Uggg...guess I could just use a boost...

[mdp0858]

Well.....I love my boyfriend. I see him as the most attractive guy I know. He is generally quite good to me. The problem? It's minor I guess. But......our relationship hasn't changed in the 2.5 years we've been dating. We still see each other 3 nights a week -- Friday and Saturday nights and a random weeknight. I just figure most people are "practically living together" at this point, so those three nights feel kind of inadequate. Also, he spends a LOT of time with his friends. He says he wants me there too, so sometimes it's me, him, and his 5 guy friends. I can hang because I'm not bit**y, but somehow I feel shorted. Especially when I still go home alone. Plus he has a good girl friend, and while she's only here 2-3 nights a month, it still hasn't stopped being a sort-of issue. Ugggg. I'm confused. He's my closest friend, but he has a ton of guy friends of his own. I hang out with them all, but I still wonder about us. I am worried about our relationship....wondering if I need to bail because he's never going to become a "him and I" kind of guy....?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Have you spoken to him about how you are feeling and that you would like to see him more often?

[LilBear]

I don't live with my bf either and we've been dating close to 2 years. I also only see him once or twice a week, and it's not exactly a big deal for either of us, because we have different schedules. It's a good thing for me actually because I value my freedom a lot, and need a lot of "me" time. I don't think you have a problem here because he does include you when he goes out with his friends.

 

How old are you? Perhaps your age explains why you haven't moved in with your man yet?

[mdp0858]

Thanks so much for answering. I really appreciate it. I'm feeling down tonight.

 

I have kind of brought it up, but not exactly straight forward. I guess he and I need to have a straight-forward talk.

 

It seems like our pattern is Fri & Sat nights together, and one of those will prob include his 3-5 friends. Then we meet up on like a Tuesday also with his 3-5 friends. Those week nights I go home alone while he stays later with them. Or else when his girl friend is here he just meets her.

 

He is 43 and I am 31. We have both been married before, so it's not like a TON of pressure to get married again. He tells me that he doesn't want me to move twice, and that he hopes to buy something bigger in a year or so. But I feel like we are stuck. Do you think I'm getting bothered by nothing??

 

Sometimes I think in relationships we just need to bounce stuff off other people. So thanks.

[mdp0858]

I forgot to mention that he also sees those 3-5 guys another night or two during the week without me.

 

I guess it's also probably complicated by the fact that my two friends both moved last year, so when he's out, I'm usually home alone. Like I said....sorry for my pity party. I'm a pretty happy person, but I'm feeling down right now!

[DirectDingo]

Just tell him you'd like to spend more time together doing couple stuff. Let him know that you miss him and appreciate his company. He may be feeling the same way, just not wanting to pressure you into spending time with him.

 

One way you can approach this is by setting up/suggesting activities that the both of you can pursue. It gives you common ground, something to do, a reason to be there and couple time. Can't hurt.

 

Hope that helps.

[FathomFear]

Could you elaborate on what exactly are you looking for? Him to spend less time with friends? To ask to move in together? What, if anything, have you done to initiate some of the things you want?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yes, I think you need to tell him directly what it is you need because he could be thinking you are quite content with this current arrangement.