MinziGirl Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 2 days ago, my boyfriend & me had a talk about having a baby. When i asked him the question, his answer was: Which would you prefer, a boy or a girl? Sometimes, i don't understand guys... does it mean he wants to have a baby? We even talked about the responsibilities & how many kids i would like to have... It was not a plain no for an answer. What do you guys think about it? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I think being "unsure about having children" still goes in the "they don't want kids" category. Because if you assume that unsure means they do, then you're risking a lot. The idea may be growing on him. But, if he's giving you missed signals, I'd still say he doesn't want them. Link to comment
Is Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I think being "unsure about having children" still goes in the "they don't want kids" category. Because if you assume that unsure means they do, then you're risking a lot. The idea may be growing on him. But, if he's giving you missed signals, I'd still say he doesn't want them. My exact thoughts. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 he told me specifically: He loves kids & would like to have to have them... i think he needs time to come clear with the idea. AS long as he wants kids, i can wait... because i do want 1 child.. If he doesn't want kids, then why talk about it so specifically as if he wanted it? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 he told me specifically: He loves kids & would like to have to have them... i think he needs time to come clear with the idea. AS long as he wants kids, i can wait... because i do want 1 child.. If he doesn't want kids, then why talk about it so specifically as if he wanted it? Your post sounded like you believed him to not want children. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 That wasn't a real answer on his part so I don't think you can assume anything. Remember, assuming makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me". Especially when it comes to kids...you want both of you to be on the same page. I'd wait a few days and while you're both relaxed, I'd ask again. Don't be tense and make sure there is no tension/pressure/stress on him. Just relax and tell him that you're totally understanding of whatever his thoughts are - if he wants to wait, then wait. But you'd like to know if you guys are on the same page, that's all. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 Your post sounded like you believed him to not want children. I have seen how men try to lie to get out of this phrase with a girl who wants kids... In fact, they become paranoid when the girl even try to talk about it. He was like this about 2 months ago... but since 2 nights ago, i think things has became more positive. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I have seen how men try to lie to get out of this phrase with a girl who wants kids... In fact, they become paranoid when the girl even try to talk about it. He was like this about 2 months ago... but since 2 nights ago, i think things has became more positive. Did he ever tell you he didn't want kids? How old are both of you? I think you should just ask him. Tell him it's a long way off but you just want to know if you both have the same feelings about kids. Link to comment
HouseKitten Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I'm confused. He told you he loves and wants children. So you're afraid he doesn't want kids? The thing he said about 'would you want a boy or a girl?'... okay, it wasn't a direct answer to the question that time, but it sounds like you've already asked him about this before? Perhaps he didn't realise you were going to read so much into it and was busy following his own train of thought on the subject. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 Did he ever tell you he didn't want kids? How old are both of you? I think you should just ask him. Tell him it's a long way off but you just want to know if you both have the same feelings about kids. I am 39 & he is 42. I did ask him... it was only yesterday night that he became more positive about it. You see, During this easter season, His mother came to visit us in my house & i cooked for her. I was a little nervous about it. At the end of the day, his mom told him privately that she really enjoyed herself & my cooking was good. Since then, i have been receiving very nice sms and emails with a lot of love in it. I'm still wondering if it was because now he has mama's blessings as mama said i was a good & special girl? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Here's the thing. When it comes to something as serious as having a baby, I would hope that you wouldn't need to guess at what he is thinking or feeling on the subject - if you are wondering, just ask him as simply and directly as you can. When my now husband and I decided to start trying, we had discussed many times and for a long time (we had been dating for a few years at that point) that we clearly wanted to be parents in the not too distant future, and that we wanted to get married in the not too distant future - and we had had very detailed and sometimes difficult conversations about issues concerning fertility and parenting. When I decided that I wanted us to start trying to conceive, I just said it directly to him, he asked if I saw us getting married, I said absolutely, and we started trying that day. We were 40 at the time. I wouldn't have been satisfied, especially at my age, with having to guess at what he meant when it came to plans and desire to have children in the future. And now that we're parents, I see even more how essential it is that we both be 110% enthusiastic about and on board with the joys and responsibilities of parenting. THat's just my personal experience of course, might be totally irrelevant to you. I'll add that parents typically loved me and wanted their sons to marry me. Meant very little as far as what the guy felt/thought because I dated men who were independent adults - they liked that their parents liked me and were enthusiastic, but it didn't sway them if they had decided I wasn't the one for them for whatever reason. Link to comment
FathomFear Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Regardless of how you interpret it, the discussion took place two years ago. That's a long time. You'll have to speak with him again to understand his current state of mind. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I am 39 & he is 42. If I were you I would talk about it again, very clearly, and seek out a yes or no answer. Would you like to have a baby with me? (yes or no) If yes, then when? There should be a known time when you start actually trying. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 If I were you I would talk about it again, very clearly, and seek out a yes or no answer. Would you like to have a baby with me? (yes or no) If yes, then when? There should be a known time when you start actually trying. Yeah... if it will not freak him out, i will do it that way. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 Regardless of how you interpret it, the discussion took place two years ago. That's a long time. You'll have to speak with him again to understand his current state of mind. 2 years before, i didn't discuss the subject about baby as the relationship was too new. I only started to talk to him at the beginning of this year. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 Yeah... if it will not freak him out, i will do it that way. If he freaks out- it may be a sign that he does not truly want children. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 If he freaks out- it may be a sign that he does not truly want children. Yes, I agree. If he freaks out, you have your answer. Better to get dumped now and save you the trouble of dancing around this guy and finding out years later he never wanted kids. If he wants kids, all nerves are calmed. No issue. Link to comment
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