I've done something bad which feels so good, is it wrong not to feel guilty?

[freegirl116]

I split up with my boyfriend of 2 years about 6 weeks ago because we'd grown apart and didn't really have the time to be in a relationship, we both agreed to see how things go... we've broken up twice before and it hurt so much but this time I was ok because I instigated it. My boyfriend and I had one big problem: a cultural difference! I had to lie to my family in order to be with him and as our relationship was limited by what we could do... we both agreed that we'd wait until I graduated uni till I told them and then we could finally be together the way we wanted but I guess he grew impatient and wanted someone who he could be with all the time

I found out 2 weeks ago that he went on date with a girl from his work and though it was early they like one another, she's told him that she loves him after 4 weeks and she knows he's just come out of a relationship.

Last week I saw my ex for the first time in ages (we broke up over the phone) and we slipped back into the familiar pattern, one thing led to another and we had sex.

But the thing is, I don't feel guilty. I feel bad that I have hurt someone and logically I know its bad but emotionally, my ex and I do still really love one another and when I found out he'd moved on so quickly I was so hurt. I feel angry at my ex for involving himself in a new relationship to distract himself without properly resolving and ending our one first and in terms of his girlfriend, I feel like she should have been more conscious involving herself with him. Is it wrong to not feel guilty? I don't know whether he's planning on telling her or not, from what he told me I don't think he is which is a reflection of what kind of guy he is, weak, selfish and deceptive... despite all this I love him. I'm angry that he moved on so quickly, if he hadn't maybe we'd be back together... I hate that I've gone from the girlfriend to the other woman... yet he claims that it will never happen again and he still wants us to be friends however I feel like I should just let him get on with it. I can't help but feel glad that I've messed with his head by doing this and tainted his new relationship after 2 years of broken promises and games. My head is saying 'ur free, let it all go, move on' but my heart is saying 'decide what you want and if you really love him go get him back.' I always thought that love was something you had to work through and maybe this new relationship is just another obstacle for him to experience and for us to overcome, why is love something which remains so persistent despite everything that happens yet your choice in pursuit of this love riddled with insecurity? ~i don't know what is going on

[Crazyaboutdogs]

this time I was ok because I instigated it

 

I had to lie to my family in order to be with him and as our relationship was limited by what we could do... we both agreed that we'd wait until I graduated uni till I told them and then we could finally be together the way we wanted but I guess he grew impatient and wanted someone who he could be with all the time

 

but emotionally, my ex and I do still really love one another and when I found out he'd moved on so quickly I was so hurt. I feel angry at my ex for involving himself in a new relationship to distract himself without properly resolving and ending our one first and in terms of his girlfriend, I feel like she should have been more conscious involving herself with him.

 

Sounds like you are blaming everyone but yourself. YOU didn't want to come clean to your family, YOU dumped him, YOU knew he had another girlfriend, YOU chose to have sex with him despite the fact that he has another girlfriend. So you are indeed responsible for things....how can you be angry at him for moving on when you were the one who dumped him. If anything, this other woman should be angry at HIM for stringing her along and for sleeping with his ex when he is supposed to be with her. Sure, his gf wasn't very wise getting involved with him..but she clearly has strong feelings for him and was hoping over time things would develop. If you really want your bf so badly why did you break up with him in the first place.

[Salicia]

Sounds like you are blaming everyone but yourself. YOU didn't want to come clean to your family, YOU dumped him, YOU knew he had another girlfriend, YOU chose to have sex with him despite the fact that he has another girlfriend. So you are indeed responsible for things....how can you be angry at him for moving on when you were the one who dumped him. If anything, this other woman should be angry at HIM for stringing her along and for sleeping with his ex when he is supposed to be with her. Sure, his gf wasn't very wise getting involved with him..but she clearly has strong feelings for him and was hoping over time things would develop. If you really want your bf so badly why did you break up with him in the first place.

 

If anything, I got from the OP that the timing wasn't right for her to deal with a relationship. However, I do agree with crazyaboutdogs. You shouldn't be mad at your ex for moving on so quickly. It shows that he really wanted a relationship with someone and you didn't. Of course you didn't feel sorry for what you did because that was what you wanted anyway. I feel like you were jealous of his relationship with this girl, a relationship that you don't have with him and set your trap. Deal with the facts and circumstances and move on. You made your own bed so lie in it.

[freegirl116]

I didn't dump him, I instigated the breakup but it was a mutual agreement to be single and then potentially get back together. We have broken up twice before because of his decision and the first time I almost died. I didn't tell my family because I would either be disowned or honour killed, so like I said waiting till I had graduated would have at least ensured that I could support myself no matter what happened. But yes you are right, I should deal with facts and move on, I guess by writing this, in a way I am.

[Salicia]

I didn't dump him, I instigated the breakup but it was a mutual agreement to be single and then potentially get back together.

 

Ok, I apologize for misinterpreting what you had said. At first, it sounded like you dumped him but then again it sounded like the breakup was mutual. Thank you for clearing that up with me. I kind of had a similar situation like yours instead it wasn't very mutual. The timing was wrong and he immediately moved on with another girl. At the beginning, I thought about retaliating to try to get him back but ultimately it was a lost cause considering that he didn't want to have anything to do with me after that. If anything, the writing is on the wall. He has to make the choice to read it and take it all in or get rid of it. Leave him be with his relationship and if he does decide one day that you are still the one for him then you can try to revisit it. That's if you still feel the same way about him down the road. I wouldn't kill his happiness and fulfillment just because you aren't happy about it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It doesn't make sense to break up with someone with the "understanding" that you will get back together at a later date. Either you break up and go your separate ways or you stay together. If your parents would take issue with who you are dating and that was one of the reasons why you broke up until you graduate...I can only imagine how they would feel learning that you had sex with a guy you broke up with who was seeing someone else. In other words, your intentions seem to be all over the map and inconsistent.