Ive been on both sides of the fence and..

[ev1782]

I just gotta share this. There is no cookie cutter way of handeling a breakup. You can do straight NC or LC... You might or might not get your ex back. Regardless of what method you choose you really do have to get yourself back and you will be better cause you learn through your mistakes and improve on them. I think a lot depends on the relationship. If there was constant NASTY fighting, somekind of abuse or infedelity then i must say i dunno if the chances of getting back together are great but they can still happen.

 

But if your relationship got boring, or you became needy, or they feel you are not the one,,,, yet you still treated your ex great and loved them dearly then chances are they will eventually miss you. Whether they contact you or not to work things out, is a different story. If your relationship was filled with a lot of Love and great memories and respect then it definitely holds weight.

 

Where im going with this is that there is no cookie cutter mode to any relationship. If you would like to possibly not burn a bridge with your ex coming back into your life then IMO strict hardcore NC is not the way to go because how can they see and realize your growth. But ultimately you grow for yourself and your future relationship; not to get your ex back. Letting go is part of the process whether you like it or not,,, letting go doesn't mean you forget about the person,,, it just means they no longer are the center of your world and you could see a bright future without them in it. So beggining with NC for as long as needed is definitely the way to start.

 

I got dumped about 2 months ago. And it is the worst feeling ever.... and what is scary is that it is very similar to when I dumped my 1stex (whom is currently my best female friend, i will refer to her as ex1)

 

My ex1 whom i dumped shared some wise info with me...Being that i practically dumped her for the same reasons my ex dumped me, I asked her, "why is she so cold and not missing me... Im at a point where im realizing that the relationship is done for and i may never get her back. If i, as the dumpee, feel this way i can imagine she just doesnt give a rat's ass about me or getting back with me."

 

So my ex1 told me,, "that is NOT true. This is just her way of Dealing with the breakup. WIth the guilt. With everything. If she truly didnt care she would not put so much effort to avoid me." (i treated my ex the same exact way when i broke her heart) My ex1 continues... "She is basically choosing to ignore her emotions and feelings, and shes is basically storing them away. Her friends and new life are taking up that time and space that you left."

 

She then says "Dont you remember how you acted? It was practically 2 years later that you called me one night and professed your undying love for me. All this after seeing me at a party and telling me how beautiful i looked" (and for the record,, she did look hot. Lost weigh, Dressed great, had her hair done in a way i always loved. And from what i knew finished college and was working. And was involved in many other things)

 

I told her "Well yeah, i realized you were a great girl and i would not find someone who would treat me the way you do. And i heard about how far you have come and saw how good u looked,,,at that point i decidedto try and win you back"

 

Long story short, I didnt win her back, but what i realized is that it tooke me more than a year to miss my ex1. And when i heard she had a bf, but then broke up with him and was graduating college and then saw how good she looked that night i was dumbfounded and wanted her back. We had mutual friends who would keep me informed of her progress. She did do NC and worked on herself and i wanted her back but it wasnt complete NC.

 

So now the shoe is on the other foot,,, my ex broke up with me for practically the same reasons i broke up with EX1 for. She wants to be single, experience life, im too needy, and possesive. Moving too fast... bla bla bla. While it may all be true,, what is also true is that i treated her like a queen. I loved her and was very loyal and respectful to her and we share MANY great memories and for a long while she was the one initiating the progress in the relationship... so i know she loved me and it wasnt an easy decision for her to let me go.

 

Her mother told me as much. Her mom told that my ex still loved me but that she wants space. She wants to live life,,,if we are meant to be then we will get back together but that right now she doesnt want a Boyfriend... So imma take the same approach my EX1 tookwith me... and thats basically, forget about her, Move on, let go of all the regrets and what ifs and improve my life, physically, mentally, spiritually, financially. And maybe who knows what may happen with the ex,, even if they do come back, it might be too little too late.

 

But remember, you dont have to totally drop off the face of the earth. Just shift the focus on you and forget about how she/he is living.

[FirstLove1607308205]

Awesome post! Thank you!

[Tony01]

really good quote mates hope it all goes well for you its help me what you said thanks

[minou]

I thought this was a really helpful, comforting post. Thank you for writing it. I really like the input your last x gave about all the energy that went into avoiding the person because of guilt. I think this thought will help me tolerate the lack of contact. I also liked hearing it took a year to miss her. Good luck with your situation!

[bungalo]

thanks for the great insight. This is exactly how I feel post b/up. We are pretty amicable..and there is hope.

[ev1782]

Its really all the mindset that you take. In speaking with my ex1,,, her mindset was im not going to think about him because if he didn't appreciate me or love me like he should then he is not worth my thoughts. Giving value back to yourself. she focused on her life and harbored no bitterness towards me. She would pray and wish for the best for me,, but all the while she was the priority.

 

Even though me and her never got back together,, almost did... we now have a great and beautiful friendship i would not trade for the world.

 

Me breaking up with her made her a better person and she is now happily married with the man of her dreams. Like she told me,,"My heart didnt get broken, it was fixed even better. Now you have the same opportunity."

[brandnewday47]

Thank you for posting this! I was down a bit today after a dream last night, and this is what i need to get back on track of the good path I was heading down. Back to the gym in a few hours for me, haha

[jimmajam]

I just gotta share this. There is no cookie cutter way of handeling a breakup. You can do straight NC or LC... You might or might not get your ex back. Regardless of what method you choose you really do have to get yourself back and you will be better cause you learn through your mistakes and improve on them. I think a lot depends on the relationship. If there was constant NASTY fighting, somekind of abuse or infedelity then i must say i dunno if the chances of getting back together are great but they can still happen.....

 

Awesome post. Thanks. I've taken the same course recently, finally after way too long just focusing on me. My ex left for pretty much the same reasons...from what I can tell. She didn't want to be tied down in college, felt like she had to experience life a little before she settled down.

 

The only bad thing about my situation is that she put me in no contact. We've always answered when we contacted each other, so I guess not true contact, but she hasn't bothered to contact me for a long time now. It sucks, but I am learning to be happy on my own again. If she ever is ready or realizes what she gave up I'll deal with it if/when it happens.