Any dumped to friends to back togeather stories?

[Tangz]

As title suggests. Anyone here or heard of anyone who have been dumped, or even dumped, remained friends (either close or with vlc) and then realised that it was ment to be and got back togeather??

[redherring]

A friend of mine was friends with her ex, while still heartbroken. She was really lucky as they ended up getting back together but she's said she'd never do anything like that again. She went through quite a lot emotionally as he was seeing someone else.

They've been together a year and a half now. They were together 9 months first time round and spilt up for 9 months (I think?) before they got back together.

[ev1782]

A friend of mine was friends with her ex, while still heartbroken. She was really lucky as they ended up getting back together but she's said she'd never do anything like that again. She went through quite a lot emotionally as he was seeing someone else.

They've been together a year and a half now. They were together 9 months first time round and spilt up for 9 months (I think?) before they got back together.

 

Well many of my close friends dated eachother, brokeup and got back together...but they jus got back together,,,they dint really remain friends. One was seperated for a year. He had to seee her a lot and endure her being coldhearted towrds him,,,after a while he justdealtwith it and eventually started talking to another girl,,,this got her jealous and she came back to him,,,she realisedshe missed him andcared andwanted to give it anotherr try

[In the Dark]

Yes.

 

The dumper came back after being with enough men who ended up cheating on her.

Went back to the safe guy.

 

I don't think she is completely happy with him though as he ios not like the men she feels high sexual attraction to.

 

I still can't believe he accepted her back because she was really abusive and hurtful to him before she started on her flings.

 

Personally I feel she hurt him the way she did so she could behave the way she wanted to without him having any or no contact to remind her that she treated him like **** for the life she decided to take.

 

So in short she came back because she was burnt to a crisp by the men who she desired.

[fuddiduddy]

I'm bumping this.

 

The question for this thread is exactly what I want to know. I feel my ex and I really, truly and honestly have a good chance of getting back together (I'm the dumpee and I did not want us to break up). Been together for 7 months and broke up suddenly because of something that did not involve our relationship. He swears it has nothing to do with neither me nor the r'ship--he just needs to be by himself because he's "a wreck" due to his personal circumstance. He felt it wouldn't be fair to continue in the r'ship in his current state.

 

At first we were in LC, at his request, because he "wants to remain friends". I initially agreed, but have now decided I cannot do that. Therefore, yesterday I decided to go the strict NC route because I still miss him, I'm still hurt (despite his saying it has nothing to do with us), and I realize a reconciliation is not guaranteed.

 

But this thread gives me a lot of hope and I love the replies so far.

[abigheart]

Like fuddiduddy, I also would like to know if there are any other cases...

 

Whether it takes several months or even a year, I keep thinking that keeping each other in our lives (without heavy contact for awhile) will bring my ex and I back together. I'm doing NC at the moment but don't want to keep it going forever as I feel like with him, he probably will think NC means no interest whatsoever. As much as I need to move on, I don't want to give him that impression...although I also shouldn't keep my hopes up.

[squirl]

I know of one dumped to friends to back together story, but it think it is an outlier. I know many more cases where close friendship led to the dumper moving on to someone else, after much pain on all sides.

 

My brother went from dumped to LC (daily texting) to engaged, but I would not say they were friends. He was clearly trying to win her back.

 

I know of three more broken up to NC to marriage stories. These people are all my cousins and in their 30s. In fact, I was talking to my cousin's husband today about it. He said he thought almost all couples break up before getting married. Crazy huh?

[In the Dark]

As Squirl said, some people break up before they get married.

 

Why?

 

Because marriage STATES tehy are not allowed to **** anyone else.

And in the eyes of "God" it si called adultery.

So they go on a **** rampage before they can feel like settling down.

 

Nobody wants to break the rules which "God" wrote.

 

Nobody wants to look like the bad guy.

But it is NOT in our nature to be monogamous as much as we would want or need it to be.

[Tangz]

I was with my ex for four years.

