How to walk away from an argument without feeling like you gave up?

[Seymore]

So you're arguing with a person who will refuse to see things from your standpoint. You've tried and tried again to get them to listen to your side and they're so immersed in their own world and opinion that it's pointless to keep trying. So you throw in the towel, and either say "We'll have to agree to disagree" or some other statement that lets the other person know your participation in the argument is over. For some it's tough, for some it's easy enough.

 

However, then the other person may even throw in a "See? You have no other arguments to prove your side, that's why you have nothing further to say!", adding insult to injury. Those around you may look at you odd, saying "You're just going to give up like that?" - these comments may be from real people around you, or what is going on in your head, but either way, you may feel like you're just letting the other person win and coming off as a quitter.

 

How do you walk away from an argument without feeling like a loser or a quitter?

[thejigsup]

You are not a loser if you end the argument that is going nowhere. You are the intelligent, mature one. My bf is an attorney and if we actually argued, well, he would always win. He has been professionally trained to argue and he can win an argument on ANYTHING! He knows this, so we calmly discuss things, we don't argue...ever. Every once in awhile we do end up having a difference of opinion and I give him the "well, that's your opinion and you're welcome to it, but I will never agree with you." I'm not giving in, nor am I forcing him to agree with me. That is silly on both ends.

[Distant]

My gf (or ex as some would call it) was the exact same way. I could argue till my face turns blue about something that I am right about and she would still disagree.

Walking away is in my opinion a good thing to do if you have came down to were nothing works.

[HouseKitten]

If someone genuinely isn't going to see my side then I don't even bother. I worked with a girl who was extremely common and had a lot of views that were verging on racist, ignorant etc etc. She'd had bust-ups with other colleagues because she could never accept that she might be wrong about something - we once had a heated discussion where she tried to tell me that a contraceptive coil sits in the fallopian tubes. I looked it up on my iPhone and everything to show her I was right and she still disagreed! So eventually I just made general noises like 'oh yeah?' and 'oh right' to everything she said, because it was far less effort than attempting to put her right. With some people, there's just no point.

 

If they genuinely won't even try to see your way then they're the ones losing, not you - you tried, and to walk away is the mature response rather than escalate an argument neither of you can win.

[turnera]

they're so immersed in their own world and opinion that it's pointless to keep trying

Are you so sure that YOU are not, as well? I'm pretty sure that the other person is probably thinking the exact same thing about you!

 

How do you walk away? By knowing that you show strength and intelligence by doing so. And those who don't 'get it' are simply beneath your worry.

[Dako]

Silencing someone doesn't mean they're converted.

I don't need to be right.

[thejigsup]

Sometimes there is no right or wrong, there are just differences of opinion. You think you are right, they think they are right. Neither should force their point-of-view on the other. That is rude and has no place in any kind of relationship. Just agree to disagree. If you feel like a loser when you do this, look inside yourself and find out why this is so.

[Seymore]

I looked it up on my iPhone and everything to show her I was right and she still disagreed!

 

The bolded rings a bell, too - wouldn't some consider that taking it too far?

 

 

Are you so sure that YOU are not, as well? I'm pretty sure that the other person is probably thinking the exact same thing about you!

 

Hey, nobody's perfect, but there are some cases like HouseKitten's, where factual evidence is being disputed and the other person is still insisting they're right, or cases where someone's feelings are involved and one person is saying "you hurt me" while the other is saying "it's not a big deal". Arguments like those are a lot more clear cut than "Where's the next McDonald's?"

[pinkelephant]

Why would you even waste energy on someone who is obviously stupid and refuse to be educated?

[HouseKitten]

The bolded rings a bell, too - wouldn't some consider that taking it too far?

 

You'd think so. If someone could show me I was wrong, I'd say 'hey what do you know, I wonder why I thought that in the first place then?' whereas this girl was all bluster. She wasn't wrong, everyone else was misinformed. And if you could show she was wrong then it was someone else's fault that she thought what she did.

 

...or cases where someone's feelings are involved and one person is saying "you hurt me" while the other is saying "it's not a big deal".

 

Ouch. The worst kind I think, when one person is telling another that they are 'wrong' to feel hurt by something. If it's a big deal then you can't change how you feel about it.

[penelope13]

Giving up in my books means there is something that I could have done to improve the situation yet I have chosen not to do so. But often there are situations where you simply cannot do anything either because there is no solution (no right/ wrong) or the other person is simply in the wrong frame of mind at that time to be accessible to arguments.

[Seraphim]

Sometimes knowing when to fold em is a great quality. Most times there is no right or wrong only differing opinions. If the other person does not want to hear yours and you do not want to hear theirs it is no biggie if one person walks away. It is not a contest anyway. Life is too short.

[itsallgrand]

 

However, then the other person may even throw in a "See? You have no other arguments to prove your side, that's why you have nothing further to say!", adding insult to injury.

 

Classic barb to try and control the situation by riling up your emotions. Desperation talking to try and keep the argument going, is all. If anything, it shows how irrational the argument has now gotten.

 

It's not giving up if there is nothing to gain by continuing. It's good sense.

 

Had to learn all this the hard way, as I used to get sucked into arguments really easily like a sucker. The key is being focused on communicating (or realizing when it's no longer communicating but fighting) and not letting the ego get caught up in wanting others to validate that you are right about something.

 

And when frustration hits bc it's feeling like talking to a brick wall and you so bad just want to be understood and so trying to push on in the argument, just realizing that it's ok sometimes to not be understood and an argument is pretty much the worst situation for getting that. Better to wait and try when everyone is calm and happy.