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I can't work her out and I just need some advice! Please help!

keith m

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Dear All- I am new on here. Recent events with my girlfriend or ex or friend has led me to seek some advcice on the internet- this forum seems to be about right!


I'll explain the situation.


For three years I have been going out with this girl of 39- I'm 48. We have shared many many good times and travelled to different parts of the world. We have bonded very closely. We have lived together for most bof that time and she has always thought that I am a great guy and I have always thought the same of her. She has always been until recently very affectionate- and me with her. We have been like a mutual appreciation society.


I have to say- that she has always wanted to have kids and get married. I have always found the idea of marrying this girl a lovely idea. My plan had been to do this exactly 3 years to the day.


My experience is of a previous marriage that ended and also I have a daughter where access hasn't been great. Sadly or stupidly I have explained the potential downfalls of marriage and of kids if things aren't right. I ahve always wanted to be responsible about this if I do it again- and I am not a high wage earner so I both worry and care for any potential offspring.


Well I know that she is now of 'that certain age' where the clock is ticking...


....so I finally come around to the idea some months ago- but she has gone of the idea- and our love life basically started to decay. It has to be said- that both her and me have always enjoyed some banter with each other- but now I'm being told that this was critisism...


So anyway- we broke up around seven weeks ago...we have told each other that we are still best of friends...but that is the seriously hard bit. Earlier- she wanted her space- and as we know- its a damn hard thing to do.

We kept up regular texts- some amusing some not

we meet up and the conversation is always kind. She says that she respects me (and used to say that she loves me) but its all going a bit screwy now...

We went out the othe night- when we met- she accepted a kiss and a hug. We went arm in arm to a restuarant. We talked and were close. we hel hands we laughed at our good times and gave room to talk about the bad. In fact it was a lovely evening. The next day she was very light and fun in her texts.

Today- two days later she texts me and I ask if she'd like to meet for a coffee. Thats when the house fell down again. I was told that we have broken up and it is not a break. I ahve been told that we can only be friends...

...point is, I thinks she still has feelings for me. When all this bad stuff started- she said she was confused about me and needed space- I wanted to marry her and she said that if she was coming back- it would have to come from her. Now that kind of chat has stopped.

I am about to try No Contact....but for the life of me- I hope I can do this as I don't know how.


About a week ago I wrote her a letter explaining my feelings for her and how I understood that she wasn't happy- I told her how I could change etc...she told me that she would always keep it because it was so nice..


Currently, I'm doing the gym a a lot and staying off alcohol...


...so please someone help!

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Well... Here's my take. It's blunt but probably right...

There's someone else and she's confused.

Move on and improve yourself.

Don't look back because it's only gonna hurt you.

I wish I had stuck to this two months ago!


The more u see her the more it sets you back... Get out there, keep your head busy and

if she comes back it will be better. Anymore good advice look up

my threads most people in there advised me... I should have listened

but at this point I'm having a blast and don't care anymore

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Hi Keith

I had to reply here because I have this niggling feeling that there is something that you arent telling us. You did not mention until the very end of your post about staying off the alcohol? Is this maybe the issue?


From what I read it sounds like to me that she was really into you but like the previous poster stated she was interested in marriage and kids but isnt anymore after several rejections by yourself. Sounds like to me that she just has moved on and is interested in someone else now but since she has such a history with you wants to remain neutral. You tried the letter and you were told quite bluntly on the phone you were just friends.


I suggest you move on and work on yourself and remember the good times you two had together. To be quite blunt shes holding the cards and the rulebook at the moment so you should take some cards back and feign disinterest and start doing other things. Who knows she might pick up the scent again if she sees you moving on and jump back on the train.

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^^^^ yup... Move on and trust me when I say you will feel better and things will fall into place

when I first went through this I was crappe out, sad, scared and even gave up... But then you realize that no person here on earth is worth you letting yourself go and when you do... You fire up and you get control back and you realize that this is a beautiful world with alot of great people... You will be ok!! Just work on yourself and let go!

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