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Communication Does Make Imperfection More Tolerable


WomanWriter

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My boyfriend and I have now been together about 3 months, already been through HELL and back! I've just about broken up with him about a handful of times and I always vent on here and people get frustrated with me and tell me to break it off already. I am getting counseling and I know that a lot of it is my extreme analytical tendency, which is not completely bad, but part of my personality that I need to learn to apply to other things than my relationship.

 

Anyway, I have a little more confidence that comes and goes. I am looking into going back to school for an MS in Counseling and excited to be focusing on getting my life back together now. My job search hasn't been going well so I am going to try to be more methodical about it and if that doesn't work, I will get a part-time job somewhere where I can supplement the loan I will need to take out for the MS.

 

 

OK, what is my point? I'm happy that my boyfriend has been emailing me and calling me the last couple days. I notice that when he calls for a few minutes, I do not feel anxious throughout the day and I don't feel upset with him for the mistakes he makes. This morning, he called me from work just to let me know how he was feeling about something and asked if I would pray for him. I was delighted. No friend or SO ever called me to share and ask for prayer like that. So I did pray for him. It was nice. And we have been asking each other accountability questions too, like did we eat anything unhealthy, did we say anything rude, were we irresponsible, etc.?

 

It makes me feel good to honestly share our faults with each other. It doesn't make them feel so bad. And I feel more motivated knowing we are not perfect but we are still talking about this stuff. It makes me feel closer too.

 

Whenever I get mad, I come on ENA to vent and slam my boyfriend about how he messed up. But last night, I prayed about it and felt peace. No anger at all. I got online and read an email about something that happened to him. He explained it genuinely and I was noy angry at all because I know he was being sincere. I am REALLY glad I didn't come on here and jump to conclusions!

 

Also, he explained to me a situation that I vented about before on ENA. I don't know why he waited so long to make himself understood, but once he explained the situation, I did not feel angry anymore. I just felt dump for blasting him on ENA. He didn't deserve that. But I didn't know what was going on. It was because he never was that good with communication. But he is trying and getting counseling. I have to be more patient with him because he makes mistakes but I do think he's trying.

 

I don't want to analyze him in a bad way anymore. It is my life scripts talking. I am reading self-help books about my negative thinking and I see that I basically condemn people before I even understand the background. This is not something I have to hit myself over the head about, but I need to change. All I need to do is be assertive and set boundaries. Getting bent out of shape does nobody any good.

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And we have been asking each other accountability questions too, like did we eat anything unhealthy, did we say anything rude, were we irresponsible, etc.?

 

I'm glad you're feeling better. I'm curious about the above quote, though: doesn't it ever feel like you're just babysitting each other? We all have flaws, but I guess I've never felt like relationships should be motivated by them and by having to be held accountable by your partner for them.

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