 

You see me and my ex run in the same circles and have the same group of friends. We will see each other quite often. We can both limit contact by not txting each other etc. I have healed quite good (its been 4 weeks) so seeing her doesn't bring me down TOO much - probably not the best to see her quite often at the moment but what im trying to say is I don't think I need to go NC (yet) to heal and that we can remain friends.

 

Personally I would like to remain friends with her but I do want her back. I feel as though we won't be getting back togeather anytime soon and with the LC we are having our feelings for each other will probably stay the same for a long time as we are still seeing each other and not removed from each others lives - this wont bring us back togeather as we wont 100% heal but could put our true feelings to the test. My ex is talking about going overseas for 6 months at the end of the year - I believe that if we ride the year out apart with limited contact then spend 6 months fully apart from each other if she goes away then when she comes back it could bring us togeather....

 

And on another note, I read another thread that said staying in the picture can mean your ex and her rebound succeeds whereas disapeering increases less chance of ex and rebound succeeding. Its called 'reverse psychology' in this forum I think.

 

In the Dark I see your from NZ - so I am!

[abigheart]

Tangz I've also adopted a very similar mindset as you. I was with my ex for 2 years, it's been a month since the break-up, a few weeks since official contact (I'm not including an email exchange last week). We also have a lot of mutual friends but not within a group like you do. That's tough but it sounds like you're holding up so keep it up.

 

I'd like to remain friends with my ex too but I do want him back and while I'm doing NC for now, I dont think I could keep it up forever which is why your thread intrigued me. I feel like I have to transition to LC at some point only 'cause i feel like my ex is the kind of person who will really hold things in/let me be if I ask for NC. And so I bolded what you said about LC - that's again how I'm thinking too haha. I feel like if I disappear then well, I'll really disappear from his thoughts or thats how I see it

 

While I think you would wish for things/feelings to remain the same while you do LC when she's abroad, at this point we really don't know what's going to happen. Don't get your hopes up though! I sympathize with you 'cause I'm also "planning" these sorts of thoughts in my own head about how maybe even several months to a year from now my ex will come back as he broke up to enjoy being on his own right now,nothing about another girl etc.

 

Sigh, so like you i want to move on but I don't want to move on haha.

 

Why did your ex break it off? Mine was because he wasn't ready for a long-term committed relationship right now...

 

And on a side note, I plan on visiting NZ in a few months (but I don't know now 'cause it's going to get colder there while itll be summer in the states!)

[Tangz]

abigheart - yup looks like we're in the same boat! I definitely think that for us there should be a mix of NC/LC. I think for you it would be good to initate LC somewhere soon as I too agree that my ex will let me be/hold feelings in/assume that we've both moved on. I would probably wait for the opportune moment such as him contacting you first (if you see this happening) before doing this so it doesn't LOOK like your trying to win him back.... how has he been toward you since?

 

Its a bit different in my situation as I can only go for NC during the week and will probably see her on weekends as our group is very social and we go out/hang out all the time... at least I have 'my boys' and she has 'her girls' (pretty much everyone in the group is bf/gf with each other) so there are times where we can be split. Im pretty alright to be around her but I want her to miss me so I can't be around her too often and have her feel as tho we are better off as friends, altho the sight of me will probably keep her feelings for me up (happened on Thursday night when we were out where she said she just wanted to kiss me)

 

She broke up with me because she "wants to do her own thing" and thinks we lost the spark. I think shes growing up (shes 19 im 21) and we've "met too young kinda thing" but we had a great relationship with lots of space and f all bad points so its worth hanging onto. She will always have something for me and I with her and I believe with time apart we can reginite the spark.

 

Thats great you want to come down here, you'll love it but yes its moving into winter now and the weather gets pretty crappy down here but if your into going to the snow then definitely get down to the parts where it snows here.

[In the Dark]

Yes I am the local Kiwi resident here on eNA.

Nth Island, East coast.

 

Well.....

 

It sounds like you still want her back as you are talking about the whole rebound staying or leaving thing due to your presence.

 

Yo do still have feeling s for her and if the rebounds does stay then she does not have feelings for you.

 

The dilemma in New Zealand with relationships is just so.

Unstable not matter what age you are unless you are the winner of the winners in the generic eyes of society when it comes to men.

