SF2008 Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 He's almost 5 yrs my junior at the raw age of 23, recent college grad and moved to the west coast from NY w/o knowing anyone here. I had just ended a relationship just 6 weeks prior and barely getting back on my feet after losing 15 lbs and crying patheticlly. I was getting happier, but not ready to meet anyone new. But he looked into my eyes and told me things nobody should even know about me before I even told him my name. Intrigued by this young fellow, I spent the evening getting to know him better. His speaks and acts like he's 19, A LOT. But he has traveled to 40+ countries and accumulated an unquantifiable maturity through his experiences. His outlook on life is definatley beyond his years. We've been on 3 dates, each 12-21 hours long! He plans surprise picnics for me via his streetbike, we take midnight hikes to the peaks overlooking our city, share our travel stories, our love for hawai'i, and appreciate every moment and breath we take... I've never felt so alive. He's chilverous, caring, and really looks after me. Though he doesn't have any real friends here, I've spoken to his good friends in NY and even to his parents in Hawaii today. They know all about me. PROBLEM He's told me he's not looking or ready for anything serious and I agree with this. I'm not trying to jump into marriage, but clearly ready for something more than casual dating at my age. There's a lot going for him in the next 4-5 yrs before heading home to Hawaii to run the family business. I would love to have him as a friend, but we already went beyond that. He's headed to nicuagra with friends this week. In April, he's going to Japan- and with hesitation... told me theres another girl involved in that trip. I'm not upset since this was planned before we even met. But it's an awakening- Should I draw a line somewhere in this relationship? I know he's capable of getting too involved with me. My feelings for him will only get stronger with time. He jokes about this often but there's truth to it. We really enjoy each other's company, but am I just setting up for heartache? Or am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriarRose Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 You clearly say you are looking for more than "casual dating". So, why would you even consider dating someone who 1) is 5 years younger, often acting like they are "19" as you put it... 2) moving to Hawaii 3) verbalized to you that he is "not looking or ready for anything serious" I don't understand ....? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thatdoggirl Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 I think you already know the answer to your question. He's been clear with you about how he doesn't want anything serious and is going on a trip with another girl. Do you really think you want to get attached to someone like that. He may be fun but if you're looking for someone who wants to have a commitment down the road then don't set yourself up for more hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriarRose Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 You clearly say you are looking for more than "casual dating". So, why would you even consider dating someone who 1) is 5 years younger, often acting like they are "19" as you put it... 2) moving to Hawaii 3) verbalized to you that he is "not looking or ready for anything serious" I don't understand ....? 4) I missed the part about another girl! This one really is a no-brainer....you've been through enough heartache. Don't set yourself up for more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
civilservant Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 I have to agree with the above, you're fundamentally incompatiable at this stage in your lives... I'd be ending it now before someone gets hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfwithin Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 He was afraid to tell you about the girl but felt guilty enough to tell you that is actually a good sign. Just because he is younger doesn't mean anything so don't judge him on his age. Also guys really stop maturing at like age 8 we just get more expensive toys. I bet if you asked him all the things he does now he did when he was a little kid only now it is bigger. If you want something serious then sit down and talk with him. If he is moving to Hawaii and there is no way around it then ask yourself this. Would you move to Hawaii to be with him? If the answer is no, well then don't try to make it go farther. If you truly want to be with him then sit him down and tell him that if he is going to Hawaii then so are you and you want to grow old with him. It may scare him a little but if you put yourself out there then it will make him have to make a very grown up decision. After all life is all about risk either take it and take what may come or don't and regret it. I know one thing I almost didn't take the risk to meet my girlfriend but I knew the second I planned on not doing it that I would regret it forever and I am so happy that I did it. She is the risk in my life that will pay off a million times. Because I know even at 23 that I will marry her. I had to learn an entirely new language for her and that was when she still had a boyfriend before me but the risk was more than worth it. About to be 3 years now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfwithin Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 Oh and one more thing. You don't really tell your parents about a girl that you don't plan on having around for awhile just so you know. My parents would be amazed at how many girls I knew but I never told them about any of them even ones that were just friends. Special ones get told to mom and dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SF2008 Posted March 14, 2010 Author Share Posted March 14, 2010 thanks everyone for your replies!! I guess you all touched on the reasons why I'm so torn between what to do. The signs tell me that we are not compatiable as we are in different stages in our lives. The fact that he plans to move back to Hawai'i in 4-5 years is not a big deal to me. I spend a lot of time on the islands myself... in fact I'll be there in 2 weeks and he was comtemplating on having me go flying with his dad (they are both single engine pilots). But should I say screw it all, I don't want to risk another heartache? He's telling me on one hand that he wants to be unattached (and I can totally understand why). This is the side of me what wants to do what is "best for him" and end it romantically. But his actions towards me tells me he see's potential for more too. Like yes, why does he talk to his parents about me? When i speak to his friend, he looking forward to meeting me when he moves out here in July? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfwithin Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 He wants you to fly with his dad that is huge. I am not sure how long of a flight it is but it is likely maybe seeing if his dad likes you. If he does that is a huge sign. I think he wants more but not at such a fast serious pace. He sounds more serious than most 23 year olds are with women. See how things go a little before you break it off. If you take the risk and get heartbroken that is the bad outcome but if you take the risk and wait a little more and find the one so to speak then isn't it worth it. I think he wants to be more serious then he is letting on. Maybe giving you a way out before he gets in to deep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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