Shes never talked about friends, is it cause she wants more?

[detox5]

ok we split etc cause she wanted space plus her exams pulled her down etc. After her exams were over she finally contacts me online after she did the NC to me for like 2 months or so. Im wondering, ive told her how much ive liked her and i have bugged alot, I have NEVER once asked her to come back or try again with me, all i have done is express my feelings for her. Its not as if we DONT get on because we absolutely do and were great friends before hand. anyways, we speak for a week after her NC period, and i have to throw it all away by being drunk 1 nite and sending her a text saying I really like you, im sorry i bug you I just have an aweful lot of feelings for you. I havent heard anything since, but im just wondering, will woman risk not hurting you by not telling you the truth about how they feel. I mean is she holding that back because she cares about me? all the times ive said I like her and miss her shes ignored it and just gone offline etc, but wouldnt it be easier on her if she just said look I only like you as a friend now. Im just finding it hard, cause 1 minute I say ok ill leave you alone now, I just care about u alot, then next thing I will message her like a week later saying hello again. im applying the NC and giving it ago, just wondered if anyone had any views to why she wont say anything at all? Take in the fact shes really not expressive. Shall I just wait it out and wait for her to come back to me, seen as I left her to her NC and she did in the end message me, so it was clearly her exams.

[raider5]

NC works great in your situation. The reason she keeps getting offline when you say these things to her is because it's annoying her. It sounds like she's heard it alot. Here are the levels

 

1)She doesn't want anything to do with you. If you initiate NC then she probably won't ever talk to you again.

 

2)She really only cares for you as 'just a friend'. I believe that this RARELY happens immediately after the breakup. If one loves you can't be friends, and if someone once loved it's hard to be friends. But if she really ONLY wants to be friend with you when she does contact you she'll probably make that clear. I know your thinking that she's worried about hurting your feelings. But after enough no contact she'll think you've moved on or can take another stab in the heart. She'll call you up and say, "Listen the reason I'm calling is because I hope we can be friends." (But note that this is a necessary condition not a sufficient one.) If she says this she may not have 'just friends' feelings, but she HAS TO say this to be a 'just friend.' After enough time a "just friend" will be honest with you. I had a friend do this to me when I was falling for her. She tried not to hurt my feelings but she always erred on the side of being too honest. I asked her if there was any chance and she said made some comment about not knowing the future and then said "but probably not."

 

3)There's something more than just friendship there. If this is the case she probably won't ever give the "I think we should just be friends" talk. She will think about you sometimes (maybe often) and wonder why you're not calling her. She will think you are playing games, she will keep analyzing the situation. She may try and match your game by not calling you at all (so it's hard to differentiate between #1 if this happens) and see if you break down. Its hard for people who have feelings to call the other person up because they have to go back on all the things they've said and sometimes they hate giving up all that power.

 

I would venture to say that ALMOST ALL THE TIME when an ex calls it's because you're more than a friend. Now that might not be enough to start a relationship, but know that

 

Friendship can end in love, but love in friendship? Never

 

Unless you were friends in the first place, you'll never really be 'just friends.' Think about the friends you have. I don't know about you but I can go without calling them for months and we both know that we're still friends. If your ex has more than 'just friends' feelings they will feel compelled to contact you. Now again, that doesn't mean that you'll get a second chance, but you should know that she PROBABLY will never view you as 'just a friend'. If she tells herself this it's because she has conflicting emotions about how she feels about you and how she doesn't feel like dating you.

 

I would just put yourself in her shoes. Have you ever had someone have feelings for you that you didn't have feelings for in the same way. I have and I was probably too brutal. Take that mentality think how she would react to your NC. Now have you ever broken up with someone and tried to be JUST FRIENDS. I haven't, and most haven't because once you've had that bond it's REALLY hard to jump so quickly to 'just friends'.

 

Good luck.

[JohnOO8]

Lemme tell you something about "NC" otherwise known as no contact. NC can be used very well on most women, however it is not a good thing when used against us. Just the fact remains, if you care about the one u love enough you must remember that you can't taunt a dog with a bone forever

[bostonchiiiiica]

Hey John...can you elaborate on what you mean by this a little more please?

 

"Lemme tell you something about "NC" otherwise known as no contact. NC can be used very well on most women, however it is not a good thing when used against us. Just the fact remains, if you care about the one u love enough you must remember that you can't taunt a dog with a bone forever"

 

Thanks!