesterday for what the Military likes to call "work ups." Those long grueling months/weeks leading up to an even more grueling 8 months. He'll only be gone for a month but I cried like a little baby. Only because I know what this "work up" means, I know what's to come. It's becoming real. When he returns from his month long work up, he will only be home a few short weeks before he's gone again for another month. After that, he'll be home and again it'll only be a few short weeks before he's really gone.

 

This isn't an easy lifestyle. It's not "normal" to miss months and years outta your spouses life while your SO goes to defend our country. But, I guess it is (well should be) the normal for me and our marriage.

 

Having a sad, somber and uneasy day today.

 

~Military wife

 

 

 

 

[Seraphim]

From one military wife to another I feel for you. My husband has been in the military for 23 years. The last 4 years he has been away most of the time on courses. He has been home about 70 days a year the past four years. In July we move to join him at his new posting, then he leaves for another course in another country, ( true it is only the US) but he wont be coming home for the duration of the course. I hear you and know it is hard. Our men are a particular "breed". It is lonely for them and us and our kids. I am here for support if you need it.

[FathomFear]

As our first deployment approaches us, I have to prepare myself for 8 months alone. I have to ask myself, am I strong enough?

 

I'm sure you are. It might take some adjusting but you'll adapt. We should all have the ability to be self-sufficient. It's an important skill!

[Lamprey]

I agree, it sounds like a tough life. You did, of course, know what you were getting into when you married someone in the military, but I'm sure that still doesn't make it easier to make it through these stretches of time. At least it's not interminable, you know when his posting will end - the one bright side!

[Seraphim]

I agree, it sounds like a tough life. You did, of course, know what you were getting into when you married someone in the military, but I'm sure that still doesn't make it easier to make it through these stretches of time. At least it's not interminable, you know when his posting will end - the one bright side!

 

 

It is one thing to know you married someone in the military and sorta understand the issues, but then have to live the reality. MUCH harder than you ever thought.

[OntheWire]

Being away from someone you love for long periods of time is a good thing. The hardship stimulates growth if you allow it. You can have a richer and more fulfilling relationship than any couple who is always together. But it all depends on how you handle your thoughts. Don't let bitterness or resentment get a foothold. Just try to concentrate on your hobbies and passions while your husband is away.

[Seraphim]

Do you have a family resource centre on the base? They have a lot of support for families there.

[sidehop]

Definitely, keep busy with other military wives, find new hobbies and keep in touch with him the best way possible. My father was in the Navy for 21 years so it was hard and I'm sure it was much harder for my mom.

[live.laugh.luv]

I am finding it somewhat hard to be positive right because I have a "so called friend" whose husband just got back from deployment and well, lets just say her marriage is a wreck. She cheated on him, got an STD, got pregant and had an abortion.

 

Now, that it's my turn to go through a deployment it's almost as she WANTS my marriage to fail like hers did. She was talking to me the other day saying how scared she is for. When I started to talk positive about the deployment she just rolled her eyes at me like I was crazy and had no clue. That sort of thing just doesn't help me right now. Then she emails me saying she googled divorce statistics, and that out of any Military branch our branch has the highest. WHO DOES THAT?!

 

How can you call yourself a "friend?" She wants my marriage to fail. She wants him to screw up or for me to screw up.

 

This deployment is going to be what I and my husband make it. I am me. She is her. My husband isn't her husband and she knows NOTHING about my marriage. NOT ALL Military marriages fail and IF for any reason my husband and I were to EVER divorce it would be because WE decide to not because he deployed..

 

Ughhh sorry

[OntheWire]

I'd highly recommend removing toxic people like that from your life permanently. When you have a trial ahead, you need positive people. Remember, you're not just weeding them out for you, but for your marriage and family.

[live.laugh.luv]

I'd highly recommend removing toxic people like that from your life permanently. When you have a trial ahead, you need positive people. Remember, you're not just weeding them out for you, but for your marriage and family.

