Friendship deal breakers?

[Fionnuala]

I am trying to decide if I am overreacting about some fundamental disagreements my best friend and I have, or if these are dealbreakers for me. She and I are very close and agree on a lot of really important things. We have similar views on relationships, spirituality, religion, life, etc. But recently the places we differ have really started to bother me.

 

For example, she and her family (aside from her brother, who is independent) are super ultra politically conservative. I am not. I am a liberally leaning moderate. I disagree with them on most things political, which is not that big of a deal to me, but it does bother me when they are bashing Obama and liberals in front of me. They know I don't agree with them, and I am generally not a fan of people bashing those who disagree with them, regardless of their views. I mostly keep my mouth shut and just don't talk to her or her family about politics, but sometimes I wonder if I should speak up and ask them not to make those types of comments around me. This has not been a deal breaker for me, but I wonder if it might be if they are unable to be more respectful.

 

More disturbingly to me, last night her brother made a comment that he thinks the Catholic church is the largest cult in the world. Now, I am not Catholic, but I come from a long line of Irish Catholics and I have great respect for the Catholic Church. I have also spent a lot of time going to Mass, and while I was raised in pentecostal churches, at this point in my life, I find Catholic Mass far more spiritually fulfilling than most protestant churches. This comment really, really bothered me, to the point where I'm wondering if I should remain friends with her and her family. I didn't say anything at the time, because their mom was in town and we were having Easter dinner and I didn't want to cause problems, but that attitude is not okay with me. Should I talk to her about it, or just let it go? Is it dumb for me to consider ending a friendship over this?

[Keyman]

Hey Fi,

 

Everyone has a right to express their opinions including you. If your opinion is that some of the things your friends say are offensive to you, then I would suggest talking about it to them. talk to your friend and tell her that you felt offending by her brother's comments and why, and maybe ask if he could be a little more considerate around you. If they then continue in the same manner, then that may be cause to distance yourself from them. I am sure they are not meaning to offend you with their comments, but if they continue after knowing that they are, then that is disrespectful.

 

I do think this is a classic example of why these two subjects should not be aired publicly, as there are so many differing views on them, after all, these two areas have been the reason for the majority of the wars in the world.

 

Again, everyone is free to express their opinions, but they should do it with respect to the people around them.

[catfeeder]

No need to ditch a friend because her family is offensive. Just stop hanging around with her family. Meet her for lunch or something, instead.

[Fionnuala]

No need to ditch a friend because her family is offensive. Just stop hanging around with her family. Meet her for lunch or something, instead.

 

That's not really an option. She and her family are kind of a package deal, and they are basically like my second family as well. Also, if it were just the family making these types of comments it wouldn't bother me, but she does it as well.

 

And it's more the attitude behind the comments than the comments themselves that bother me. I'm fine with people disagreeing, but I am not okay with attitudes that are blatantly disrespectful to others, especially when I feel they are based in ignorance.

 

Keyman, you are right, though, it wouldn't make sense to just end a friendship without at least making my voice heard more and giving them all the opportunity to be more sensitive. I'm just really bad with confrontation, and I've found it easier to just keep my mouth shut up until this point. But I'm not sure I can anymore, it'll just keep infuriating me more and more.