How to walk away?

[tattoobunnie]

I've been a pseudo relationship with my ex since we broke up 7 months ago.

 

And there are times, I say "enough!" and I still let him crawl back, sometimes I make it hard, others time, it's easy.

 

Now I can add in I've always been able to drop my exs like yesterday's news...this one, it didn't help that he kept reaching out heavily. The first six months, I spent thinking I was making amends for the ways I didn't treat him right, and this past month, I realize how we are now, the tables have reversed.

 

I know what I need to do...I need to stop reaching back. We hang out every weekend, and I know it's ridiculous. I try to fill my weekend up when I can with friends, outings, activities, and we still find room and time to be together.

 

I feel like a hypocrite at times when I tell people that today was the day I've stopped talking to him. We love each other, but I know that what we're doing isn't ex-appropriate. I'll push him away or distance myself during the moments a big thing is coming up...cuz I know he has no intention of getting back together with me.

 

Moving from speaking almost daily to what I need to do, and that is to stop talking to him...it's like trying to drop a long and bad habit.

 

I can rationalize it in my head of what I need to do, even find the best reasons to walk away for good...and I don't. Does this make me a wimp? Probably.

 

What do some people do to keep themselves in check, and to stick to walking away?

[WindowTo]

Hi Tattoobunnie,

I would venture to guess that the main driving force behind this whole thing is how crappy it feels to be alone and without intimacy when you are used to it. Intimacy withdrawal, I call it. Pretty literally we become used to the chemicals released in our brains during such states. But knowing that is not all that helpful. There is no magic pill, you have to steel yourself and be ready to feel crappy for a while in order to get yourself into a better situation, one with the potential to meet someone and have a mind blowingly awesome relationship with them, instead of dragging along with this unhealthy ball and chain thing you have going with your ex.

 

Prepare for the emotions you will feel when you cut him off. You will be lonely. When that happens think about the future, think about the potential you have now. Consider that it will take time to be ok being truly single again and that you will be happy eventually, once time heals, and it will. Then, one particularly good day, when you are smiling, happy, and finally ok with being in the situation you are in, you just might find that you stumble accross something new and exciting. Sorry there is no intimacy withdrawal patch or gum, you have to have strength of will. Good luck!

[MikNomis]

I think it's the determination, simply the willpower to not talk to them anymore that allows us to walk away for good. That comes from the inside, and from yourself. No one can make you stop talking to that ex unless you really want to. It's just something you need to decide and stick to.

[aporia14]

It is definitely important to stop all communication when you walk-away from a relationship. We all walk away from realtionships because something was wrong, lacking, or irreconcilable differences. It may help to constantly remind yourself of the reasons why this relationship is one to walk away from. Good Luck!

[LoveSoDeep]

Maybe blocking him from whatever means of contact he usually uses...If he phones or texts you have his number blocked on your phone...if he e-mails you have his e-mails sent to the junk mail folder.

 

Sometimes it just helps to get rid of the temptation for a while. If you want to completely cut him off then do just that.

[tattoobunnie]

Yeah...I know. I've relied on the blocking method before with other exs. It's that glimmer of hope I need to get rid of that things will turn-around, and we'll ride off into the sunset together.

 

Or that I'll get my dog...haha. She's still not ready to get adopted yet.

 

And the only person I can blame is myself for staying in this spot. The joke I have today for myself is the cheesy line for the Brokeback Mountain, "I don't know how to quit you."

 

I just have to just do it.

[Dako]

...And there are times, I say "enough!" and I still let him crawl back, sometimes I make it hard, others time, it's easy...

 

We love each other,...

 

These lines stood out to me.

I can't see how you could treat him this way if you love him.

Love should be enough motive to set him free.

 

Are you crave attention from him?

[tattoobunnie]

He broke up with me at the end of August. While it wasn't official till two weeks later, he pulled stunts to get me to see him...to "let's see how it goes", to "you're wasting your time." While we have worked out our issues, there is always a reason; he's not ready for a relationship, because of timing, I'm not his soulmate. And while yes, I do love him...but by being here, I am having a great deal of difficulty moving on. I would love to get back together with him, but if he doesn't want that, I'm not doing myself any good.

[Dako]

You both seem undecided.

I'd consider this a relationship without communications, respect and all those boring textbook foundations. You seem to hope for changes.

With luck, he'll change and be your devoted guy.

[tattoobunnie]

I'm confused with what you're saying.

 

What makes you think he would ever change?

[tattoobunnie]

You both seem undecided.

I'd consider this a relationship without communications, respect and all those boring textbook foundations. You seem to hope for changes.

With luck, he'll change and be your devoted guy.

 

I guess I'm looking for support. To stop indulging in the fantasy that things will work out.

 

With my background I have a fondness towards respecting wisdom of my elders. Can you please elaborate on what you are saying?

[Dako]

I'm agreeing with you that this is hopeless. He won't change and you won't either.

If the exes you easily left didn't appeal to you as this guy does, there has to be a drama-free hot guy in your future. Love doesn't have to hurt.

 

I'm no expert on relationships. I was married a lonng time, had a GF for a few years and have sworn off women for good.

[tattoobunnie]

It's not easy to break up with anyone. I just have in the past taken measures to commit to a break-up with exs.

 

I don't crave attention from him...he seeks it from me.

 

Just to stick up for him, he's not hurting me, and I'm not in pain. I think he's awesome. Just after months and months of discussing our relationship, having dates, even traveling together, it's time to just move on. I know he wants to stay in my life, and is persistent about it, the dynamic of dating your ex can make you complacent. Especially if there are still feelings between the two.

 

Whatever reason we both may have, or what we did in the past...all in all, he's not the right guy.

[tattoobunnie]

Thank you though for all of your words.

 

Yeah...just gotta keep in mind the goal of what I really want. A solid relationship. Intimacy withdrawals...I didn't really think about that, but it makes sense. I had been so fixated on trying to do things differently, addressing matters thoroughly, that I've lost my way in realizing what is actually best for me.

 

I'll miss him, but it's to be expected, and I have to keep that it mind.

 

Thanks again.

[Dako]

Breakups don't have to be all bad.

I recently parted with a fine lady due to distance and differences.

I'm happy knowing she's with a decent new guy.

[tattoobunnie]

Yeah, there's a few I have kept in touch, with ones where things ended amicably or unamicably. I'm happy for them when they find someone great, or got good things going on.