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My bf of 2,5 years just broke up with me - Need Advice


samirany

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Hello all,

 

My bf of 2,5 years just broke up with me by saying that he cannot give me what I need, i.e. marriage, kids, etc., because his life is a mess... He is 18 years older - I'm 33. He told me that he needs to put his life in order - he wants to go to law school, is fighting his ex-wife because his daughter, 13, does not want to talk to him any more. He is saying that relationship with me or anyone else for that matter is incompatible with these things that he needs to accomplish... He said that he still loves me, he had never felt such connection, both spiritual and physical, with anyone else before, but he can't be with me right now... The other reason is that he blames me for his daughter not wanting to talk to me, though I had nothing to do with it. He also cannot forgive me that I wanted my personal space during his daughter's visits when we lived together - to him, I was rejecting her and being rude.. So, he remembers all the bad things that happened in our relationship... He told me that we could remain friends

I am devastated... Can someone explain to me how you want to be friends with someone you claim you still love???????? I wouldn't be able to be friends with him!! I told him that! I asked him to think about it - we had a lot of good times, we have this deep connection... Why walk away from all this??? I told him I would give him space he needs to resolve his issues and be supportive... I think I really love him.... He still said no... But then he called me later that day twice and tried to have a casual conversation like nothing ever happened!!!!! This actually happened before in our relationship a few times... But I am totally confused!!!!! Has anyone been in a similar situation????

Thank you

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I don't think you gave his daughter enough of a chance. It may be moot now, but if someone appeared to be rejecting my child, I wouldn't be with them.

 

That's the risk you run when you date someone who has children. You need to accept them and treat them like you would your own, especially if you live with your SO.

 

I think it's good that he ended it now. He needs to salvage the relationship with his child before she resents him forever.

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Insane Heart,

 

I gave his daughter a chance - I spent a lot of time with them at the beginning. But I also needed my personal space, as I would do with my own child as well - like going to a beauty salon which I could only do on weekends. He always stayed with her and spent most of the time with her, not with me. We only lived together for 9 months. I moved out, but he continued his relationship with his daughter. She stopped going to him months after I left.

The thing with the daughter has nothing to do with me - it is between him and the ex-wife - they hate each other's guts and would gladly kill each other to get full custody of the child. She is the only thing they both have and they cling to her as if it is the last straw. They use her to manipulate and abuse each other.

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