SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME! i posted week ago still no response

[flyguy23]

hello, if you wanna read my whole other post its somewhere on here. but long story short, my ex and i dated for 2 and a half years. i took a job back in november where we started seeing each other less. a month ago she wanted to take a break. then one day i went out with some friends and she got really mad and i said some words which let to the break up. I texted her the next day and said i was sorry bout everything. she accepted the apology and said she thinks we need to be done at the moment.

 

i went nc for a few days and decided to call her. I just wanted to tell her i wish her the best of luck and jus want her to be happy but she wouldnt even let me talk. she just said she didnt wanna hear how much i missed her or loved her. she kept sayinig over and over again for me to get over it and move on.

 

Ive been trying so hard to be ok. How could after 2 1/2 years she could be so cruel? i told her i was hurt and upset and she said theres not much she can do or wants to do about that. i blame myself for this break up if only i would have made the effort to see her more. but im mad because shes being so harsh. if she said she jus wanted for me to be happy i wouldve understood. I just dont know what to do. I cant stop thinkin about her. at night i cant sleep i cant eat. She was like my best friend. it still hasnt been that long but boy am i hurting. i just dont get y is it so easy for her to get over me than it is for me. after this long shouldnt she miss me even a little?

[metrogirl]

Maybe she's dating someone else.....

[Psinic]

Hey,

 

Who says she isn't missing you? Who say's that her cutting you off and not allowing you to talk isn't her way of protecting herself from more pain as she is also suffering at the moment?

 

My advice for you at the moment is to back off, she clearly knows how you feel, give yourself and her some space. Do the NC thing (that i am finding so hard)..

 

My honest beleif is that no matter how hard of callous someone is acting - noone will walk out of a 2 1/2 year relationship and not miss the other person. Breakups are something that hurts all parties regardless of the reasons.

[shessofly]

Hey,

 

Who says she isn't missing you? Who say's that her cutting you off and not allowing you to talk isn't her way of protecting herself from more pain as she is also suffering at the moment?

 

My advice for you at the moment is to back off, she clearly knows how you feel, give yourself and her some space. Do the NC thing (that i am finding so hard)..

 

My honest beleif is that no matter how hard of callous someone is acting - noone will walk out of a 2 1/2 year relationship and not miss the other person. Breakups are something that hurts all parties regardless of the reasons.

 

while this may be true, it does not mean that the person will come back. that is something we all must take into account as well. they may miss you, but this does not mean that reconciliation is likely.

[shessofly]

flyguy-

 

it could also be the case that since she felt neglected due to not seeing you much anymore, she had disconnected from the relationship way before the actual breakup took place. perhaps in her mind she was already missing you and has gotten used to the idea already.

 

did the argument about you going out with your friends have anything to do with her feeling like you could make time for them, but not her?

[Theblueman123]

Do you know why she dumped you?

[shessofly]

ok flyguy i just read your other thread.

 

this is not something you want to hear, but you admit that you pretty much neglected her throughout the duration of the relationship and took her for granted - that she did most of the texting, calling, etc., and had threatened to break up with you numerous times before over this issue. you didn't think she would do it, and now it has happened.

 

you may have lost her, i'm afraid. a neglected woman can become very angry and very hurt. since you say she has threatened a breakup numerous times but never gone through with it she has likely had all she can take and is done with the relationship.

 

my advice would be to leave her be for the time being and give her time to cool down. just take this as a lesson learned for the next time around, whether it be with her or someone else.

[Jeen]

Why don't you go old school and write her a letter about how you feel, your previous thread is a good start to work from doing this.

[djcom80429770]

I dont recommend writing a letter, I think the general word of advice is the right one..you are already projecting when you have spoken with her, she knows how "lost puppy" you are and its not appealing, plus it seems to be some burned bridges that you need to let cool down before there is any communication..so like others have suggested just back off and heal yourself and improve

[Jeen]

Sow he should give up and just move on?

 

He loves this women, he know he has made mistakes and are willing to change, why should he just walk away, or stay away, if he leaves at at this point it would only show her he don't care. He do care and do think she is worth fighting for.

 

Sometimes it is good to say I'm sorry I messed up!

[rigguy]

Sow he should give up and just move on?

 

He loves this women, he know he has made mistakes and are willing to change, why should he just walk away, or stay away, if he leaves at at this point it would only show her he don't care. He do care and do think she is worth fighting for.

 

Sometimes it is good to say I'm sorry I messed up!

 

My situation was quite similar to OPs. Complacency, neglect ect ect ect on my part. When she checked out, it was for good, letters, calls did no good. In my case I think it just confirmed her decision, who knows, I haven't heard from her in about 10 months. I guess every situating is different and every person is unique so what happened with my ex doesn't have to happen with yours, only sharing my experience. I would say walk away if your ex with someone else. Interfering will only add to her resentment toward you. I kind of did that unknowingly. Good luck, Rigguy

[amipushy]

I don't think he should write a letter either. She has made it clear that she no longer wants to see or hear from him. Writing a letter may only hurt the OP even more when she doesn't reply or even give a damn.

[Jeen]

I don't think he should write a letter either. She has made it clear that she no longer wants to see or hear from him. Writing a letter may only hurt the OP even more when she doesn't reply or even give a damn.

 

She may read it or she may not, writing this letter is maybe creating false hope but it is also a last resort and a long shot, but it is also a letter of closure if it do not work. It sometimes helps a lot to get things off your chest and this letter will help with this part of the healing proses as-well.

