Frickin' impossible to please! :(

[Pompea]

So okay alright. I'm female, just to clarify.

I don't masturbate because to me, it's like trying to tickle myself. It just doesn't happen. It doesn't feel good, it just... feels like how I would if I were to touch my arm or something equally un-sexual. I think part of it has to do with my mentality. I can fantasize all day, get really turned on, want to jump the nearest guy (who isn't a pan-handling bum) and yet all I get when I go to do it up myself is an incredibly anti-climactic (I made a double entendre!) let-down of a session resulting in nothing but "okay I'd rather be reading a book".

 

I thought, when I was younger, that sex would be better. And it is. It feels totally different, it feels a lot better, I'm a lot more into it, but STILL I can't totally get off. It just won't go all the way. I had a lot of sex with my ex boyfriend, but nothing really seemed to work. I always was left terribly unsatisfied. ](*,)

 

So with all of this sexual disappointment, I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that I am either a) really difficult to please or b) just incapable of orgasming, which is unlikely but it's all I can think of!

 

Suggestions? I know it's a really broad question, but somebody has to have had this problem before! ):

Also, how and when do I bring it up with guys that I'm probably not going to orgasm during sex? I feel awkward faking it, but then I don't really want to tell them just as we're getting into it cause that seems equally awkward. Casual conversation seems like the best bet.

[bertdru]

My question to you, as a virgin : so why do it? If you know that you will never orgasm, what pleasure does sex have then?

[Jd1983]

It's really hard for me to get an orgasm without touching my clit. A lot of women are this way as well.

 

However, it doesn't mean that sex doesn't feel good in itself.

 

Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself, and it's starting to affect you mentally?

 

Have you thought of changing your views on masturbation? If not, then try to relax when you are having sex and possibly it'll start to feel better?

[Pompea]

My question to you, as a virgin : so why do it? If you know that you will never orgasm, what pleasure does sex have then?

 

I still have the desire to, and it still feels good at the time. I also really enjoy getting pleasing the person I am with. The only thing lacking is the orgasm. ):

 

Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself, and it's starting to affect you mentally?

 

Have you thought of changing your views on masturbation? If not, then try to relax when you are having sex and possibly it'll start to feel better?

 

Yes that could definitely be it, but I'm not sure how to not do that. My mind is constantly racing when I'm in the act, and I've tried to just not think about other things, but it doesn't seem to work and I'm almost considering getting myself drunk before I have sex the next time just to relax! But jeez, it shouldn't require that much work, haha

[happyfrank]

Don't worry about it. Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. Reaching orgasm will come with pratice and more pratice. Sex in my book is 80% mental and 20% physical. Have fun.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I whole-heartedly believe that sex is mostly mental. For me, unless I am in the mindset and acting in that mindset then I'm just going to get a little mechanical response (wetness) and little pleasure. I'd play around with your sexual mindset, see what comes of that.

 

And, don't make orgasm the only thing worth getting to. Enjoy the little tickles and moans of your partner. The orgasm is just the icing on the cake of the things you can enjoy sexually.

[wolfwithin]

I was the only guy to ever get my girlfriend over the edge and it has become easier most of the time to get her over since the first. Oral was the only way I got her off at first and it took like an hour or so of slowly playing and oral till I felt her energy change then I just went at it till she went over. Now I just torture her by really taking my time. I play with everything else. Then if I really want to be mean I don't listen when she wants me to start lower and that just drives her crazy. Then she will either start herself or force me to get to work.

 

I would say have the guy tease you by playing with everything from the waist up especially if you are sensitive in any of the upper areas. My girlfriend is very sensitive around her belly button so I just tease that area if I really want to drive her crazy. I can get her off normally pretty quick but sometimes it just doesn't happen. Don't go in with the idea of orgasm. Also tell the guy what to do because every girl is different and we aren't mind readers. I still have to beg her to tell me what to do.

[Pompea]

I whole-heartedly believe that sex is mostly mental. For me, unless I am in the mindset and acting in that mindset then I'm just going to get a little mechanical response (wetness) and little pleasure. I'd play around with your sexual mindset, see what comes of that.

 

This is a problem I have, since I can't really change my mindset very easily. If I do it consciously, I am thinking about changing my mindset the whole time, which means I haven't changed my mindset at all. I need to somehow change this state of mind without digressing from the entire goal like that. Maybe it will also depend on the person I am with, maybe someone else will get me more into the moment. :s

 

And, don't make orgasm the only thing worth getting to. Enjoy the little tickles and moans of your partner. The orgasm is just the icing on the cake of the things you can enjoy sexually.

