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Advice please~ I'd like to know if I'm doing the right thing?


lily_dog

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My boyfriend and I were very very close, and i mean that we both agreed we were much closer than we had been with previous partners. However there was a week or two of small and large fights, and some things changed. At that time e told me his feelings for me had gone down a bit, but by having good times again it would get better. But several weeks later its still not where it was.

 

In any case after lots of 'talking' and 'being honest' I got some information. He does love me, as a friend and as a lover but it is a lot less than i love him, he enjoys my company a lot and wanted to continue 'trying' (hanging out with me having good times etc)

 

On that day i agreed to see him the following day (he still wants to see me a lot) and we were going to see how that day went in terms of feelings, and it was a good fun day, i liked it. But knowing that it was in a fixing process...like it had been before, knowing his love wasn't up to scratch i just preferred to break it off. Give him time to sort it out himself. was this right?

 

 

I decided it could be something missing, an emotion a spark, and despite his feelings, honesty, and his resistance to breaking up he basically sighed and agreed. I don't want to be with someone who admittedly loves me less. Perhaps time and space like a break up can sort out emotions (im not relying on it though) *note* its a break up not a break at all, i cant do waiting games, i prefer this method. after all we've already tried a while.

 

Ive tried to be as polite and cool headed as possible saying i want time and space etc and may not speak to him for a while or ever (i dont speak to exes usually)

 

It's all very calm But i am deeply upset as i hav never felt this atatched to anyone and thought i was loved and loving somone back prefectly. This is a break up and not a break. I thought a clean smooth break is best but here are the 2 things that could happen

 

1. after time and space his confused feelings sort out and he decided he misses me. This is why i'm trying to be calm, nonchalant but not non friendly and honest, i told him he can tll me things if anything changes etc.

 

2. his feelings don't change which means the breakup was a good idea anyway because no one can stay in a half-assed relationship

 

Its fine either way. I just hope i haven't destroyed the first option with any of my actions. I think i've been pretty good though. If it cant be saved and its not meant to be then that's fine. But id really like to know that im not the one stuffing up chances of re contacting and rekindling love. I'm currently not speaking to him and saying i want time away with no contact at all not even as friends. This is good at the very start? i read tips and self help a lot but i don't believe them, i want YOUR real opinions.

 

I suppose i fear that due to the fact he feels less than me that he is right now recovering painlessly and will forget me shortly. If that's true then.... well it was not meant to be anyway but, I'd like to hope not. I just hope nothing ive done or said makes it seem too much like im in pieces or desperate. He has seen me cry, but then again, im the one who dumped him and not the other way around so....

 

anyway tips and thoughts anyone? sorry its so long, i thought info would help.

Thanks in advance

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I've been in his place. Sounds like he could have a fear of commitment, or maybe he misses the spark that your growing relationship once had now that it's settled into the "comfortable" zone. My advice is to NOT take him back if he asks you (I broke up with an ex with no hard feelings, decided I missed her, asked her back, and two months later we broke up again; this time it was messy).

 

Spare you both the trouble and make sure you stick to your breakup.

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I am 23 years old. Thanks for the advice, I'd like to hear more too. I'd also like to know if i really deserve to be the one who's possibly waiting for a reply when i am the one who has rejected him, although he is fully aware that the problem was him, and there for should his situation change it is him who should contact me. However usually those tips that say 'ignore him, wait for him to contact you' are for the people who did not decide themselves. so what do you think?

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