is this a reason why people cheat?

[Juxtapoz]

Have you ever dated someone and liked them a lot, a lot, probably more than you want to at this stage, and you start to get scared they're going to hurt you so you start looking the other way, in other directions (at other men), as though if you were to do something first it would ease the situation?

 

yeah. i think like that sometimes. but i don't have it in me to act on it because i know i'd feel totally horrible afterward. but sometimes i think about it, because i don't feel like i have much control over my emotions right now with this guy, so flirting/doing things with someone else would be a sense of having control?

 

i'm not a cheater. never have been. but i wonder if this is a common reason why some people do cheat. :splat:

[glegend]

Sometime when people do cheats is because they want to get something they don't have. Like cheating on test, because they don't have the knowledge to pass they cheat off the person next to him. Sometimes people cheat because they don't want to really be tied down to one person but at the same time retain that one person that they are tied down to.

[redsoles]

People cheat because they are greedy.

[redsoles]

It has nothing to do with 'i like you too much' thing. Thats silly.

Its called communicated. If a guy liked me too much but was scared, and he talked to me about it. Things would work out. If you go cheat, you're a coward and I have no time for you.

[HeartGoesOn]

There are many reasons that people cheat, as there are also many excuses, but in the end it's a choice for them, which can either be acted on, or avoided.

[Jd1983]

I don't know if this is a reason why people cheat, but I do know that there are several reasons why they do cheat.

 

- Opportunity presents itself

- Lack of self control

- Missing something within the relationship

- Because they can

- GIG syndrome

 

I'm sure they're a lot more to the list.

 

I don't agree with playing games though, they're definitely a waste of time.

[Aviatormy]

I agree. I do not see why anyone would try to justify such actions. Even though you do not cheat, you flirt and therefore you are putting yourself in a situation where temptation could get the best of you.

 

I have been CHEATED on because of this very same reason. The girl told me that she was scared that I was too good to be true so she started trying to push me away. Once she realized that I am not the typical guy that would get mad and give her a reason to leave me, she slept with one of my really good friends and then told me about it so I would leave her. I DID!

 

NOW....

 

She has seen me 3 times since then (2 years ago) and the last time she saw me was at a bar. I was with my GF at the time and a few friends. Well as soon as I left with my GF, my ex that cheated on me came over to the table where my friend was sitting and started to ball her eyes out saying that I was the best man she has ever dated and she regrets doing that to me. She has MATURED and now wants what she used to have.

 

I still look at her as a prostitute though. She sold her body and morals to my friend by sleeping with him because she got scared that I was going to hurt HER. So she hurt me instead.

 

Don't be like her. Don't lose all respect for yourself and others. This guy probably really does LOVE you and you are going to ruin it by flirting with other men. You don't even have to sleep with these other men. Flirting is just as good as cheating in my book because one day someone that is too tempting is going to take you up on your flirting and then WHAM... you are single again because you betrayed the only one that really loved you.

 

Ok, I just had to give my opinion through experience. I have been in your BF's shoes.

 

 

 

P.S. And if my ex saw me today... she would see the same thing... A wonderful guy that used to love her that is holding another woman tightly in his arms and having the time of his life. She will never again be that woman in my arms having fun, feeling safe, feeling loved and overall very happy. Never. That is MY revenge. I didn't have to cheat either. All I really had to do was continue to be myself and a woman that actually appreciates me enough not to flirt or cheat came along.

[quirky]

^^^^ agree with Jd1983. To the OP, I get similar feelings too. Silly or not silly it happens. The best way is to trust yourself that you will handle whatever happens and to focus on your interests. There's many reasons why someone would cheat, it's not accepted but often the reasons behind it can be a very messed up upbringing or a backround of abuse.

 

If a guy liked me too much but was scared, and he talked to me about it. Things would work out.

Often when something like that is admitted the other person feels some sort of pressure. I'd rather express it to my friends or on eNA than say it to a guy, I'd feel too transparent. We can talk about communication all we want but in the early stages it is often offputting to discuss things too much.

