WhatSetsUs Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 So my ex girlfriend broke up with me on February 1st of this year. We had gotten back together during this past summer so this is the second time we’ve broken during our three years together. This breakup has been much easier for me to handle in comparison to the last time, and NC has really helped me learn and grow. Today marks 31 days of NC, and it really has been a crazy ride. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my shortcomings and I feel like I'm truly a better person now than I was when my ex and I were still together. Despite all of this time, I still really, really, really want her back. The past few days I have been thinking only about my ex. I know its because I'm home for spring break, and being home is just a constant reminder of her. I haven’t really even had the urge to reach out to her until now. I realized that it might take a little risk on my behalf to get what I really want. The point is that I am at a point where I feel like I'm going to break NC and reach out to my ex. I’m thinking about maybe texting her or emailing her, something that wont put her on the spot and make her feel threatened. I've even thought about sending her a handwritten letter. I'm just not really sure so I’m really looking for advice on what to do now. Here are some things to note about my situation: -There is no indication of a rebound or a new guy in her life. She also isn’t the type to just go around and hook up with people. -The first time we broke up, reconciliation started after I reached out a little bit to her. -We no longer go to the same school and are separated by a little over 2 hours, so if I continue NC the earliest I would even bump into her would be in May when we’re off for summer break. -I have truly learned from my mistakes and have corrected the things that I contributed to the breakup. These changes are concrete and were not made for her, they were made for me in order to become an overall better person. I have even been in counseling for the past month trying really hard to learn from the mistakes I've made. -during our second relationship together, things were much better than they had ever been, and the relationship was much more serious that it had been before. We looked at our relationship as a long term deal with the eventual promise of marriage. She even wanted me to get her a promise ring, kind of like a pre-engagement ring. So it was really serious. -We only broke up because of a few incidents that occurred right before the breakup. The time period spanned only a few weeks but it was enough to make her leave. -my ex is the type of girl who has a hard time opening up about serious issues related to relationships, which is why I never felt like anything was wrong during the relationship. It wasn’t until she actually broke up with me that I realized what I had been doing. Our biggest issue was communication in terms of serious issues. So what do you guys think? Continue with NC ? And if so, for how long? Break NC and get back in touch with her? In what way should I do that? I could really use any opinions or advice you guys have. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAgirl Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Continue with NC. I have been seeing a therapist and they recommended 60 days of NC at the very least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhatSetsUs Posted March 15, 2010 Author Share Posted March 15, 2010 anybody else? I could really use the advice, Im going a little out of my mind with all this thinking haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minou Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 Contact her. Your next opportunity to get together smoothly is summertime. What do you have to lose? Doesn't sound like your issues were huge. I'm a therapist. I say call her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snoopydog Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 I've read that the longer you leave nc (up to a point) the better your chance of a successful reconciliation, unless she contacts you first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakestheBest Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 Continue with NC. I have been seeing a therapist and they recommended 60 days of NC at the very least. Did your therapist say why? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matt_t586 Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 I cant believe how similar this is to my situation! I was with my girlfriend for almost 6 years though but most is the same, we had the same problem of not talking, she never opens up. Ive only been nc for 10days as i bummped into her 10dayd ago, i had been nc for 2weeks before that. And 2 weeks was definatly not long enough as i reached out and got nowhere! As for 1 month im unsure, i was going to consider contacting her after ive reached 1 month nc, i think i will keep an eye on your situation as it may help my decision in just over 2 weeks time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhatSetsUs Posted March 16, 2010 Author Share Posted March 16, 2010 Continue with NC. I have been seeing a therapist and they recommended 60 days of NC at the very least. Did your therapist give any reason for the 60 day minimum? I've read that the longer you leave nc (up to a point) the better your chance of a successful reconciliation, unless she contacts you first. And how long would you say to stay in NC? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhatSetsUs Posted March 16, 2010 Author Share Posted March 16, 2010 I cant believe how similar this is to my situation! I was with my girlfriend for almost 6 years though but most is the same, we had the same problem of not talking, she never opens up. Ive only been nc for 10days as i bummped into her 10dayd ago, i had been nc for 2weeks before that. And 2 weeks was definatly not long enough as i reached out and got nowhere! As for 1 month im unsure, i was going to consider contacting her after ive reached 1 month nc, i think i will keep an eye on your situation as it may help my decision in just over 2 weeks time Yeah it sucks that our girls were the type to not really open up, I feel like a lot of what has happened could have been avoided if I had just known how she was feeling. But it might also have been partially because I just choose not to hear her when she said those things... I dont know, I just know it was never apparent that there was a problem until she broke up with me. To me a month seems like a long time but most people on here look at a month as being really short. I mean, this is the girl I spent over 3 years talking to everyday, so a month off is a huge amount of time when you look at it like that. I guess thats why Im starting to crack with this whole NC thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhatSetsUs Posted March 17, 2010 Author Share Posted March 17, 2010 still going out of my mind with this, i dont want to nag, but anymore advice? I am truly appreciative of this community here on ENA, and I could just really use some support right now. Its been a hard couple of days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getting_on_ok Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 I would say stick to NC. If she loved you she wouldn't want to be apart from you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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