 

I agree, you are completely right. What's the saying? "Misery Loves Company?" Because she was weak, means I will be weak? I don't think so!

[Seraphim]

She is NO friend. Ditch her backside and FAST!

[sidehop]

OntheWire and Vic is right, she's not a friend, she's just a toxic figure in your life. Yes, the divorce rate has been high because there's so much stress on both sides.

 

Your 'friend' is the one who was weak and could not handle her emotions or didn't find her marriage anything important. But to take that and show disrespect towards your marriage is something I'd be furious about.

[live.laugh.luv]

OntheWire and Vic is right, she's not a friend, she's just a toxic figure in your life. Yes, the divorce rate has been high because there's so much stress on both sides.

 

Your 'friend' is the one who was weak and could not handle her emotions or didn't find her marriage anything important. But to take that and show disrespect towards your marriage is something I'd be furious about.

 

It is very stressful, yes. But that doesn't mean it's doomed. It'll be what we make it. I gotta be strong for my husband and my husband needs to know that things are ok at home, that I am okay.

 

I don't want to add any more stress to his already stressful situation. I wanna be that light at the end of a long day. I don't want to be that dreadful phone call.

 

I especially do not need to be surrounding myself around such negativity.

[Seraphim]

Your marriage is NOT doomed if you do not want it to be. NEVER surround yourself with negativity. She is NOT a friend to you if she is preaching the demise of your relationship. Get rid of her, there are many positive military wives.Do you have a family resource centre? Canadian bases do and I am sure you do too. They provide many many supports to families. I am here too. There are a few military wives on here, but not many. I think Tiny Dancer is MIA right now because she just had a new baby.

[anggrace]

Be careful with who you choose to spend your time with. Stay away from the women who aren't commited to their husbands and who care only about gossip and drama. You and your husband don't need that in your life! I saw a lot of that going on around me and I stayed out of it, as hard as they tried to pull me in. You need encouragement and strength while he is gone and you won't get that from them. Now is the time to meet new people who share your values. Bets of luck. I know it's hard. In the end it WILL make you stronger if you stand by your man and take care of yourself.

[live.laugh.luv]

Be careful with who you choose to spend your time with. Stay away from the women who aren't commited to their husbands and who care only about gossip and drama. You and your husband don't need that in your life! I saw a lot of that going on around me and I stayed out of it, as hard as they tried to pull me in. You need encouragement and strength while he is gone and you won't get that from them. Now is the time to meet new people who share your values. Bets of luck. I know it's hard. In the end it WILL make you stronger if you stand by your man and take care of yourself.

 

I am going to steer clear of her. My husband even asked me to. He said he doesn't want that negativity surrounded me or our marriage while he is gone. I don't either.

 

I will most defintely stand by my hubby, and I believe when all is said and done and he's home we will only be stronger from this.

[sidehop]

My mom was never involved with any military wives group, she kept herself busy with her close friends and hobbies. That was about it. She hated all the drama too so it never appealed to her.

[live.laugh.luv]

My mom was never involved with any military wives group, she kept herself busy with her close friends and hobbies. That was about it. She hated all the drama too so it never appealed to her.

 

Yeah, I definitely keep my distance and I believe it has done me very good. My husband appreciates it too. My one close friend, is a military wife whom I met at work. I got close to her because she is a very sweet, genuine person who loves her husband. She is keeping me sane right now and I love her dearly for that.

 

She has been through several deployments with her husband. So she knows what it's like and she is a very positive influence for me.

[live.laugh.luv]

I got an email from the hubbie yesterday. It was sent to my work email, so it was just what I needed at work. It was short and sweet, but just what I needed Perfect.

[Seraphim]

I got an email from the hubbie yesterday. It was sent to my work email, so it was just what I needed at work. It was short and sweet, but just what I needed Perfect.

 

Awwwwwww that is awesome! I talk to my husband once a day right now.