[amipushy]

Yea I suppose, but then he has to live with the fact that there's a letter 'out there' with his heart wide open on it when he is already feeling vulnerable.

[bedrocks]

Sow he should give up and just move on?

 

He loves this women, he know he has made mistakes and are willing to change, why should he just walk away, or stay away, if he leaves at at this point it would only show her he don't care. He do care and do think she is worth fighting for.

 

She made it clear she wants nothing to do with him.

 

There's nothing to fight for. If he tried...well that's how stalkers are made.

 

It's over. Suggesting he try harder to win her back is not good advice and may give him false hopes and create a bad real life situation.

[Trenton]

dude i no how u feel man im goin threw a rough time with my ex az well she waz the 1st girl i ever really true fell in love with an now i cant ever have her again itz like she waz an angel tat fell from the sky to make me happy but now all i live in iz a swirlin world of depression cuz of her i had the best 6 monthz of my life with her an now she wont even like tell me that she still loves me when i no she does she sayz tat she wantz to be with me but it never happenz so basically ive givin up on hope but look i no ull be fine ok an dnt be like me an give up hope

[shessofly]

Why don't you go old school and write her a letter about how you feel, your previous thread is a good start to work from doing this.

 

i don't think this is a good idea because she has told him she doesn't wanna hear anything he has to say. her heart is hardened to him right now. it will only make the situation worse for him. he will be spilling a heartfelt apology to a brick wall. she needs to be left to herself at this time, IMO.

[djcom80429770]

Sow he should give up and just move on?

 

He loves this women, he know he has made mistakes and are willing to change, why should he just walk away, or stay away, if he leaves at at this point it would only show her he don't care. He do care and do think she is worth fighting for.

 

Sometimes it is good to say I'm sorry I messed up!

 

I never said give up, or JUST move on, I said step away from the situation..ok so he knows he's made mistakes, and is willing to change, but any change made right now with her still in the picture will more than likely see it as an in vain attempt to win her back..loving someone isnt a crime, but fighting for someone who has made it clear they want space will like others have said confirm her decision and the weaker he looks the easier it is to move on..i know because i was in this situation, I fought, and the more I fought the more she wanted nothing to do with me, it annoyed her that I wouldnt just leave her alone, and yes I wrote a letter, it did nothing, not even closure, it wasnt until I dropped off the face of the earth that about a month later she wrote me..someone I NEVER thought would "give in"

 

I'm not with her because in that time I realized I was better without her, but it goes to show that sometimes walking away and healing and improving yourself is the best way to win someone back, even if its yourself

[flyguy23]

well, im not going to write a letter. I forgot to mention i did tell her how i felt and said everything i wanted to in a text message and just got "well thanks." she said she was ok and fine being single. So im just going to give her her space. Shes obviously got some issues going on. im not making her out to be a perfect angel but sometimes i feel like if i had never taken this job maybe we wouldve been together. BUT! and heres a big but, would we truly have been happy? when i said she wasnt perfect i meant was she was very irrational and not understanding at times which drove me nuts. But i dealt with it but im just missing her now. I miss goin to her house after work and spending the night there. I miss alot of things. Its going to be hard. Im definitely gunna go NC now. Its been a week already. i believe everything happens for a reason. Although i really hated to be at work today. I work alot of nights now too. I guess if its meant to be it will be. thanks for all your help guys

[flyguy23]

youre absolutely right. I said to her give me one more chance and some other things and the last thing she said to me was please leave me alone. At that moment(only a week ago) i just sat there and said im going to do just that. as much as it hurts. Im just going to let her be. I said i was sorry about certain things and she knows how i feel. But if i keep pestering her itll just make it worse. she needs time to cool off.

[flyguy23]

flyguy-

 

it could also be the case that since she felt neglected due to not seeing you much anymore, she had disconnected from the relationship way before the actual breakup took place. perhaps in her mind she was already missing you and has gotten used to the idea already.

 

did the argument about you going out with your friends have anything to do with her feeling like you could make time for them, but not her?

 

your 100% right about that too. i remember one time at work she sent me a text saying she felt like she wasnt even in a relationship anymore. All those were signs and i did nothing about it. i was trying so hard to do well at my new job i guess i thought things would work themselves out. I think she was probably upset i went out with a few ppl who she never liked. but i feel as if she was waitin for me to screw up one time and this one time set her off for good. I said to her i went out one time and she said one time? it wasnt just one time.

[flyguy23]

Do you know why she dumped you?

 

well we were on a break then i went out with some friends and she was not happy about it and i got a text saying i think im over this break thing. so i was like fine whatever thats what u want. because when ur mad u say things u know how it is

[GenoGeno]

Pretty much my situation in a nutshell. I never called or texted it was always her caring and she threatened to break up before but i never took it seriously. and now....I'm grieving because it happened. yay.

[flyguy23]

well guys its now been little over a month since we broke up. 3weeks of NC and i finallygot a text from her today. but all it said was "hi how are ya"? "you think we can meet up sometime this week and i can get some of my stuff back"? i just said ok. im not thinking too much into it. She jus wants her things back, i get it. but i just dont know how im going to act when i see her. this really sucks. i finally gave up contacting her and now she texts me back. for all she knows i couldve been dead in a ditch somewhere and she wouldnt care.

[FrenchFries]

Wait for her to contact you about getting her stuff. If you aren't sure you can handle seeing her you can always arrange for someone else to give it to her or put the items in a box and set them out for her to come pick up.