Guys (my crush actually) talking about pretty girls in front of me

[chelsea13]

I feel so ashamed for posting this

 

A couple of weeks ago I made up my mind that I won't care so much about looks and guys anymore (after realising that I've been wasting my time all my life, being extreme self-conscious about my looks and wanting guys), and for those few weeks I felt refreshed - like why did I care so much? I'm wasting time etc. I felt like I didn't care so much. This will be the last time that I'm going to post something about looks and sh!t (yes it's total sh!t) because after today I promise I will not let it get me down.

 

BUT.. here's the but...

 

The thing was I was having dinner with friends and my crush was one of them.. and he started talking about how amazing Korean girls are and how pretty they are, and he even listed these names out (I'm Asian by the way, not Korean) of pretty Korean girls in campus. And then I just felt so bad after hearing it. I'm not jealous of those girls, I don't think I'm not pretty... but just him saying it... in front of me. Girls, do you hate it when guys talk about other hot girls in front of you? It really makes me uncomfortable.

 

And it made me sure that he's 100% not into me by saying that. He had indirectly said that I'm pretty before, but I don't know if he was joking.. maybe he was, who knows.

 

I hate myself for going on facebook right after getting home and checking out those girls he mentioned.. and I felt relieved when I thought they were just very average.

 

But really... guys, would you talk about other pretty girls infront of another pretty girl? For several times I've been told that I'm pretty but these guys ended up discussing other girls in front of me.. very annoying.

 

I still feel really dumb... this way I will never be happy. I promise that after today I will stop caring.

[aesop921]

Maybe he was trying to make you jealous...

[chelsea13]

Maybe he was trying to make you jealous...

 

No more maybes, he's not into me - I'm sure of it, and I'm fine with it.. I respect that.

 

But I still feel bad when he talks about how good other girls look infront of me

[aesop921]

Alright, the only reason I say that is because the only reason I would ever say anything about a girl being attractive in front of another girl is to make her jealous (even though i guess guys aren't "supposed" to do that). But I guess that's just me.

[fLuiD]

There is a proper way to have this conversation, although it sounds like an oxymoron. I used to have conversations about other attractive women with my ex and she would tell me about other attractive men. It was weird at first but I guess after being together for so long and knowing that at the end of the day we come home to each other, it made the conversation very open.

 

This doesn't mean he thinks you aren't pretty. It oculd be that he isn't interested in you though. I say you pick up some ovarian fortitude, and be straightforward. Ask him if he likes you or not. And if he doesm I say you tell him you like him too. If he says no, then just smile and walk away.

[Creative]

You've become one of the friend, or part of the 'gang'. I heard Korean girls have weird shaped body. So there you go, your revenge.

 

It's great you've been called pretty because those who are not, never hears it from guys... Every girls hears it from 40 year old ladies when they were 7 years old. But coming from guys at age 20, yes. You are pretty to some of them.

 

In terms of looks, at least you've got a 'head start'. I wouldn't complain too much if I were in your shoes.

 

Just accept the reality and get a new crush.

[chelsea13]

You are right I've become part of the gang... Recently I don't care so much about looks that much, I used to wish I look a little different but I like the way I look now... I just feel so uncomfortable and annoyed when guys talk about how hot other girls are in front of me. Especially when he's my crush.

Now I know nothing will come out of me and him and frankly I don't really expect or care anymore.. it's just him saying about these girls... ergh.

[Creative]

I see. You just want to vent. I personally don't get annoyed but I find guys who talk excessively about pretty girls lacked class because it tells me they're content with just that...... and the fact that they're panting and have this perverted smile while saying that. Too often I hear guys use phrases like "Da_n she's hot man", so I usually just roll my eyes if they're being one of those 'guys'. I'm okay with guys who are seriously interested in the girl they're talking about and are actually trying to figure out how to 'get' her. There's something different about that seriousness that I just respect more.

[chelsea13]

I don't think it was excessive and guys will be guys, and we all like pretty things. even i talk about hot guys sometimes and to be honest the main reason why i had a crush on this guy was cos he's really good looking.. which is also why i dont expect anything to come out of this because a crush is just a crush and obviously he's not interested.

it was really annoying though cos he was like ohh they're so pretty, so good looking, and then he even listed the names - that was the annoying part.

[Creative]

Was still editing when you responded, so check again.

