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A guy friend I really like, that just recently told me he doesn't like me like that

DreamerGirl27

By DreamerGirl27
in Dating Advice

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DreamerGirl27 Enthusiast

DreamerGirl27

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Okay, so I posted about this guy that I like that doesn't like me awhile ago.

 

Anyway, I just found out that he is kind of a player and kind of shallow and I don't think he really knows what he wants. I'm not sure if player is the right word, but shallow definitely is. He just recently went out with a girl he said he liked and decided he didn't like her because of a couple of her movie choices. That was the "make it" or "break it" for him. Her favorite movie.

 

Then, I found out that he has a certain "style" of girl he likes. I don't have this style and his ex-girlfriend looks a little more like me, too. She didn't have this style that he's into at all, either.

 

 

 

Anyway, I was talking to my favorite person today and she basically told me that he may just be a little young and immature (he's younger than me by 4 years) and that I'm basically doing the right thing with him. To remain his friend, but don't have any hopes (which I don't) and don't chase after him (which I'm not). Whenever we talk, it's always him making the first attempt at contacting me, I never ask him to do anything, etc. She also said that seeing as he does make that attempt and that I am still in his life that that does say something and that he does "like" me, but it also sounds like he is nowhere near the point of ready to be in a relationship. He may just need to grow up a little and someday in the future he may change his mind, but that's not what I'm expecting. That's what I want, more than anything, but I'm not holding out hope for it. I may be hoping for it, to some extent, subconsciously, but not like HOPING-hoping for it. If that makes any sense.

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

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Why are you interested in him if he hasn't figured himself out yet and is not ready to be in a relationship? I understand crushes, but I wouldn't sit and wait and hope for him. Just be his friend if you have enough in common to be so - and date others if you have the opportunity to for now.

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Speranza Newbie

Speranza

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How old is he?

 

Guys are generally about four years behind emotionally anyway, up to a certain age. If he's under 22 then I'd say you may have an eight year wait ahead of you, after which he may well be with someone else.

 

Nothing wrong with liking someone, but be realistic and start (if you haven't) building up a huge and busy social life for yourself. You may well meet someone else, but if not, you will be out there having fun, not waiting around wishing things were different. To be fair, he's said everything except, "It's never going to happen," hasn't he... he's not stringing you along, so don't do it to yourself.

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

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and I can't explain it, but I REALLY like him. You're not going to talk me out of liking him.

 

You don't have to stop liking him at all. I never said that. But there is a difference between liking and thinking that he is the only one for a relationship. You can in fact crush on a lot of people. He is just not available to you for a relationship at this point. I have guys that I interacted with and I thought were the "only one out there." In fact I went as far as to call my crush at home. He had given me his number - but he did it because it was his last day at work and he liked me but not "in that way." I was crushed!

 

Since the reality is that he doesn't "like you in that way" then don't sit around for him to do so. In fact isn't it better to know than to wonder or for him to string you along? Having a friendship or crush is fine. I think you are also crushed on him because instead of just accepting that you aren't his type for whatever reason or he doesn't want a relationship right now, you are figuring out why you are like his old girlfriend and therefore have a chance. That is a sign.

 

Please go out and meet other folks and go out on dates just to meet other people. I am not saying you have to stop liking him, but meeting other gives you more perspective. You can't tell me there are no other men in your life at all. You can always try yahoo or just hang out in other places, too. When you close yourself off and focus on one person who is not interested, sometimes you miss out. And maybe you'll go out on a few dates and gain some experience on what you want and don't want as far as behavior towards you and then he'll realize what he's missing - or maybe he never will, but you'll be a stronger person.

 

Again, I am not trying to dissuade you from liking him - but I have been there. Thought someone was the most awesome and he just didn't see that in me - at least "not in that way."

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Capricorn3 Grand Master

Capricorn3

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You can continue liking him and crushing on him forever. As long as you know and are fully aware it's not going to go anywhere (which you say you are aware of this). I'm not sure what the point of this thread is, as it's the same as your previous thread. You don't seem to be wanting or asking for any advice, so it gets a little confusing.

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DreamerGirl27 Enthusiast

DreamerGirl27

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and please stop following me around the boards unless you have something constructive to say Capricorn. He may change his mind, I don't think he's mature enough for a relationship yet and I don't think he knows what he wants. Judging that he dumped a girl he only went out with twice for her movie choices shows me that he has a lot of growing up to do.

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