90 days of NC later....

[Lostheart87]

I have finally reached it, that magical 90 days of NC that everyone always speaks of, but at most times is hard to reach.

 

After my ex of 6 years left me for an older man, I told myself that I would no longer put myself in that situation again. She was my first with everything, we were high school sweethearts. We talked of getting married and were going to soon move in with each other. Funny how life throws a curveball at you however, as my future did not turn out as how I thought it was going to be.

 

Since December, after I refused her Christmas gift for me I swore to myself I would block her out of my life, and that is exactly what I did. Facebook, phone, pictures, everything was gone. My past life was gone, and it was time for me to start a new one.

 

These past 90 days have proven to be the largest rollercoaster I have ever experienced. Not even a few weeks into it she was trying to get at me (comments on my pictures on facebook and such). This lead to texts she sent me to my phone, hoping that I am doing ok. Not once did I respond, and in fact I only felt anger/pity for her. Then the most unexpected thing…a phone call. I did not answer, but she asked me if I would walk with her on our college graduation because it would “mean a lot to her.” The only thing I could really do was laugh. It was at this moment that I realized that all emotion I have ever felt for her was now gone…dead. She died to me. I did not feel a thing.

 

Then fate threw the strangest test at me. At a trip to the gym, running by myself with no one around, her boyfriend (the 7 year older man she left me for), decided to run next to me and try to intimidate me. All this did was piss me off, but I kept on running and ignored him (thanks to him I ran fast than I have ever ran in my life). Because of this incident I came to the conclusion that my ex was very immature for going for a guy that acts like a child (and apparently her entire family thinks the same and doesn’t like him at all).

 

So through this all, I have lost a life, started a new one, and am learning all new experiences. The only doubt I am left with now is if I will ever find anyone ever again. Girls now seem such like a foreign affair to me. All the good ones are taken, and all the ones that are single don’t seem interested. I don’t know if it is me or because I haven’t truly dated in 6 years, but my confidence is somewhat broken. I wonder to myself if I will ever be able to feel comfortable with someone again, if I can trust again, and if I will feel loved again. These doubts trouble me, but I have to stand up to them and keep on going.

 

I don’t know what is going to happen…but here is to trying to stay positive. And another 90 days here I come!

[katified]

Wow. Kudos to you for rejecting her advances. And yes, by dating such an immature man she showed her character. It was probably a positive change in your life, despite how horrible it felt at the time. Good job.

 

 

[bungalo]

Girls now seem such like a foreign affair to me. All the good ones are taken, and all the ones that are single don’t seem interested. I don’t know if it is me or because I haven’t truly dated in 6 years, but my confidence is somewhat broken. I wonder to myself if I will ever be able to feel comfortable with someone again, if I can trust again, and if I will feel loved again. These doubts trouble me, but I have to stand up to them and keep on going.

 

You're doing better than you think you are. My current goal is 90 days NC...I am just past the 30 day mark. I think with meeting new girls, you have to project an openess to them. I have a feeling that you are sending out signals that say..stay away from me. It's the whole law of attraction thing. I am not crazy about dating again after 5+ years either...but I don't want to spend my life alone either! You will get there.

I have faith in you.

[brwneyedgrl333]

Lost Heart....Be proud of yourself! What a great job at holding true to NC..it's not an easy thing...we ALL know that. You've stayed true to doing the very best thing for you...that's wonderful!! Your ex and the guy she's with will get there comupance...no doubt about it..life has a way of evening things out . Call it karma or whatever...what goes around, comes around..it is true.

 

I'm at 78 days NC myself and I am the dumpee as well. I decided immediately that I would NOT respond if he ever tried to contact me. I didn't anticipate him trying...too stubborn and hard of a man. I TOO got rid of everything that reminded me of him...pictures, things around my house, any material memory that I could find was gotten rid of. That helped me start the process of getting thru everything.

 

I got a 6 word email at the 60 day mark saying only, "Would you like to meet somewhere?" That was almost 3 weeks ago now. I didn't respond and won't. It's been hard though. I've struggled a bit and felt like it DID set me back some but I'm sticking to what I know is best. I've heard no more and don't anticipate hearing from him again. My feelings come and go between anger, pity and disgust at my ex. I was a good, kind, loving, giving girlfriend and he obviously didn't see the value in me...his loss...just like your ex....her VERY big loss.

 

You WILL find love again... And she will be one lucky woman. You sound positive and forward thinking IS the way to go!

You inspire me to keep on keeping on...thank you for that.

[marshmlofluff]

Yeah! Wow...90 days--you are my hero! And her current guy sounds like a nasty piece of work.

 

I just had to plug my Dump Day into a Time and Date calculator to find out that I am at 61 days NC...just like brwneyedgrl333's ex, mine came sniffing around and rang my land line (I have no voice mail) *once* last Friday night, so on Day 55. I promised myself I would not respond to him, and I have not. Amazing though, the swirl of emotions it brought up. On one hand his call set me back and made NC that much harder, but on the other it brought me a kind of peace: People's perspectives are sometimes very different than we think--who knows what is in his head and what he privately blames me for or is annoyed about, or what small resentments built up and made him fall out of love--but whatever it is, at least he can't hate me or think I was a terrible girlfriend if he is trying to call. And I know the door is open if I want to be friends again someday somewhere down the line.

 

I'm out of town, maybe he's called again since I left but somehow I doubt it; if he really wanted to contact me, there are plenty of more reliable ways to do it than by leaving one single missed call on a phone that he has no idea is still mine.

 

I myself am slowly sticking my toe in the dating pool again; it is difficult, but I have been very honest with any new dates about my situation, and they have all been quite understanding. I have made at least one good friend out of it. I do want to meet someone, and I can't put my life on hold forever. Sometimes healing means pushing yourself a little bit out of your comfort zone.

[Leighton]

Congratulations

[Lostheart87]

Thank you all for the great responses!

 

I will admit at times it has not been easy, and there are still times that I think about her, but when I do I don't feel anything which is a plus

 

I am putting myself out there but I must not be saying the right things or something. It is pretty obvious that I am interested in a girl when I talk to her but its the same thing every time "Ahhh you know, im just not looking to date right now."

 

I don't know if its me or the way I look, but I have been told by many people that I am very handsome (not hot...which I am actually glad that I am not), and that with my personality to boot I should have no problem finding someone special. Maybe I just need to learn how to get back into the game haha.