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If you love something, let it go.


restingpieces

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I’ve been a lurker here for too long and never thought I’d need to write here, but things change.

 

And quickly, apparently.

 

I’ve just recently been put out my house, lost my brand new dog and my soulmate all in one day.

 

Our love was almost instant; we’d met years ago but managed to reconnect via the internet a year ago. He was exactly what I had been looking for this whole time and I never even knew it. We’d both had our fair share of horrid relationships (cheating; I left my cheater but he proceeded to stay with his for four years – imagine the pain) and when we kissed, we knew we deserved one another. We did long-distance for quite some time and after multiple times asked, I accepted his offer to pick up and move from NY to CA, to be with him. Because my love was unconditional, I never resented this (and still don’t). At no point has I doubted he loves me, that he’s perfectly happy with who I am and who we are but then out of nowhere, his severe depression and anxiety started to rear its ugly head.

 

I sought treatment as an adolescent for issues I needed addressed then, so of course, I understood. I made therapy appointments, scheduled anxiety classes and held him when he’d wake me up in the middle of the night, bawling his eyes out. This happened for about two weeks, and then he confided that he thinks for right now, he needs to have a place he can come to and be alone – to cry alone. (Yes, I expressed that this isn’t the best idea but he was adamant.) So, because I love him and his happiness provides fulfillment, I began searching for apartments in the area. He had even expressed he loved the idea of me being so close and thought I should look really close by.

 

Then, the next day, as I walked out the shower, still standing in my towel, he asked me to sit down. As soon as I sat, he proceeded to explain that we need to be adults and just move on. That he wants nothing more than to do with his issues alone and in no way wants this to ruin this incredible and loving relationship we have. In his words, if we were to end things now, we’d be ending on a good note. And this is true, I have no ill-will for him but the manner in which he did it, not in how he delivered it but what he actually said… he wanted me out of the house that very day, to pick up and go back to NY, to take the dog with me and he’d ship everything to me with no problem. He even handed me $2,000 to figure it out as fast as possible.

 

I, obviously, to make things less traumatic myself did not do so. I asked him to go stay with a mutual friend of ours until I was packed and had figured out where I’d be going (I left everything behind NY and no longer had anything to go back to; I’m at square one). He was extremely helpful and distraught. Crying incessantly. Would sneak into our house at night and come into bed with me to cuddle. He apologized profusely; while I just remained as gracious and caring as possible until I was out of there.

 

And when he dropped me off at the airport, he told me he will love me always and while he has hope, he no longer has any promises.

 

So, now, I’m home, IN MY PARENT’S HOUSE – without our dog, who is now too young to travel at our vet’s recommendations and since he’s in the entertainment industry and will not be around much, he’s just going to give her away because no one will take her until she’s got the bill of good health for our vet. Which is devastating all on it’s own.

 

I made my life around him, because it didn’t feel unfulfilling in any way. (Despite the fact that I’m generally a very independent-savvy person.) He was the man I was to spend forever with, and whatever benefited one, benefited both.

 

Now, I have no direction. I have completely forgot who I was before I found his love. I have no fear in terms of redirecting my personal goals and accomplishing them; I always have and always have done it on my own.

 

Regardless of my faith in myself, I want to call him, reach out, because THAT man loves me and I love him. I want to know how treatment is going; I want to see the emotional weight lift off his shoulders…

 

I guess I’m not really seeking advice but my thoughts are jumbled and anyone I talk to just gives me “This is blindsiding! You two are perfect together,” which has only made my emotional state worse…

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jesus! i dont even know what to say at all.

 

i mean, i know that if i had some major issues, i would feel bad having my bf stick around and deal with them. im that person that wants to accommodate, not be accomodated. however, if my bf pleaded with me from the bottom of his heart that he didnt care about dealing with my issues... i cant imagine id break up if we were that in love.

 

does he know 101% that youll stick by him no matter what?

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jesus! i dont even know what to say at all.

 

i mean, i know that if i had some major issues, i would feel bad having my bf stick around and deal with them. im that person that wants to accommodate, not be accomodated. however, if my bf pleaded with me from the bottom of his heart that he didnt care about dealing with my issues... i cant imagine id break up if we were that in love.

 

does he know 101% that youll stick by him no matter what?

 

He knew I would stand by him through anything; I expressed that profusely and endlessly. But he said that what he needed of me, to help him through this, was to leave. What do you say to that? When all you want is for a person to be happy and find their peace, you do as they ask.

 

Since leaving, he's texted once saying he knows how desolate I must feel but that he will never stop thanking me for sacrificing on his behalf.

 

I just don't know how to move past this... having left it like that. Having left with all the laughs and kisses so fresh. I want to be angry with him and I think maybe that would help but for some reason, my body just isn't letting me. I had to do what was best for him, even though this hollow and petrified feeling is leading me in the polar opposite direction.

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I'm not sure if this will help... but it might show you you're not alone... The reason I have this link is because I'm on those forums too looking for answers... I'm asking the same questions you are as I'm in the same place...

 

link removed

 

I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish... I guess I just want you to know you're not alone and this happens fairly often with depressed people...

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I am very skeptical about him...I do not think he behaved well at all..if he is in the entertainment industry then he is used to either being himself an actor or being around actors. What kind of human insists on throwing out the partner immediately upon breaking the dumping news. His tears are all crocodile tears...he is not concerned for you at all otherwise he wouldn't have dumped you in the manner he did. He bribed you with money to get the hell out of his life. He is full of it. I have to wonder if he met someone else who he is planning on moving in with him. I really think you should stop giving him so much credit for his deep love for you...his ACTIONS don't show love at all...just a lot of words...and being in the entertainment industry, he knows a lot of "words". I am sorry you are now in this mess..you will bounce back, and once you do you will probably see him for the snake he really is.

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You could be right. I kinda smell a rat too. But, on the other hand, I don't know the guy and barely know anything about him. And I do know that some people behave in a bizarre fashion, especially ones with psychological disorders.

 

Based on this one post, neither you nor I nor anyone has enough evidence to draw the conclusions you have drawn so quickly and so adamantly.

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You could be right. I kinda smell a rat too. But, on the other hand, I don't know the guy and barely know anything about him. And I do know that some people behave in a bizarre fashion, especially ones with psychological disorders.

 

Based on this one post, neither you nor I nor anyone has enough evidence to draw the conclusions you have drawn so quickly and so adamantly.

 

Call it a gut feeling...this man sounds over the top..something ain't right!

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I went through something similar to you and it devestated me, For three years what she needed from me was space to figure out her own thing. I finally told her that she needed to move on if she wasn't going to move forward with what we could have.

 

Even if it is on the up and up, being in a relationship means you deal with both the good and the bad. That isn't just sticking by your partner during their rough times but during yours as well.

 

Depression is a life-long battle. Once he gets better, bouts can come back. What then? Is he going to kick you out every time he gets depressed.

 

Yes, let him go and do his thing, but if I were you, if and when he comes back I would let him know that the next time he kicks you out of his life you are not coming back.

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Wow you lost everything important in your life all at once!

 

Thats rough but at least it can only get better and at least you have your health.

 

Seems everyone around me has major health issues or knows someone that does or that died recently.

 

Health is the most important thing of all and you have that. Count your blessings not the bad things.

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