 

That's just a part of life. Anyways I hope you'll find someone and forget about this good looking guy.

[chelsea13]

Why do guys do this though? Talk about other pretty girls infront of the obvious presence of other girls..

[guynextdoor]

I'll answer that question for you.. If she's a friend I have no problem talking about other women in front of her and vice versa.

[Creative]

yeah

 

We never consider girls we hang around with would be uncomfortable when we talk about other girls. So guys behave like their usual selves. They are being who they are when around friends. You're not in such a bad position to be in to be quite honest.

 

Seems like an odd question. So does that mean girls wouldn't talk about 'hot guys' to guy friends because they feel the guy would be uncomfortable about it?

[nimisaj]

It's kind of shallow of him to be talking about stuff like that. It depends on the context and the friendship and so forth... but I mean, listing girls and their names or whatever... lol... seems immature. Everyone has their moments, I guess. This guy seems like he has some growing up to do, that's all.

 

It could also be an indication he's a skirt chaser. Who knows. Or he could have been joking around. If I were you, I would have jokingly told him he hasn't got a chance with any of them, and then kissed him on the cheek in a flippant sort of way. Maybe that's a sign that I'm a little immature, myself?

[xyzzzz]

I have some guy friends who do that.Im fine with it.If the girls are really beautiul then I have nothing to say.If they are actually average then I'll mock his taste lol but Im just fine with it. If he is my bf..meh I'll tell him "I dont see the point u telling me other girls are beautiful" He'd better stop this cuz this is annoying.But I wont flip.I guess I know Im always his hottest.That's enough lol

[chelsea13]

It's super annoying, guys always do this, it's like, 'why are you telling me this?? what do u want me to say for gods sake?'

[xyzzzz]

Normally guys wont say this when he's alone with a girl.No point bring it up right? But when ur hanging with all the other ppl,a mixed group of guys and girls,they sometimes discuss this,and treat u no different as all his other buddies.That's normal.No big deal.Why would u be this uncomfortable and concerned? That's really unnecessary.

[xyzzzz]

 

Seems like an odd question. So does that mean girls wouldn't talk about 'hot guys' to guy friends because they feel the guy would be uncomfortable about it?

I would,tho hardly,and only if he's just a friend. I wouldnt say other guys are hot in front of my crush or my bf

 

It's kind of shallow of him to be talking about stuff like that.

I wont necessarily think he;s shallow unless he talks about it excessively.Me and my girl friends always rate boys too lol what's the problem?

[bruinsy81]

To evaluate his interest entirely on that incident is not very wise.He could have been trying to make you jealous...You are throwing in the towel far too quickly.Act friendly towards him,give him some encouragement.Don't put all the onus on him and see what happens.

[Jpo]

I dated a Korean, Chinese, and Filipino girls and each of them were hot. I've also dated, black, white, and Hispanic women who were hot as well. I wouldn't worry that he thinks Korean girls are hot, he might also think that whatever ethnicity you are is hot as well.

[chelsea13]

I dated a Korean, Chinese, and Filipino girls and each of them were hot. I've also dated, black, white, and Hispanic women who were hot as well. I wouldn't worry that he thinks Korean girls are hot, he might also think that whatever ethnicity you are is hot as well.

 

I don't care about Korean girls being hot specifically, it's the manner of how he said it... lol maybe it's cos he's my crush so it felt bad hearing him commenting on other girls being pretty. But I know this is silly... I'm moving on.

[Capricorn3]

I see it differently. He's not your boyfriend and therefore can say or comment on anything he wants to, just as he would when he's with any of his other friends. If you two were dating and an exclusive couple, then I'd say he owes you a certain amount of respect. Just because he's your crush doesn't mean he has to suddenly keep his mouth shut and not comment on other women, etc. Besides, does he even know you're crushing on him? (Not that it makes any difference, lol).

[pinkelephant]

I see it differently. He's not your boyfriend and therefore can say or comment on anything he wants to, just as he would when he's with any of his other friends. If you two were dating and an exclusive couple, then I'd say he owes you a certain amount of respect. Just because he's your crush doesn't mean he has to suddenly keep his mouth shut and not comment on other women, etc. Besides, does he even know you're crushing on him? (Not that it makes any difference, lol).

 

I don't think it's about "owing" her any respect. It's just an indication that he's not into her, sees her as one of the guys, and that bums her out.