Pictures on mobile (cell) phones

[Chriz]

My girlfriend recently came accross an image of a friend of mine on my phone who happened to be female. It was a profile shot which I took at a restaurant at a friend's party. I had similar shots taken of male friends. I took these photos of my friends so I could use them as profile pictures for when they ring me. She was upset about the fact that I had a picture of another female on my phone. She said it was common knowledge that I shouldn't have had any images of other females on my phone when I have a girlfriend. I thought she was being very jealous and she couldn't seem to accept my reasoning for having the photo on there. At the time I conceded to stop any further arguing and delete the photo. She said all girls and possibly guys would be the same about this. I wasn't really fully convinced by this. I thought it was a harmless photo which wasn't provocative in any way.

 

Now something similar has happened to a friend and it's got me wondering what the general concesus of these sorts of photos SO's phones is.

[jengh]

I don't see what the big deal is. I have pictures of males and females on my phone. Some from bars/parties, some that I took for IDs, some I imported from my computer. I think she's making a wayyy big deal out of this.

 

I'm an extremely jealous girl and this wouldn't bother me at all.

[ted89blue]

In my opinion I think you are perfectly reasonable. It's not wrong at all to have a picture of a female friend on your phone to use when they ring you. It seems like your girlfriend may be a bit insecure. Girls like this are very hard to convince or persuade otherwise, and see this behavior as a small red flag. Her insecurities may grow worse as time goes on.

[Keyman]

My phone is full of my friends pictures for exactly the same reason that you have them. I do not agree that people in relationships should not have pictures of the opposite sex on your phone. Sure, if it's her sexy friend in lingerie, sure, that's probably not right (and you should hide them far far better) but general profile pictures...

 

Obviously your girlfriend is jealous and easily insecure.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Wouldn't even bat an eyelash at them. Unless these pictures were naughty, I don't see what the deal is.

[faithful14]

It's not a big deal unless they were inappropriate but I think your girlfriend just doesn't know what your intention was behind taking this photo. It doesn't seem like you have bad intentions at all but she doesn't see it that way.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I looked through your old threads. Your girlfriend sounds like she has some serious jealousy issues.

 

She's upset that you used to watch porn when you were single?

She's asks you if you think other women are attractive and then is angry at you when you tell her the truth?

She tells you you can only see your friends once per week?

 

That's so controlling! I'd feel smothered.

[capbit]

Wow, overreacting no? She sounds a bit insecure..

[Javito1986]

She's wrong. Don't give up an INCH of territory on this or you'll regret it later. Insecure, jealous girls are like Hitler--you must NEVER appease them.

[hockeyboy]

She is insecure and out of line. I would have kept the photo.

[hexaemeron]

Dude. How much more info/ reasons do you need smacking you in the face? She's not going to magically stop being a controlling insecure monster. My advice remains leave her.

[Chriz]

Yes I understand all this. She is not exactly being a monster as such, but little things like this irk me. This incident happened a while ago and for some reason we talked about it recently. She also mentioned that her younger brother had a similar thing where he got weird about a photo of another guy on his girlfriend's phone. She said this to somehow reinforce that everyone behaves this way, thinking she'll prove a point. In regards to other issues in other threads, she's admitted she has some problems with managing her emotions and is working on improving these, but only time will tell. Maybe I'm a fool for trying to stick by her to work through things, but if nothing improves I will know when it's time to call it quits.

[Kumatora]

In regards to other issues in other threads, she's admitted she has some problems with managing her emotions and is working on improving these, but only time will tell.

I'm sorry to say this, but this time you're wrong.

 

She has a problem but she isn't trying to change herself. She's trying to change YOU. She wants YOU to limit time with your friends. She wants YOU to not look at other women. She wants YOU to delete photos of other people that she feels threatened and insecure about HERSELF over off YOUR own damn phone. I'm sorry... is she the one paying for your phone bill or bought you the phone? No. Therefore she has no business at all to tell you what you can or can't have on YOUR own phone. That's an invasion of privacy, space, and respect on you Chriz whether you acknowledge that or not.

 

Someone who has major controlling issues are ALWAYS trying to change someone else other than themselves. This is what your girlfriend is clearly doing. Tell me... what changes has she made for HER?

 

Maybe I'm a fool for trying to stick by her to work through things, but if nothing improves I will know when it's time to call it quits.

You will grow very resentful if you stick by her and NOTHING improves on her part. I know you love her and she probably has some positive qualities, but you need to do what is right for YOU. You need a girl who is not going to try to change you. You need a girl who is going to respect and love YOU for the way you are. She will do this by not nit picking on little things like pictures on a phone or hanging out with your buddies, or picking fights because she's too immature and insecure to deal with an adult relationship.

