A small exercise

[g84]

A few years ago i started my first semester at university, and it ended up being one of the most difficult years for me. A close family member was dealing with health problems that were scary for the family; I went to my classes feeling overwhelmed and preoccupied all the time.

Then a close friend of mine became very angry with me for something that was an honest and small mistake; she didn't seem to consider anything else that was going on beyond that. It was resolved eventually, but i was walking on eggshells during the first few months of that year.

 

I really dreaded attending one of my classes in particular; i encountered someone who turned out to be a bully there. I had blamed myself for the other person's actions, and it made me feel very miserable and sick. I felt embarrassed too that someone could make me feel like i was in high school again; that made me feel like any growing and learning i thought i had done could be an illusion. I started having trouble breathing almost everytime i entered the buildings of the uni, and i started having some panic attacks in private.

 

It was a time when i felt like everything was falling over me at once, and i still have negative feelings when i remember that year. After the first year passed, i didn't go back. I was burned out emotionally, and i wanted to stay away for a while.

I still haven't gone back : [.

 

I think i have pretty strong associations with places and objects, and i'm kind of afraid of how my body would react by just being there again. I was thinking last night about one small thing that might make me feel better.

 

Maybe i could go into one of the main buildings and walk around for a while among other ppl there, just for myself to realize that i can stand there again. It doesn't sound like anything difficult, but my memories of that place all involve me barely breathing and feeling sad.

I don't know if i will choose to go back to that specific school again for my studies, though. I still deal with anxiety, but i might have made a little bit of progress since then. I guess i wanted to share this, and ask for any thoughts on it. Do you think it could help me in some way? thanku for reading

[emma34]

i can relate in a way. I just finished 5 years of university. There are ppl who spend all of their days on campus and there are ppl like me, who are there for as LITTLE TIME AS POSSIBLE. I actually hated being on campus. I also dealt with anxiety attacks, and the environment isn't helpful. For me, it was claustraphobia and confidence issues...

 

I don't know what you are taking, but if the option to go to another school is there, I would definitely give it a try. Is it just one building that you experience anxiety? Could you try different buildings? I doubt that bully is still there.

 

It seems the issue goes beyond this building at university. And I think that your idea of walking around, taking deep breaths, is excellent for your anxiety, but there are bigger issues here, and you will need to work on your anxiety as a whole. Have you considered seeing a professional?

 

I would recommend taking deep breaths, going for walks, taking a magazine or book with you for before class starts, etc....distractions are always helpful for me.

 

I'm not sure if that helps, but I was really touched by your story. I wish you the best.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I think it could help you; it is good to push yourself and step out of the comfort zone. G, you should remember though that no one has the right to affect your life like that. If you want to be in school, you deserve to no matter what someone else does. Don't give anyone that power!

[g84]

thanku emma34

This all happened a few years ago, i don't think the bully would be there.

I actually don't think about that person very often, but i still have some strong memories of it.

I haven't set foot in any of those buildings in years, so i just wanted to see if i could be there without all the same anxiety this time, or at least try. I'm currently not taking any courses though. I think that i did need some help at that time, but i reached a point where i couldn't even reach out anymore; i was really eaten up by my worries : [.

 

 

thanku Iphigenia, i guess it would be worth a try to go there. I shouldn't have let someone affect me that much, and it took me a while to realize that i didn't have to own that person's actions; it was really making me sick.

[CaptainNapalm]

Yes your method should work. In fact, it is a common method exercised by psychiatrists and psychologists when helping people over come strong fears/phobias. The slowly ease them into situations that make them really uncomfortable and try to teach them new methods of associating with such places. I think you're on the right track.