[fLuiD]

The only reason/excuse/explanation I can see for cheating is a lack of knowledge on how to handle a situation. If you are having thoughts about cheating, then you more than likely need to fix your relationship, or leave it so that you can pursue your new interest. Cheating happens because people dont know how to end one thing, before starting another.

 

If you like this guy as much as you say you do, you would not want to cheat on him. You would let your emotions flow and work on building a serious relationship with the guy. I dont buy this thing about you dont want to like someone this much at this stage of your life. Its human nature. Just go with the flow, and stop trying to prevent it.

[leq]

Well, let me just add to this. I never actually physically cheated on my girlfriend. I emotianally cheated, as in, texts and meeting with another girl for a drink.

 

I got caught, and I may as well have actually "cheated" on her.

 

She left me 6 months later.

 

That was about 8 months ago, and my heart and my head are still in tatters.

 

I love/ed her more than anthing in this world andd would do anything to take back what I did.

 

BUT. I did it for a reason. She didnt treat me right. She was possessive, manipulating, very VERY "touchy" and sensitive, and at the time, i thought my relationship was going down the pan.

 

I ended things with the new girl, I learn my lesson, and I showed my GF that she truly was the one I wanted. Even then, she still ended it with me.

 

Basically, she couldnt forgive me. But then again, I was young, naive, not married, and never actally "cheated" on her and at the end of the day, if we were meant to be together, it wouldnt have mattered.

 

Slightly off topic by now, but there you go, my two cents.

[Cognitive_Canine]

There are many reasons that people cheat, as there are also many excuses, but in the end it's a choice for them, which can either be acted on, or avoided.

 

I agree.

 

People can cheat out of insecurity (they need validation)

Self entitlement

They can't man up and end their unsatisfying relationship

They like the thrill

They want a fantasy knight that saves them from their boring life

 

 

In the end, it's a personal choice.

[thathoopla]

There can be some paranoia in it...yea...but then if you do cheat, a whole load of guilt falls upon you. It's bad to cheat. But to at least have the guilt, is better than being arrogant.

 

It's never worth it, so you've got to just see what you feel under those thoughts. Maybe you're afraid of rejection..... I know that I am afraid of being fooled, being played while I put my heart and everything into a relationship and the other person pretending to be the same but not doing so. It's something to work over.

[thathoopla]

Of course it matters. People don't, and shouldn't, just overlook something like that. It is cheating. You're giving things to a second girl that are supposed to be reserved for the first girl. Stop making excuses. You're sad because she left you, but are you really seeing the problem in you putting the blame on her for YOUR cheating?

[leq]

Of course it matters. People don't, and shouldn't, just overlook something like that. It is cheating. You're giving things to a second girl that are supposed to be reserved for the first girl. Stop making excuses. You're sad because she left you, but are you really seeing the problem in you putting the blame on her for YOUR cheating?

 

You got no place to be having a go at me, the thread is questioning why people cheat, so I am telling you my point of view.

 

I blame myself entirely for cheating, im not making any excuses. It was wrong and I know it. But at the time, my head was a mess, and I didnt know what I wanted.

 

If i was entirely happy, i woudnt have done it. I have made my mistake and learnt my lesson.

 

You know what, im not going to bother contributing to this site any more, i dont feel i have to justify myself to complete strangers when they want to have a poke.

[Juxtapoz]

I've never cheated on anyone and I've never been cheated on. I don't know what it's like, and I hope to never find out. I'm also a karma fearing person, that if one day I did decide to cheat on someone, I'd be doomed for the rest of my life in relationships.

 

But I am feeling insecure right now, and it's something that I need to take care of with the person I'm seeing, but like one poster mentioned, it's too soon in the relationship to talk heavy talk, so I'm glad I have this forum to discuss my thoughts with. I'm very isolated where I'm at. My best friends are in the States while I'm in Europe. So right now, things are difficult. But to be completely and perfectly honest, I just don't have it in me to cheat on my guy. I'm absolutely crazy about him, and just the thought of the look on his face if he knew I cheated....ugh, makes me sick to my stomach.

 

Another poster made a thread about a chick who slept with two other dudes, and I thought about why she chose to do it. It got me wondering if she was in a similar situation I'm in, where she liked him to the point that it scared her.