How often?

[seralee]

So my boyfriend and I have been having this disagreement lately. It is about how often we speak to each other throughout the day. To me, it is something so frivolous but we can never agree about it. I believe that it is okay if we talk a few times a day. I usually talk to him when HE wakes up and before HE goes to bed. He only wants to talk when it is convenient for him. Often, he feels like he doesn't even have to talk to me then. He acts as if he doesn't even have to speak to me at all throughout the day. It is not like we have just been dating but we have been together over 2 years.

 

 

When it comes to talking to your SO, what is the norm? I mean there is no set rule but how often is too much or too little? Am I wrong for wanting to talk to him twice a day? Am I wrong to feel a little upset if he screens my calls and ignores me?

[DN]

Do you talk to him if it is inconvenient to you?

[seralee]

I usually always answer his calls but they are few and far between anymore. If I don't call him, he wouldn't talk to me for days.

[XxJustMexX]

I'm coming to the realization that some people just aren't phone people... whether they love you or not. Take my two recent exes for example. One ex, I'd talk to all day... It was a ritual... We talked when we got up... on my breaks at work, on my lunch, after work... before bed lol. We live an hour apart so we only saw each other on weekends...

 

Now the ex after him, even after moving out of state during our relationship, he still wouldn't call me much... I had to bring it up to him several times until it got so tiring and got to a difficult time (which we're still in)... The lack of calling became a huge deal especially since we're long distance... He too can go all day without talking to me and think it's no problem. I came to the realization that I was comparing our lack of talking to my ex and how we used to talk all day. I've learned not to do that and accept that he doesn't like talking on the phone...

[Jd1983]

There is no set rule on how many times you should speak to your SO. I talk to my bf several times a day.

 

No, you're not wrong in getting upset. To be honest, I would probably be upset just as well.

 

Aside from the phone calls - how does he treat you when you're together?

[Cognitive_Canine]

We usually talk at night mostly. But, last night he didn't call me until 2am. I was fine with that as he told me he was going out. We only talked for a short amount of time.

 

Sometimes we text each other several times during the day. And sometimes we go for days without a single text.

 

If I have good news or something I need to tell him or ask him, I'll call him randomly during the day to share. However, if he's busy...he's busy and he'll call me later.

 

You say he only talks when it's convenient for him but that sounds normal. Do you call him when it's not convenient for you?

[Sn0man]

I think couples should call eachother whenever they have something to say, like arranging a meeting/something exciting happened/have a question/yada yada....expecting to talk a few times a day for no other reason than to talk about nothing seems ... well, weird. You can do that when you see eachother next (which I assume is reasonably often?).

[seralee]

I guess what bothers me is that he sleeps in until at least 12 everyday. While I have been awake for hours, I wait until he is awake to call him usually around my lunchtime. Well, he still doesn't answer then because he screens my calls. It bothers me because when he does call, it is right before he leaves for work and the conversation lasts less than a minute. He usually just says he is headed to work, and he think that is good enough for the day. It bothers me. Because it never matters if I had to talk to him about something because now he can't talk since he is on his way to work. It has to wait until later but later isn't until midnight or later when I am already in bed. When he wants to talk about something or wants my help, he doesn't care what I am doing or if I am busy.

[seralee]

I think couples should call eachother whenever they have something to say, like arranging a meeting/something exciting happened/have a question/yada yada....expecting to talk a few times a day for no other reason than to talk about nothing seems ... well, weird. You can do that when you see eachother next (which I assume is reasonably often?).

 

Well actually, we don't see each other often since I have recently moved to a new city. The distance hasn't been easy for me and it is still something I am getting used to. When I call him, it is usually because I want to share something with him or I have a question.

 

Like today, I am trying to plan a visit to see him. I have called him to talk about the details so I can finish setting things up. I want to get things done, not have to wait around all day.

[geekgirl4]

Hmm, well, I'm beginning to learn that every couple and person is different in what they want in terms of communication. I'm also learning that guys don't call as often as girls do and it's just a fact of life. They don't find every detail to necessarily be talked about in a conversation, but that being said, if you're in a relationship you want to share something about what's happening with you and you also express an interest in what's happening in your SO's life. Perhaps I'm wrong in this, but even though my days at work are long and dull, I try to bring back something interesting about my day to my SO, just to keep contact and let him know what's going on in my life because I think knowing what's going on in each other's lives is super important. If you can't find one special thing in your day to share about, perhaps the way you live and view your life needs some perking up.

[HouseKitten]

My boyfriend and I speak at least once a day. We're on different schedules so if I'm at work I might call him during the day, when he's at work he calls me during his breaks, if we don't speak we definitely text at least once just to say I love you, miss you, etc.

 

It's different for everyone. Sounds like your boyfriend doesn't really see communication that's not face-to-face as very important, whereas you appreciate it a lot more. You can either learn to do it his way and see how it is not really talking as much (he may even start to miss it), or you can sit him down and say it makes you feel like he doesn't care, could he please make more of an effort. However - there isn't much worse than someone doing something because they feel they have to, rather than because they just wanted to.