 

I can not comment on other countries....maybe even other paces but this is what I have found in the society in New Zealand.

 

Pretty rough and possibly why the statistics show that the majority of Kiwi males commit suicide if you did not know Tangz.

We have the 3rd highest male suicide rate in the world due to women breaking up with their male counter parts.

 

I am pretty certain you would not fall to this statistic as most Kiwi male would not even think of coming here.

 

If you want her back....think of the consequences.

There is a past and there are bad memories.

She was able to sleep with someone else.

 

It could happen again as this is her way of getting over her past relationships.

Just like many Kiwi females.

 

Reenacting all that you two did but with a different face and a different person.

 

Indeed she will stay with this man as long as you are there where she is.

 

As long as she sees your behavior as fine with this man sleeping with her and doing all the things you and her used to do, she will take that as you being totally fine with it.

Even if she has a thought in the back of her mind thinking you may not be.

It's just that much easier to think that you are all good with the new **** buddy.

 

It's been only 4 weeks.

No way long enough for you to get over her after 4 years.

Unless you are doing the same thing as she is.

If you are able to.

 

I know....don't fight fire with fire blah blah blah.

But you watch her reaction.

 

BTW don't know how old you two are but I assume you are both in your early 20's.

[Tangz]

yeah i believe relationships down here are different compared to other countries.

 

first of all I dont think she is sleeping with him. I dont even think shes "seeing him". She considers him as a mate but admitted he likes her and she has small feelings for him and did admit that "nothing will happen now but maybe in the future". I trust what she says, not completely to be blinded by it but I don't think they are doing anything YET. She is not the person to go out looking for a root either. She still has feelings for me and is missing me also.

 

I have thought about the bad points - there arnt many. shes a special girl. sure she may sleep with someone else but ill probably be doing the same whilst we are apart. It doesn't mean anything. Love is stronger than that. It is more hurtful if she had feelings for a guy and slept with him regulary rather than random hook ups however.

 

this part you said: "As long as she sees your behavior as fine with this man sleeping with her and doing all the things you and her used to do, she will take that as you being totally fine with it.

Even if she has a thought in the back of her mind thinking you may not be.

It's just that much easier to think that you are all good with the new **** buddy."

Is this a good thing - that she thinks im 'okay' with it, or maybe not okay with it but dont give her a earful or cry to her saying how much it hurts me blah blah? I think crying to her or caring 'too much' would give her more of a reason to not be with me...

[In the Dark]

That's the trap.

 

There is no winning here.

Either reaction will be perceived as a right to be with this other boy.

 

If you behave like it's okay then she will more than willingly go ahead and go "further" with the boy.

 

You show how much it really hurts you then she will look at you "irrationally" as a weak man and a reason why you two are not together.

[abigheart]

Bold = my comments that refer to yours.

 

Yeah winter might be a bad time

 

Keep us posted on your situation!

[In the Dark]

Bold = my comments that refer to yours.

 

Yeah winter might be a bad time

 

Keep us posted on your situation!

 

If you want to know about New Zealand, PM either of us.

I am uncertain where Tangz comes from but I can tell you about the reality in where I live and certain other parts of New Zealand, along with the differences between the tourist spots and real New Zealand.

[abigheart]

If you want to know about New Zealand, PM either of us.

I am uncertain where Tangz comes from but I can tell you about the reality in where I live and certain other parts of New Zealand, along with the differences between the tourist spots and real New Zealand.

 

Haha will do! Definitely would like to be in the know of "real" New Zealand vs. too touristy areas. Unfortunately, I might have to scrap my plans to visit in a few months though - I keep forgetting it's winter there in a few months, summer here in the states. If it were summer there, I was thinking about doing that Stray hop on/hop off bus thing if either of you have heard of it!

[In the Dark]

Nope never heard of the hop on hop off thing here in New Zealand.

I see many tourists using those stupid caravans and driving much too slow.

 

I don't know where you come from, but if you are from the US I can understand, the Brits though.....they have no reason to drive the way they do, they drive on the same side of the road as us!

 

I don't find winter bad at all but then I prefer it instead of summer.

