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marry after seven months dating?


jpmartin

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I'd normally agree that dating for two years sounds a good time to get married. but my case is a little bit different.

 

I've dated the sweetest guy for seven months, the relationship goes very well, he's saying I'm his soul mate and he'll marry me one day, and I believe he is sincere.

 

and now I got an offer from a PhD program 8 hrs away and I decided to take it. My bf can't relocate coz licensing for his job are different in different states. and I can't stay coz I'd a visa situation. I lost my job six months ago and switched to a local technical school just to keep myself legal, there's no jobs in my field nation wide.

 

Now my bf said he's really sad I'll be leaving, we've talked about I staying here and do a nursing degree instead, but an associate degree will not make me eligible for a visa when I graduate.

 

I love my bf and wants to be together with him. the only way I could stay here is he marry me. I'm ok to let go my Phd offer and do a nursing instead. I don't know whether I should be upset that he won't mention this option. He is always saying I'm his soul mate and he doesn't want me to leave, then he needs to prove by his action if he really mean it. On the other hand, I understand seven months is really short to make a decision to marry, esp. when you do take it seriously.

 

yes, i don't know how to feel but I'm sad. but I know I'd have to go for my Phd if we won't marry, I just don't have choices.

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I'm not sure if it's as simple as this, but technically you COULD...

 

Marry him legally, but not with a ceremony or anything, for the purposes of being able to stay in the country. And when you are actually ready, you can have a ceremony and get married "for real."

 

I've never been in this postion so I don't know if it's a good idea. But it is an option.

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just be careful...it is only 7 months and i was in a bsn accelerated p rogram. nursing sounds easy but it is hard. can you do a masters and still be with him. just make sure you pick the right career for you, you want to be independent and not depend on him. my ex fiance thought i was going to be a nurse and me not completing nursing broke us up. just a thought though. good luck to you just tell him all your concerns if he loves you really it won't matter.

 

my ex and i are back together now and i know he did love me and it was not about what i was going to be.

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Sounds like you want to base your life and career decisions on what HE chooses for YOU. Not good. You have only been dating 7 months...many people yammer on about soul mates and marriage while still caught up in the honeymoon period of the relationship. It doesn't mean any action is going to come out of all that talk. You should be basing your career decision on what YOU want as your future livelihood. Your boyfriend may or may not be with you for the rest of your life but your career will. Choose wisely based on where you see your future and what you would like to do. Do you really want to be a nurse or do you really want to have a PhD. You should be finding out the information about those career paths and decide which one you would like better...with nursing there is a lot of shift work. It is not an easy job. A PhD could take several years to complete and you need to decide what you would like to do with the PhD if you choose to get it. There is the old joke about going to college to get the Mrs degree. Your future work/career goals should not be based on the Mrs degree, they should be based on what you want to do with your work life.

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Your future work/career goals should not be based on the Mrs degree, they should be based on what you want to do with your work life.

 

Yes and no. I did a PhD, which resulted in my moving and moving until at age 30 I finally had a permanent job in a super-rural area. Only now am I really beginning to date seriously; all my friends are married with two kids. And now I don't even like the faculty job. If I could do it over, I think I would put a much higher priority on marrying someone I liked, and starting a family. You have to balance your career needs and your personal ones, with a view toward the future--not just "what makes me happy right now," but "how happy am I going to be ten years from now?"

 

I am not advising this particular poster, but I would advise women generally not to neglect the Mrs. degree, if it is one they want.

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thanks everyone. I think at the back of my mind, I'd prefer to stay here. No career is easy, nursing is hard but at least I always know I've a job.

 

I feel in my situation, I should not suggest him to marry me to keep me here, I don't want to push him. I've told him my situation and what I've to do, if he's ready, he will bring up the marriage option. If he is not, I'll just go for the PhD.

 

I know I'll be sad if I leave because it's more than likely we'll break up coz we've to be apart for five years and I might need to relocate for jobs when I graduate. On top of that, I do want to get married and have kids before I'm 35.

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Yes and no. I did a PhD, which resulted in my moving and moving until at age 30 I finally had a permanent job in a super-rural area. Only now am I really beginning to date seriously; all my friends are married with two kids. And now I don't even like the faculty job. If I could do it over, I think I would put a much higher priority on marrying someone I liked, and starting a family. You have to balance your career needs and your personal ones, with a view toward the future--not just "what makes me happy right now," but "how happy am I going to be ten years from now?"

 

I am not advising this particular poster, but I would advise women generally not to neglect the Mrs. degree, if it is one they want.

 

I am in the same boat as you..I focused on the PhD and career...but you know what...I didn't exactly meet any stellar men anyway. The men I did meet were all jerks so had I married any one of them I would have been miserable. There are lots of women who focus on getting that Mrs degree rather than career and end up divorced in their forties with a barely scraping by job. I would rather be alone and self-sufficient, than married in a hellish marriage or divorced with a low paying job and children to support.

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  • 2 weeks later...

would you please tell me what your like/ dislike about faculty jobs? It'll be of a huge help for me to make an informed decision. thank you!

 

Yes and no. I did a PhD, which resulted in my moving and moving until at age 30 I finally had a permanent job in a super-rural area. Only now am I really beginning to date seriously; all my friends are married with two kids. And now I don't even like the faculty job. If I could do it over, I think I would put a much higher priority on marrying someone I liked, and starting a family. You have to balance your career needs and your personal ones, with a view toward the future--not just "what makes me happy right now," but "how happy am I going to be ten years from now?"

 

I am not advising this particular poster, but I would advise women generally not to neglect the Mrs. degree, if it is one they want.

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If you're in love and there are such pressing matters, I would say go ahead with it. Otherwise, your deportation could destroy the relationship. I look at this way, if you know you're eventually going to get married, and getting married now would help your circumstances, why wait until later?

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