Purpose of the meet up...

[shessofly]

After four months, 'I love you' shouldn't scare someone away. She doesn't hve to say it back, but it must have hurt you a lot that she left once hearing it. When she says that stuff about moving too fast, she's trying to find a reason she doesn't love you. It's really tough in young relationship like that if she didn't fall in love to get her back. Not impossible. You would really have to be ok with being friends and then crossing your fingers.

 

i agree. it's not like you said it 4 days after meeting her.

 

so if you are not in love with her why so focused on getting her back?

[TimJohn74]

i agree. it's not like you said it 4 days after meeting her.

 

so if you are not in love with her why so focused on getting her back?

 

 

I guess because when it comes down to it, she really is exactly what I am looking for. I mean I have met and dated a decent amount of girls. And I have a list of all the qualities I am looking for and she is really the only one who had pretty much all of them. And I know it would be ignorant to think there is no one else out there with those but I guess maybe I am hanging on to how great everything was and how much we had it common and how many of the same things we both wanted. And really while I don't love her, she is definitely someone I could see myself loving. I have been through break ups before and it was always easier because they had qualities I didn't like but with her when I sit back and look at it, there really is nothing bad to say.

 

Also I guess this quote that I read once has a big effect on me: "The worst thing one can do is not to try. It's one thing to change your mind about what you want or on reflection realize you never really wanted it that much. But giving up without ever trying in the first place may well come back to haunt you." It's really brought me a lot of great stuff in my life because I haven't been afraid to try but maybe it doesn't work with love?

[Ms Darcy]

Maybe I am being naive or using wishful thinking but to me if I just show her I am still that guy she first fell for that things would work out. Once again I could be wrong I don’t know….

 

I don't think she fell for you. That was the point. Maybe she was infatuated, but it seems like she wasn't in love.

[TimJohn74]

I don't think she fell for you. That was the point. Maybe she was infatuated, but it seems like she wasn't in love.

 

Yeah I think your right, it probably was more infatuation. Actually I am almost definitely sure it was.

 

Any advice on where to go from here?

[squirl]

She sounds like a very busy and to the point kind of person.

 

In that case showing her how "fun" you are while she's scrambling around trying to get through her day may just highlight the incompatibilities.

 

I would take the hint that she is busy. Write back to her something that shows, yes you get that she is busy, sounds like that particular day is not a good fit, but hope her schedule in general might be clearing up in the next couple weeks.

 

Meanwhile, really think back to what you've gotten to know of her in your time together. Think of anything thoughtful you can do for or with her to show you can add value to her life. More so than any old person to merely pass the time. Is there something you've learned about her that you can help her with? Send her a useful news article or something that shows you "get" her? Is there an event that you know she specifically would like, but maybe hasn't had time to learn about or check on tickets? If you invite her to something like that, she won't need to ask what the purpose is.

 

I only say this because you seem pretty together and ok with finding out she might just be interested as a friend. If you'd be disappointed with that, take the hint, give her space, and work on yourself a while more.

[TimJohn74]

Yeah your right she is a busy person and to the point. that is one of the things i liked about her, she is a lot like me in that stand point and I really liked and respected that she was like that.

 

I am ok with finding out she just wanted to be friends, i truly am but I would definitely be a little disappointed. So I don't know part of me says just forget it and move on and part of me says "hey just go have lunch with the girl and see what happens, who knows you may find out that you really don't want to be with her at all". I guess I have just have a little bit of a problem forgetting some of the good stuff and I do miss her.

 

And I think I am starting realize that I may not be as ready to meet and talk to her as I originally thought. It's one thing to get over her and move on, it's another to dive back in. It's just frustrating because I keep thinking back and remember the girl who wanted to be with me, I need to realize she is not that same girl anymore.