 

Not like you're going to be visiting the center of NZ....althoguh for a toursit I recommend to the South.

[guiltyflood]

Yes, I do know of a situation where the dumpee became friends with the dumper. But this seems like the most painful road to ever go down.

 

I met this couple about 3 years ago. One was a typical, stereotypical 'beach girl' while the guy was pretty quiet.

Basically, after 1.5 years of dating, the girl decided to break up with him to go back home to sleep with her ex boyfriend (during college break). Yes, she cheated on him emotionally during their relationship. She slept with her ex for a month. The guy kept in touch with her, went through all that pain knowing that she was back to dating her old ex boyfriend, because he could not just give her up.

 

She comes back a month later, probably because the guy was at least within her vicinity. They go back to dating.

 

8 months later, she breaks up with him again because she doesn't think it will work out. She didn't find him "sexually attractive." The breakup is for good.

But the guy kept in touch with her, while she went sleeping around. She would openly talk about how she slept with 8 guys in 4 months in front of him. I saw him get absolutely devastated as she talked openly about the things that she and her partners did in bed (she was too dumb to see what was really going on, as she just saw him as a "very good friend." The guy, simply put, had no spine).

 

But then something happened: the girl was raped. She filed lawsuits and there was a police warrant which makes it likely that it really did happen. During this whole ordeal, the guy stuck by her side, and she saw that.

 

Now, they're back together (for 5 months), and seemingly happier than ever.

 

Granted, everybody I know believes that she's going to either cheat on him again or break his heart. Everybody knows that she views him as a full-fledged backup plan that has her emotional support. But, he stuck with her as a friend, got dumped twice, saw and knows how she slept with 9 other guys in their span of the breakup, and has to hear the flack of everybody's gossip. But yes, they're actually together (for now).

[Tangz]

abigheart - if you want to follow my journey there is a thread ive made in getting back togeather titled 'How to approach this (staying friends/winning her back). You can skip the BS and go the end page if you want ha-ha.

 

But it definitely sounds like we are thinking the same, which is good to hear. If someone else is in a very similar situation (almost identical I think!) and thinks the same as I am then Its a positive sign that maybe I am right in how im thinking. Keep strong, update me on your progress and I will too! Do you have your own thread with your own story?

[abigheart]

abigheart - if you want to follow my journey there is a thread ive made in getting back togeather titled 'How to approach this (staying friends/winning her back). You can skip the BS and go the end page if you want ha-ha.

 

But it definitely sounds like we are thinking the same, which is good to hear. If someone else is in a very similar situation (almost identical I think!) and thinks the same as I am then Its a positive sign that maybe I am right in how im thinking. Keep strong, update me on your progress and I will too! Do you have your own thread with your own story?

 

Ah I see it! Haha will do. I don't have my own thread, but have posted random Qs about certain events that have occurred since the break up but nothing major.

 

Keep strong as well!

[abigheart]

Nope never heard of the hop on hop off thing here in New Zealand.

I see many tourists using those stupid caravans and driving much too slow.

 

I don't know where you come from, but if you are from the US I can understand, the Brits though.....they have no reason to drive the way they do, they drive on the same side of the road as us!

 

I don't find winter bad at all but then I prefer it instead of summer.

 

Not like you're going to be visiting the center of NZ....althoguh for a toursit I recommend to the South.

 

the hop on/off thing def doesnt go into any city parts, more so adventure/nature stuff like parks, glaciers and beaches.

 

Thanks for the rec on the South Island - will keep it in mind when I get to go next!

[jinxremoving]

What a story. She really doesn't deserve him. That really is true love, selflessness and compassion (some would argue stupidity, but you can't help who you love...)

[Tangz]

Yeah that guy is just getting hurt!!!

 

abigheart - I pm'd you last night (long reply), I hope it helps.

[abigheart]

Yeah that guy is just getting hurt!!!

 

abigheart - I pm'd you last night (long reply), I hope it helps.

 

Hi Tangz, thanks for your PM! I saw it and will reply back as soon as I can...unfortunately in the middle of tackling a huge project/thesis talk about bad timing with all this haha. So i'll reply back asap in a few days!