HELP! What should I do?

[katie25]

My father was dating a woman for about a year when she suddenly broke things off and disappeared. My father didn't see it coming and was heart broken. He later found out that she had been lying to him about a severe drug addiction and was into a lot of bad stuff. So we told him he was better off without her and he would get past it. Well, for two years she was gone and made no attempt to contact him so, he started to get over it when all of a sudden she showed back up... and under fishy circumstances. She is completely broke, she's homeless, she's jobless, she's been arrested for drugs in the past six months, her only friend is recently released from prison, her children aren't speaking to her and now live with their father, and she needs an operation she can't pay for. Basically, she's found herself in a lot of trouble and desperately all alone. With all that in mind, she has suspiciously come back into my father's life and declared her (newly realized) undying love for him. Unfortunately, my father was not over her, and within a week or so she moved in with him and became completely supported by him.

Initially, I understood that people make mistakes in life and in considering my father's happiness I decided not to say anything about their reconciliation. I figured that people do change and time would tell if she had or not. However, recently it was announced that they plan to marry... and soon.

 

I am very concerned about this situation considering the fact that she has only been back in his life a little over two months, in which time she has made no attempt to fix her financial situation by finding employment, still associates with her friends of bad influence, and has made no attempt at rehabilitation or counseling for her drug addiction (which she claims to no longer have).

 

My father appears to be so blinded by love that he's not even a little apprehensive about marrying her. I'm afraid that if I say something to him he will turn on me, but I feel I can't just sit back and watch my father do something so blatantly foolish. What should I do? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

[nenez]

Hi

You are in a difficult situation because as you say if he hears you he may well not listen and may also turn against you when he so clearly needs her love. You could try voicing your doubts in a general way and advise him to protect himself finanacially.

You could also try talking to her. It may well be that she genuinely does love him and need him and it may be her damamged circumstances that made her realise this.

However, it is difficult for people to keep up an act. If she is so difficult as you say, this will become apparent sooner rather than later to your father. He may then realise theis is a no win on his own.

Thirdly you could try enlisting the help of one of his friends whose advise may be more palatable to him.

Are there ways that he cud become aware of her sitauation without you telling him?

At the end of the day though he may know all these things and still want her anyway. You will have to be prepared for that.

I wish you all the luck with this. Just rememeber to go slowly and gently with your father, he may respond better to a gentle approach than to a ful frontal attack. If you attack he will see you as jealous and destructive and this will not work in your favour.

Finally , if you do persuade him to finish this, he will then be facing heartbreak all over again and you will have to be prepared to support him even more fully this time as he will need it even more.

With love

Nenez xxx