low sex drive...

[-Sanguine-]

so, for a few months now my boyfriend has had quite a low sex drive.. by the way, he is almost 24

he's concerned about it and is thinking of going to the doctor.

the last two nights in a row, I've initiated and have gotten turned down both times.. which makes him feel bad.

 

he drinks quite a bit. do you think that has anything to do with it?

also, how should I respond when he turns me down so that I don't make him feel guilty or stupid.. I mean, I accept it and it's not his fault and I'm not being mean.. but do I say "it's okay"

I just don't want to make him feel stupid or not "manly"

[KG]

It could be one of many issues, the drinking. Going to the Dr. is a good start.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Is he your age? He should not be having a low sex drive at his age. You say he drinks...does he smoke or eat unhealthily? These habits can destroy sex drive. I agree that he should visit the doctor.

 

Just don't pout or nag when it comes to sex. I don't think you should have to build up his confidence when he turns you down. That's his problem if he feels bad about himself for rejecting sex with you.

[-Sanguine-]

Is he your age? He should not be having a low sex drive at his age. You say he drinks...does he smoke or eat unhealthily? These habits can destroy sex drive. I agree that he should visit the doctor.

 

Just don't pout or nag when it comes to sex. I don't think you should have to build up his confidence when he turns you down. That's his problem if he feels bad about himself for rejecting sex with you.

 

 

He's almost 24.

He eats alright, could be better though.

He doesn't really make it known that he feels bad, but I can't imagine that he feels great about it. I just don't want to make him feel guilty or stupid.

[Cognitive_Canine]

He's almost 24.

He eats alright, could be better though.

He doesn't really make it known that he feels bad, but I can't imagine that he feels great about it. I just don't want to make him feel guilty or stupid.

 

Does he give reasons for not being in the mood? =/

 

I hope you don't feel bad about this. I don't take rejection lightly and I know it hurts me.

[karvala]

being mean.. but do I say "it's okay"

 

Yes, certainly; you need to be fully accepting of it at the time, even if in between propositions you want to both work towards increasing the frequency. "No" should always be an acceptable answer to a sexual advance, no matter who makes it, and you should always endeavour not to increase the stress of the situation. As you've already said, I'm sure he feels quite bad enough already.

 

Drinking excessively is one cause of a loss of libido, but it has to be *really* excessively. Just getting drunk won't do it; in fact that tends to have the opposite effect for most men (increased desire, decreased performance).

 

You might want to have a gentle but frank discussion about it with him, to see what's really going on here. Has he had any previous sexual relationships that you know of, and if he has, did he have a low sex drive during those as well? Some people do just have a lower libido, and that's something you have to accept about them. If this is a temporary or new things for him, and especially if he's around your age when his libido would naturally be a lot higher than average, then it might be an idea to explore potential psychological issues that are contributing here, as they are the most common cause. Is he really comfortable with his own sexuality, with his sexual performance, with his sexual desires? Things to think about.

[-Sanguine-]

He drinks alot. Well, not every day. but he will drink on the weekends and he just went on a two week vacation where he got hammered pretty much every day straight..

 

It also seems that whenever he drinks, he can't perform. He wants to, but he can't.

 

I wouldn't say he is uncomfortable with his performance or desires. He actually said to me he felt "gay" because I wanted to do it and he couldn't.

I've always had a higher drive than him, but it's decreased more recently. Usually he'd only reject me when he's drunk and now it's when he's sober.. which does hurt me. I asked him if it was something i was doing and he said of course not so I hope he's telling the truth..

 

I try not to let it show that I'm hurt, but it does hurt me. It's understandable though, I won't make him feel bad about it.

[-Sanguine-]

Does he give reasons for not being in the mood? =/

 

I hope you don't feel bad about this. I don't take rejection lightly and I know it hurts me.

 

I asked him last night if he wanted to and he said not really. Then he said his drive is really low and it "scares him". So I just left it at that. He's not that open about most emotional things. Not his style.

 

I do feel bad.. I hate the rejection, but I won't show it.

[Cognitive_Canine]

So is it that he can't get it up even though he is aroused? Or that he doesn't get aroused?

[-Sanguine-]

So is it that he can't get it up even though he is aroused? Or that he doesn't get aroused?

 

 

I'm not really sure..

[simply]

I'm not really sure..

 

 

Wow, I feel for your boyfriend, the same thing just happened to me with this girl i've been seeing recently. I just posted a thread on it.

 

But the best thing for you to do, is keep from pressuring him in any way, my girl constantly breaks balls about it and it's really making me feel worse. Make sure he goes to his doctor, i'm going monday for sure, this is crazy.

 

I can also tell you it has nothing to do with the alcohol, from what I read, it could be stress, lack of testosterone or psychological.