I said I Love you. and he didnt.

[anacoolface]

me and my boyfriend of 7 months see each other everyday sleep together every night and are moving in together this summer. We were just siting there one day talking and he said you know i love yo.. oops.. just kidding.

 

I figured he loved me, and was hoping he would say it soon. so i got really happy inside but didnt push it.

 

so last night i asked if he meant what he said the other night and how i think it would be good to get it out before we lived together. He didnt know what i was talking about and made me tell him. And i said I love you. and he just huged me and i kind of looked at him, and he said "your not mad i didnt say it back, are you?" and i kind of looked crushed, because i was. He said he just didnt feel it yet and didnt want to lie.

 

I told him i didnt know if we should live together if we dont both feel that way, not meaning to push him. i dont want him to say it now just because i want him to. uhh im just soo sad.

 

how do i handle this, without it being on my mind all the time. Im so sad.

[Speranza]

What do his ACTIONS say? Before this, were you happy to be moving in with him? When did it become the necessary step (hearing 'I love you') before moving in?

[fLuiD]

I don't have much advice because I have no experience in this and I don't know how I would handle the situation. But I will tell you one small thing. Don't let something like this completely ruin what you two have together. Obviously he likes you enough to be with you and dedicate his time to you. I can imagine it is tough, but I think you should try and avoid pressing him into saying it. Also, don't hold it against him because he didn't say it back.

[HeartGoesOn]

I wouldn't even think of moving in with him, nor would I be sleeping with him if he answered that questions with "I just don't feel it yet."

[sophie274]

Hmm, this feels like a bit of a sticky situation to me.

 

On the one hand, I would not move in with someone who didn't love me or wasn't in love with me yet, because to me it would signal that he was not very serious about the relationship yet, and I would not want to move in under those circumstances. For me, moving in would happen when we love each other and are committed, and are serious about planning a future together - and I don't think you can be envisioning a future with someone if you do not love them yet.

 

On the other hand, you've already agreed to move in with him, and bringing up that you don't think you're ready to move in after this whole incident will seem like you are punishing him for it. He may be tempted to say it event though he doesn't feel it to smooth the whole thing over.

 

How far along are you in planning the move? I would give him a little time to sit on the I love you, see if he decides he does feel that he is in love with you, and if he does not feel that way by the time you revisit the move, I would say that you don't feel ready to move in yet, actually, that you want to give the relationship time to mature - and hopefully you can get a month to month lease so that you can move in when the time is right.

[shessofly]

i agree with sophie.

[anacoolface]

His actions say that he wants to be with me all the time and enjoys my company and kisses. He said he thinks we both feel the same way about each other i just take the word love a little more lightly then he dose.

 

I just wish i could move on and stop dwelling on it. Live with him knowing that he wants to be with me. and hes not sure what love is to him.

 

but it hurts that i love him and said it, now he knows and i feel stupid. and confused.

[shessofly]

had you not thought about this before planning to move in with him? it seems its only become an issue because you said it and he didn't say it back, which i know really hurts. maybe you could sit down and talk to him about it and ask him if he can see himself ever feeling loving feelings for you and go from there. i think sometimes people know, honestly at 7 months and all this talk of moving in together one would think he would have a clue at this point where he thinks this is going. does he have a history of taking a long time to fall in love?

[shessofly]

love is love. you shouldn't feel stupid for loving him. my bf said he loved me almost 2 months before i could say it back. he knew that i wasn't ready to say it, but he was very patient with me, although frustrated. he never forced me to come to that conclusion. don't feel stupid for expressing your love. i think it's very brave and admirable.

[greywolf]

but it hurts that i love him and said it, now he knows and i feel stupid. and confused.

 

There's nothing wrong with telling people you love them. In fact, it's a nice thing. When we feel stupid for telling someone we love them it's because we're thinking with our ego, which is quite the opposite of love. So don't beat yourself up about it.