 

I hope this helps. Consider what I said and go back re-reading your posts. None of us want you to resent your relationship: we like to help people find their own peace and happiness with the right person.

[wildchild1]

Following this along with your other threads, you will look back in 5 or perhaps 10 years, and hate your decision to stay with this woman. She obviously doesn't know how to treat another person in a relationship, and quite frankly she doesn't seem to want to change despite knowing she has these issues.

[Maya_A]

Dude. How much more info/ reasons do you need smacking you in the face? She's not going to magically stop being a controlling insecure monster. My advice remains leave her.

 

Ditto...

 

Why do you forever keep posting these same type of scenarios here? You get feedback & then ignore it & just keep posting about similar over-the-top incidents over & over...

 

Seriously, why do you do that? What is it you are looking for? I'm just curious as to what your mind set is around this. You've heard it all already many times over in your other message/s related to her same type of behaviors...

[anggrace]

she's definatly over-reacting and VERY insecure, obviously.

[Chriz]

This is something that happened a while ago and while I know that it's obvious that she's insecure/jealous and all that, but the fact that I heard of this happeneing with someone else made me wonder if her thoughts were more common than people here would say.

[Kumatora]

Chriz, her behavior is NOT normal. Just because you hear someone else behaving like her does not mean her behavior is acceptable. Why are you not reading our posts, when EVERYONE here is telling you "She is out of line?" There is NO justification to overreact on appropriate pictures on a phone. People who are insanely jealous has low sef-esteem and self security issues. They tend to put their frusturations out on you and it wears relationships if they do not have self control. It hurts trust a great deal.

 

You still never answered my question. What changes has she made for herself? Why it is that YOU have to change for her?

[Chriz]

Well she has worked on her issues. She used to get upset and get angry quite easily. She would basically say that things were over between us straight away when something upset her enough and then she'd later come back and say she was sorry. This doesn't happen anymore. I told her to work on this and instead try to talk through things if they annoyed her. This has greatly improved, but she is still quite easily upsettable. This is more of a character flaw which I don't think there is any quick solution to, if at all. I also told her not to make a public display of things on Facebook if she was upset because others were asking if things were OK. She has stopped this also.

 

The jealousy thing she thinks is normal for all girls. She even says I'm jealous of others paying her attention, but even if I am it's nowhere to the extreme that she is. I told her if she had an image of a male contact on her phone for the profile picture, then it wouldn't bother me. I keep telling her it's a matter of trust. She says she trusts me, but not other women (hitting on me etc).

[hexaemeron]

The insecure partner mantra. That's not trust. At all.

[Kumatora]

The jealousy thing she thinks is normal for all girls.

I would have to disagree. I am a woman in my mid twenties and I have not overreacted or pick a petty fight with my partner if he goes out with other girls. I have no reason to. He is always in-line with himself and he respects me. We have been together for 6th years and he has never cheated.

 

I keep telling her it's a matter of trust. She says she trusts me, but not other women (hitting on me etc).

And she has no control of another woman's actions either. Instead of taking the easy, less conflicting decision of ignoring it and moving on, she has to be completely hostile about it by placing blame on YOU, no matter what choice you make! That's not fair to you at all. You don't let it get out of line like from what I saw in this particular post ( ) with the waitress:

To make things worse, she brought up something that happened at a restaurant 2-3 months ago. We were at a restaurant with a group of friends. Towards the end a female waiter was collecting the plates and so forth. When she came around to me she put her hand on my shoulder to get my attention and asked if she could take my plate. I cannot really remember how long she had her hand there, but my girlfriend thinks that it was about 10-15 seconds until she took my plate. To be honest I didn't really think anything of it

...

Lastly when we left after paying the bill, my girlfriend says she saw the waitress looking at me (as in checking me out), but I didn't notice as I was looking at my girlfriend and giving her kisses. The point it that my girlfriend believes she was trying to hit on me in front of her. Now that this argument about the photos has come up, she used this as an example of someone touching me and me not doing anything about it.

Double yikes! It was just a touch on the shoulder. Big whooping deal! It's not like the waitress was fondling your "junk" or hugging you in front of her and she flips out?! You kiss your girlfriend and pay no attention to the server who is in a distance... but her focus is STILL on the server. You paid no attention and when she is several feet away. That's enough by diffusing flirtations. It's your girlfriend who makes it worse by acting like a paranoid attack dog and places blame on you.

 

How very classy. Not a cool way for a girl to treat their boyfriend like that at all, bro.

 

She simply needs to chill out let issues like these go because it's eating her up and destroying your relationship with her. If she can't learn to do this then there is no relationship.

[Chriz]

I suppose this article sums up generally what women in her place are like link removed