Totally Destroyed

[fakereality22]

i dated this guy a while ago. he broke up with me in december, after just a month of being together. but, i still feel totally destroyed. I fell in love with him so deeply and fast that i didnt even realize it. He got me to rely on him for just about everything, then totally destroyed me. i feel so useless now. i feel like all my hope and faith in love has been erased. i now have a new boyfriend who loves me very much and we have been together for almost 4 months. i have strong feelings for him too, but im so paranoid now. what if andrew [my current boyfriend] does the same thing louis [my x] did to me? i dont want to take that chance. i feel so lonely. i feel so empty, even with andrew. all because of louis. i dont even see what was so great about him. im so torn apart inside... still. even after 6 months! can anyone give me some words of comfort or advice?

[oxygen_lsv]

ummm... don't depend on somebody to make u happy... it should be urself to make u happy... samething that is happening to me right now... my boyfriend and i are on a break... his name is Luis too... and yeah... don't worry... anytime soon you'll forget about luis... cuz if andrew trully cares about you... you don'y have to be paranois... just don't give you heart out to soon... i've learned from my past... right now i'm still holding on and waiting that he'll be back...

[oxygen_lsv]

you are stronger now than before... louis DOES NOT deserve your love... let him be... show him... that you are stronger... don't let him hurt you

[oxygen_lsv]

you are stronger now than before... louis DOES NOT deserve your love... let him be... show him... that you are stronger... don't let him hurt you

[gemmy]

that is right. you have to learn to find happiness in other things and in yourself first. maybe you aren't ready for this relationship either. maybe u need some time to yourself to find out the things that make you happy.

[oxygen_lsv]

this sounds easy for us to say bit it's really hard to do... so take everything slowly... talk to someone... someone who will listen... and from then... that when you do everyhting

[mahlina]

I don't know if this is true or not, but I heard that for some people, it takes about 'twice the amount of time' that they were with their ex's to actually get over them, and for some, it takes about the 'same length of time', in which they spent with them. For instance, for some people, if they've been with their partners for 6 months, then it could either:

1. Take them 6 months to 'heal'.

2. 1 year.

 

This coming August, marks the 1 year anniversary that my recent ex and I broke up! We weren't even going out for a year, but it's taking me close to 1 year to get over him. Since him, I haven't kissed another guy, held hands, but just casually dated, and it still hurts. So, I guess it varies for each individual. Sucks to see how I'm still committed, even though we're not together. Ironic isn't it?

 

I know how you feel though. It's tough. I think it's hormonal too! Certain things that remind us of them, regenerates certain hormones that might cause us to recall them through our Long-Term Memory. Too bad we can't find ways to hypnotize them out of our memories, huh? Or at least have those memories transfer onto the Short-Term Memory. That's why sometimes, I wish it was a Carpe Diem, to hell with the Ex's situation! I wish it could be that easy to let go of them out of our minds, but eventually we will.

 

Healing takes time. Think about it: Within 20 years, are we still going to feel the same way? Are we going to feel the pain that we're going through right now? No. So, this pain is temporary.

 

My best advice: Date, but make sure that you're selective with the people you meet. You mentioned a recent boyfriend, right? Make sure that you're aware of your feelings. I know that you are. Good for you! A pat on your back! At least, you're aware of how you feel, but just know this: what you're feeling is 'normal.'

 

-Journal your thoughts out if you need to.

-Rent videos/DVDs that will help you to find your interests again. Humor is always great to have in our lives. Rent out comedy movies, so that you'll realize that you can smile again, and know that tomorrow's a brighter day.

-Get on you feet, and out of bed. I know that it's tough when our depressive moods set in, but when this happens, dress yourself up, go out, and engage in happy activities. Find a job that interests you. Indulge in your personal activities. Enjoy it with friends.

-Whatever you do: KEEP BUSY!

 

Best of Luck to ya! I know that this pain is hard to deal with, but always remember that you will survive. Hang in there K? Mahlina

[Luv_4_Life]

I agree with the others...you must find happiness within yourself before someone else could make you happy. I was once dependent on someone also and I felt the same way that you do now. It is normal to feel that way but you have be strong. Do your new boyfriend know what you are going through? If not I think you might need to let him know what's up because it is a possibility that he is feeling your pain also and that is not fair to him. What I am trying to say is take sometime out for yourself so you heal from the previous relationship. You do not want to hurt your new boyfriend in the process.