 

Yeah, I already enjoy sexual acts in general, haha

[Pompea]

I would say have the guy tease you by playing with everything from the waist up especially if you are sensitive in any of the upper areas. My girlfriend is very sensitive around her belly button so I just tease that area if I really want to drive her crazy. I can get her off normally pretty quick but sometimes it just doesn't happen. Don't go in with the idea of orgasm. Also tell the guy what to do because every girl is different and we aren't mind readers. I still have to beg her to tell me what to do.

 

Thanks, this puts me at a bit of ease! Hopefully I find a guy who can do that for me.

 

The only part of my upper body that is any type of sensitive is my neck. I was always a little disappointed that my breasts did nothing for me!

[wolfwithin]

Well tell them to start at the neck, stay for a bit, then work their way down. Also maybe try twisting, biting, or rougher things like that. I knew a girl once who could only get any kind of stimulating reaction if she was rough handled. Or try different positions because it effects if my girlfriend finishes or not depending on the position we do things not just actual sex. Or have a guy try toys with you if you don't find that to uncomfortable.

 

Also what about your legs are there any sensitive spots there? Or your back? Also I know it sounds weird but I knew a girl who got aroused starting from the bottom of her feet then all the way up to her back and then her neck before she could do anything.

[OptomisticGirl]

I know it's hard but all you can do is relax. If my mind races during sex or anything there is no way I'm having an orgasm because you are concentrated on something else other then the feelings.

 

It may take a patient guy to get you to have one, really.

 

I masturbated when I was younger and I had orgasms by myself but it took years in my previous relationship for me to have one while havng sex, and even then I have to be stimulated to do it. It really just takes time and knowing what works best for you.

[thejigsup]

Some women just orgasm easier than others for many reasons, mental, physical, whatever. Just relax and get to know what pleases you. If what you are doing isn't getting you there, try something else. It's easy once you know how. Have you tried a vibrator? That works for many women.

[KG]

"Have you tried a vibrator? That works for many women." Ahh, good ole Bob. Battery operated boyfriend.

[Pompea]

Thanks for the responses, guys. I feel like I've tried almost everything though, and nothing works. ):

 

"Have you tried a vibrator? That works for many women." Ahh, good ole Bob. Battery operated boyfriend.

 

This is one of the few things I haven't tried yet. But mostly because I don't find vibrators sexy, so I don't think I'd be in the right mindset if I were to use one. I have tried regular, non-vibrating toys though and they work just as well as my own hands do. Which is to say: not at all. I can only really get going if someone else is doing the touching.

[wolfwithin]

So have someone else use the toys for you. I enjoy doing that with my girlfriend especially if it is something different. There are things that you can get that at our store was only like 2 or 3 dollars that vibrates and fits on the guy so it is pleasure for him and her. It does feel weird for the guy the first time trust me but my girlfriend was very mad when we broke it. They don't last long as far as multiple uses but it is cheap enough to get a couple. If the vibrator thing is just weird for you. That way you get the best of both worlds.

[OptomisticGirl]

Thanks for the responses, guys. I feel like I've tried almost everything though, and nothing works. ):

 

 

 

This is one of the few things I haven't tried yet. But mostly because I don't find vibrators sexy, so I don't think I'd be in the right mindset if I were to use one. I have tried regular, non-vibrating toys though and they work just as well as my own hands do. Which is to say: not at all. I can only really get going if someone else is doing the touching.

 

I love more then anything to have my boyfriend touch me, but since we are in a major LDR, the vibrator is the next best thing to him. I'd suggest you try one. If you don't like it what's the harm? Give it a few tries though before you toss in the towel with it. With my first one I was expecting it to just happen and it didn't.. took a few tries to get there.

[Lamprey]

Some women can't orgasm at all... something like 25% of them, a large chunk. It's possible you're in that group.

 

And to answer the question of someone who asked earlier as a virgin, if you can't come, why do it at all - the answer is simple. For many women, having sex without orgasms beats being single forever.

[Puddincup]

I think you need to figure out how to please yourself first before you can figure out how someone else can please you. I would spend some time masterbating. There are lots of ways to do it. You might need more pressure than tingly type manuevers. Try grinding on something like a blanket or a towel or something between your legs. Try on your back and then try on your stomach. Try a vibrator. Try several different kinds. Try reading a sexy book or looking at pictures of people having sex. I'm convinced that you CAN have an orgasm. You really have to figure this out because they are great and you don't want to just give up. Sex with other people can be very good without orgasm but with orgasm is much much better. I would see if there is a book out there with different masterbating positions and techniques to try.